The most screwed up things happen to us
by Nightmareish Rain
Summary: COMPLETED FULLY EDITED Ch20 Up! During the second half of the saga, Nolena and the Akatsuki gang plan the leaders down fall. Edidted and better than ever. Please read and review.
1. Meet your Master

**The most screwed up things happen to us…**

**A/N: Updated. Please re-read.**

**A/N:** Hi peoples, Nolena-Sama has yet another story for you. Naruto this time! It's funny and adventurous…my bestest friend Jaq started role-playing this with me about…5 months ago and it's very good, of course it is…I'm the one who had to re type it into like…a story and not script like… The characters here are so OOC it's hilarious to think about if they were really like that. This is Yaoi, pet keeping, and very bad language. Also screwed up OOCness. If you don't like any of the named things…don't read it…

**Warning:** I suck at fight scenes

**Disclaimer:** I OWN NOTHING!

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**Chapter one: Meet your master**

Walking down a path in the thick Japanese forest Itachi and Kisame make their way back to the Akatsuki hide out from another failed mission of capturing Kyuubi vessel.

"That mission was a complete waste of time…"

Kisame looks at Itachi smiling a shark smile.

"So what, it just means we'll be forced to try again. On the bright side, I got my sushi!"

Itachi sighs glaring at his partner lightly, "I got a bowl of Ramen noodles in my face…what else is new?"

The blue man chuckles and smirks widely,

"It made you taste good though" his smirk widens more

"And your little brother found himself a boyfriend"

Neither of them notice the shadowed person following them in the trees listening to everything they were saying.

"Hn…he can live his life however the hell he wants as long as he isn't a prostitute or some drug dealer…" Kisame snickers at this comment

"Yea that's what the girls do anyhow"

Both Akatsuki members are suddenly struck with heavy rocks nearly sending them to the ground.

"Ow…who the hell threw that Itachi-san?"

Itachi rubs his head while scanning the trees and his eyes rest on the tree that hides their stalker.

"There…"

With a hard swing of his Samehade he brings the tree down. (I know the sword does not slice things…it shaves…but what else do you want me to say?)

Before the large tree hits the forest floor a tall long silver haired girl leaps in front of them waging her wolf tail gently, while glaring at them with her Crimson eyes. The taller of the two men wastes no time in yelling out the unspoken question.

"Who-no what the fuck are you?" Itachi stares at the mysterious girl calmly preparing himself to fight.

Smirking, the wolfish girl licks his fangs before speaking. "You should talk shark boy" This comment causes Kisame to glare at her.

The oldest Uchiha uses his death glare on the girl trying to intimidate her…and failing miserably.

"Who are you and what the fuck do you want?"

The girl licks her lips suggestively then smiles.

" I want…you…TO DO HIM!" she points at Kisame and starts laughing insanely. Kisame has a look that clearly says WTF.

Itachi jumps slightly at her loud command and his eye and hand twitches in sync.

"I will not play your foolish game!"

As if she never even moved, the girl ties up the two Akatsuki members that find themselves in a suggestive position. Kisame, being on the bottom blushes heavily (can a fish blush?)

"Uh…" Both men start trying to struggle free from the embarrassing position. Sighing the girl grabs the rope they are tied with and hoists them into the air with one hand and studies them.

"So…who are you guys?"

Itachi mumbles 'wouldn't you like to know' and then coughs "Itachi Uchiha, he's Kisame Hoshigaki."

The blue man grins at the mention of his name.

"Who are you?"

The girl drops them roughly and cuts the ropes before they hit the ground and smiles insanely while bowing.

"I am Nolena Takashi! and…what's with the jackets your wearing?"

Itachi stands brushing himself off after the rope was cut.

"It's an organization. Don't ask, we wont tell you."

"Cool…what is your mission in life?"

The same thought runs through their heads. _What is with this girl and what is she_

"That is our business, thank you…"

Nolena's eyes flash red indicating she has learned something.

"Hey…you are the guy who murdered his entire clan…" The accused Uchiha pauses then slowly smirks

"Heh. Interesting. It seems you already caught me."

Nolena smiles showing her pretty white fangs

"Yes, Yes I did…now I must arrest you."

"I'm sorry, but I can't allow that."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to be arrested…and I always get what I want."

"So do I" Kisame raises his Samehade.

"Can I kill her Itachi-san?"

Shrugging the Uchiha backs away for Kisame to have room

"Do what you want. Just don't get yourself hurt…she's different."

The swordsman steps toward the girl that is smirking at him.

"You want to kill me shark boy? try...I'm not even a ninja, your sword wont have any effect on me."

"You not being a ninja just makes it easier" With one powerful swing he brings down his Samehade. Before it could hit his target Nolena caught the end with her bare hand and crushed it cutting her hand slightly as she pulled it healed instantly.

"Very nice…it steals chakra from your opponent…" Glaring the shark man draws back his ego injured.

"I told you she was different…"

"You kill her Itachi-san…my Samehade is damaged"

Nodding, Itachi approaches the talented girl prepping to attack. All the while she takes out two thick silver titanium collars and puts the on her wrist…

"What are those?"

"My toys…" Vanishing, she moves quickly and links the collars around their necks.

"And now you're wearing my toys!"

"What? no we-" noticing the thick collars around their necks the both continuously try pulling them off.

"Damn it!" Itachi takes out kunai and tries to get it off with kunai in a ton of different ways.

Giggling, Nolena watches their fruitless attempts at freeing themselves.

"They are made with god like power, only I can take them off."

Still struggling Kisame glares at her

"What the hell do they do?"

"I call them obedience collars, I wore one when I was in Goddess training…very painful"

At the word Goddess both men freeze and stare at her.

"G-Goddess?"

"Yes Kisame…I said Goddess and I really don't care."

Growling as he stashes his kunai he turns his glare back on Nolena.

"I knew you weren't just some normal freak trying to piss me off."

Nolena smiles at him in return.

"Is there any other questions you have?"

Kisame, being blunt asks the annoying question that everyone asks.

"What kind of Goddess are you and why are you here?"

Her eye twitches at that question, but gives a small bow yet again.

"I am The Crystalline White Wolf Demonic Goddess of Demons, and I am here to search for my apprentice...The Kyuubi"

"Uh... Itachi-san..." Completely ignoring what she had stated, he resumes pulling at the collar.

"Get this fucking thing off me."

"No. I don't want to" The Goddess smirks at him and mimics him. "And I always get what I want."

He glares harder and growls at Nolena.

"Get. It. Off. Now."

"No why do you want me to?"

"I'm not walking around with a fuckin' collar on my neck."

"Well too fucking bad and besides you belong to me now"

There is silence, a long stare then,

"WHAT?"

"You heard me…you belong to me."

"I don't belong to anyone. Now let me go and I won't hurt you"

This causes her to begin laughing.

"You hurt me?" Suddenly she starts laughing so hard she falls to the ground. Kisame growls at her.

"You underestimate me."

"Feel free to try when you harm me you will be shocked with 100,000 volts of god power...hurts like a bitch, and I should know." She smiles at Itachi and stands up.

"What the fuck…I'll get it off, trust me." Itachi glares down at the collar on his neck.

She chuckles lightly this time.

"You cant unless you cut off your own head...and it changes with your form if you do a jutsu or anything of the sort and if you are separated from me by running away with in 2 miles you will be electrocuted...No one but me can take it off and I have to do it by my own free will."

"You fucking bitch…"

"Just watch. I will get it off, sooner or later, bitch."

"Good one I am a bitch" She grins widely showing how much she cares.

"And since I enjoy your presences I wont arrest you I'm just going to keep you around. The bounty on your heads isn't enough to even measure up to what money have."

"No. Fuckin. Way. I have better things to do than follow you around."

"So do I. I have to find the Kyuubi," her eyes flash red "and you know where he is don't you?"

The one thing running through Kisame's mind is, _I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her… _

"I know you hate me get over it" turning around Itachi walks away, and Kisame follows.

"I'm leaving"

"OK! See you in a few minutes!"

"No you won't."

* * *

**(1 mile and 7/8ths later)**

**(A/N: I feel so bad for being mean to my favorite characters…not that bad! -Evil laugh-)**

* * *

"Itachi-san… I really doubt these things will shock us...but what if they do?"

"Too bad for us. I doubt they will. It was total crap."

Far away Nolena is watching them waiting till the collars activate. "Three…two…one!"

It began as a slight burning sensation, but as they moved further away it turned into a full-blown blue electrical current dancing around their bodies. Kisame screams in pain as he drops to the forest ground pulling at the collar. Itachi leans against a tree trying to pull the collar off even though it's causing even more pain.

"FUCKING BITCH!"

Nolena waits a few minutes then runs over to them and the pain stops. "Are you going to be good now?"

Sitting up and tenderly touching his neck that now sports electrocution marks he glares at the demon goddess. Panting heavily Itachi also turns his glare on her once again.

"I despise you with a bloody hatred." She smiles at him.

"Yay me! Don't worry I wont torture you guys unless you do something that deserves it. So say hello to your new master boys!"

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**-§TBC§-**

**A/N: **and end chapter one so what did you guys think? I think it's my best work so far…Well Jaq is proud that I'm displaying half of her work on the wonderful Well please review I wont continue this unless you do I have lots a stuff for this story .

**A/N:** is the update better?


	2. A new Look

**The most screwed up things happen to us**

**A/N: Updated. Please re-read.**

**A/N:** HELLO AGAIN WITH CHAPTER TWO!!! YAY happy smile anyway…even though I am getting no reviews for this story I feel the need to update…

**IMPORTANT!!!I need to explain a few things…like who plays what characters or played…whatever…**

**I play as Nolena-sama and Kisame-kun, and the waiter, hotel clerk…and…mostly everyone…how sad…**

**Jaq plays as Itachi-kun because she's good at it…so am I but whatever makes her happy ****she is also the guard at the gate.**

Another notice…I know that there hasn't been Yaoi or whatever but it comes later. When Jaq and I role-play we will type up to 6 pages a day or more we are creative. So we get a little carried away…and we don't know when to shut the fuck up…

Also I didn't like the format of the last story I will be trying a different way.

That's it I'm done talking, just read please and review…oh yea…Jaq says HI!!!

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Last time:

"_I despise you with a bloody hatred." She smiles at him. "Yay me! Don't worry I wont torture you guys unless you do something that deserves it. So say hello to your new master boys!!!" _

This Time:

**CHAPTER TWO: A new look**

* * *

After getting over the fact he was just claimed as a psycho Goddess' pet, Itachi examines his nails finding the polish chipped from the electricity.

"Damn…my manicure is screwed…"

Hearing this Nolena takes his hands and proceeds to give him a new manicure and paints a dark purply color on his nails.

When finished Itachi blinks and looks at fingers carefully as if inspecting a crime scene. "...You did it good…"

"Thanks…I had to give the fuhur many manicures when I was in Germany (1)"

"Your insane!!! And you broke my Samaheda" Kisame glares at the wolf girl expecting her to melt, but she just rolls her eyes at the fish man.

"Shut up I'll fix it later…"

The blue man grumbles incoherencies.

"You better…"

Switching to sweet and innocent mode Nolena smiles brightly at the two Ninja's

"Ok...so tell me where is my apprentice being harbored? It is really important that I get him because I am on probation and have to fix this…or I get in trouble again…"

Itachi hesitates before answering, throwing a glance at Kisame.

"…Actually. We can't really tell you that."

"Awww come on...I hate having to read minds it's a pain in the ass…"

"You act like an idiot"

"Ok fish boy I'll tell you this right now...don't take life seriously. You only get one well not me cause I can't die which sucks royally..."

The young goddess proceeds to glare at nothing.

Her last statement catches the elder Uchiha's attention.

"Can't die?"

"It comes with the Goddess package thing...grrrrrr" In anger Nolena punches a tree next to Kisame and makes it explode.

"Opps…"

"The poor tree…"

Nolena does an anime sweat drop, and then perks up wagging her tail gently.

"Too bad Ed isn't here...oh well. Lets go somewhere I'm hungry haven't eaten in a week...where is the closest village? I haven't been here in a while I was in Germany for like 10 years...(2)"

After quietly muttering 'Hitler Country' our favorite Akatsuki member, clears his sexy throat to use his sexy voice. (3)

"It's pretty close. We were just walking back from a mission…its called Konoha"

"Alright then! To Konoha!!"

Turning around she walks in the direction the two-cloaked men came from. Kisame hesitates then follows her walking with Itachi carrying his broken Samaheda.

"Maybe we'll get Sushi" This causes Itachi to do the anime sweat drop action (4).

"You and your sushi…"

"It's good..."

Suddenly she stops and faces them.

"You guys may want to make up a disguise that could be like…I dunno…your other form so you aren't recognized…"

Itachi looks at Kisame, Kisame looks at Itachi, and then both look at Nolena with no idea what to do.

"Ok…uh…hold on let me think…"

* * *

**(-10 seconds later…-)**

* * *

"Ok I got it!" She takes out a notepad and pen and begins sketching perfectly and life like, and holds out the drawing to Kisame.

"How is this for a disguise?" grasping the notebook he observes the drawing; a man at his same height with long dark blue hair pale skin and blue eyes with a slightly muscled build and normal civilian cloths.

"I like it how do I makes this into me?"

Never looking up from drawing Itachi's new look she answers him.

"...I'll take care of that...how is this Itachi?" Itachi's drawing is a man with black shoulder blade length hair green eyes and pale skin at his same height with a slender built body and black civilian cloths.

"Interesting…"

"Let's see I'll do Kisame's first..." Speaking an old form of Latin Nolena begins the transformation spell and smoke rises around Kisame as she transforms his body. Looking at his new body brings a smirk to Kisame's face.

"I like it…"

"You next Itachi!" repeating the process, Itachi emerges as the man in the drawing.

"Hn…" (5)

"When you want or need to just concentrate on what you use to look like and you will change back same thing for changing into this form."

Snapping her fingers she transforms into a 5 foot 7 inch human girl with long black hair, indigo eyes and a black skirt and shirt outfit with a long black leather trench coat. Black knee high lace up Goth boots cover her feet

Kisame stares, Itachi turns away. "We should get a move on, then…" "YUP!" They head out to the evil land of Konoha.

* * *

**(-The Gate-) ((Ooooo sounds like something from FMA)) **

* * *

Nolena blinks at the 'scary' jounin guarding the gate.

"Who are you? Names"

"I'm Nikkie-chan…"

Itachi becomes shifty-eyed then stares the guard dead in the eye, knowing the name he gives wont make him seem suspicious.

"Daisuke…(6)"

Snickering at Itachi new 'name' he smiles at the guard.

"It's Katon…(6.5)"

"Where are you from?"

"…Germany…"

"Why are you here?"

"No reason just need a place to stay for a few days ... and I'm hungry"

The guard nods up at his buddy in the tower, the gate opens.

"Go in…"

"Thank you Mr. Guard person…"

The three people walk through the gate and not even five minutes later…Nolena turns to Kisame.

"Where is the Sushi? I like sushi and you like Sushi so you must know where we can find sushi...that or Ramen is good."

"Er…ok, follow me…" They go to the sushi bar, which is ironically next to Ichiraku ramen. ((I know it isn't get over it!!! This is my story!!! Mine!))

Whispering to Itachi Nolena watches the shark man wander through the streets of Konoha.

"He wont get lost will he?"

"Not unless he sees a shark food stand." That causes her to giggle,

"I'd like to see that happen."

They sit in a booth Nolena sitting across from her new pets…

"So Kisame you're basically going to get everything again?"

"No I can't afford that twice in one week…"

Hidden behind the menu she was looking through she speaks up.

"Go ahead order what you want I **can** afford it…"

Itachi first glances at Nolena than looks at the menu.

"I'm getting my usual…nothing."

"Why? You no like Sushi?"

"Yea he's like that"

She sighs, "We can stop somewhere later and you get what you want."

"I'll be fine. I can survive without food for a while."

((This is fun you will enjoy the rest of this I swear it.))

Her eye twitches "Anorexic freak..."

"I'm not anorexic."

"Then you admit you're a freak."

"Your the freak."

"Takes one to know one"

"…Kinky Toy Addict." (7)

"Your the one wearing the kinky toy"

"Your the one who put it on me."

"Your the one who cant take it off"

"Your the one that made that possible."

"Your the one who couldn't suck up the pain and get on with your life…which is lame I might add."

"Your the one who couldn't mind their own business."

"Your the one who underestimated me…"

"Your the one who bothered us in the first place"

"Jerk" ((and this is where I ran out of insults…))

"I take that as a compliment" Itachi slams his menu down onto the table, and folds his hands.

"Oh well…" The waiter arrives.

"Hello my name is Shuichi and I will be your waiter today. What will you be having today?"

Kisame smiles widely at the waiter after setting his unused menu down.

"I will take an order of everything please."

"Make that the same for me…"

"I'm not hungry, thanks…"

The Waiter frowns slightly as he looks over Itachi's thin form.

"Your order will come soon..."

Nolena coughs and smiles at Itachi

"I still think you're an anorexic freak…"

((Here we go…again…))

"I am not anorexic!!!"

"And I'm really human"

The fish man sighs deeply. "Idiots…"

"Well Itachi is a bastard…"

"Well your a…-pauses- ...Never mind"

"Come on…say it"

"Its not appropriate table talk…"

"Your not appropriate period…"

"Shut up"

"Oo tough guy."

"Don't make me spurt out your guts..."

"I'd like to see you try…"

"Maybe I will"

"I almost wish you could…hmm…nah."

-Twitch twitch-

The waiter comes back carrying two large trays of sushi and sets them before Nolena and Kisame.

"Enjoy…" He walks away.

"Thank…you…" after being rudely ignored by the evil waiter Kisame eats his sushi at a slightly fast pace. Nolena folds her hands and prays in a foreign language. This causes Itachi's eye to twitch again.

As soon as she finishes praying she eats her food…no devours her food, silently and with her eyes closed.

* * *

**(-30 seconds later-)**

* * *

Nolena is some how finished eating 38 different sushi meals. Itachi stares. Kisame stares and his sushi falls off his chopsticks. Her voice seems softer and kinder, probably because she had something to eat after a week.

"What?

Itachi finally says the 3 words everyone was thinking…well just Kisame.

"What just happened…?"

"They brought food, I ate, and I'm finished"

"In not even a whole minute?" Itachi gives long stare.

Nolena blushes.

Kisame swallows a big bite of snapper sushi.

"I'm not even half done..."

The demon goddess looks down feeling ashamed. This makes Itachi feel VERY confused.

"Now what happened?"

"…………………………….."

The evil waiter leaves a very expensive bill. Avoiding the question she takes out her wallet and pays the bill leaving extra for a generous tip. Afterwards getting up to walk out of the sushi bar.

"Itachi-san…lets go before we find out if the collars work when she gets to far away..."

The connived person nods and stands up to follow Nolena, hopefully avoiding further pain…

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

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(1)DO NOT ASK!!! Jaq and I have messed up minds…

(2)Jaq and I use to do role-plays with FullMetal Alchemist…so yea…

(3)Tis' true…Itachi has a sexy voice in the Japanese version and English version…but hey! He is downright sexy anyway.

(4)Ah…the anime sweat drop…there is no proper way to say it in a fanfiction…

(5)Yes the drawings…Well supposedly Nolena-Sama is a badass artist…and everything else…but most importantly Jaq and I needed a way to disguise the wanted criminals so I said hey! Why not make a drawing and transform them into it. XD yes I know…it's weird. Get over it.

(6)Daisuke is the kid in DNAngel who has Dark inside him…Daisuke is a perky, shy boy who likes girls XD Itachi's opposite…((this was Jaq's exact explanation as to why she used Daisuke as Itachi's fake name.))

(6.5) Yes…Katon…it means fire element…I had no idea what to name Kisame…so

(7)I was like why not?

(8)Yes I know…why did I pick "Kinky toy addict" as a line? Well if you want to know what the hell other line I had…ask for it in the review you should give. Cause you will really want to know

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**A/N:** well what did you think? Was it good? Bad? Ridiculously funny and/or cruel? Please review! I will be back with my next chapter…whenever I get around to typing it…Swim practice starts soon! So that means I will have less time to update…and when school does…your updates will be on weekends.


	3. Sickenly Sweet

**The most screwed up things happen to us**

**A/N: Updated. Please re-read.**

**A/N:** HI!!!!! I AM BACK WITH CHAPTER THREE!!! He he… anyway I love it when I get reviews…even though I only have four but yay anyway. I hope you all will forgive my inability to spell and use proper grammar… _**AND THANK YOU TO THE LOVELY PEOPLE THAT REVIEWED!**_

**TtSerenity: **thank you for your review! Yes it was difficult altering the role-play into a story and I put a lot of pride and effort into my writings…but Jaq and I are awesome writers in the role-play business, we also ranked first and second out of one million role-players. I got second…-- oh well she does it online with a web site service…I sign on every now and then and I'm still second place.

**Toolazytologin:** Yea I know who you are MATT…thanks for reviewing

**Jon U:** Yea thanks for the comment -- HIS NAME IS ITACHI YOU FUCKER! READ THE GOD DAMN THING FOR REAL! –Glare- you're lucky I live too far away to kill you … and yes I do know where you live HA! Sleep with one eye open.

The other people who submitted a review…I forgot who you were…so yea…

**ANYWAY!!! NOLENA-SAMA WILL BE STARTING THE SCHOOL (10****th**** grade WOOT) THING ON SETEMBER 8****TH**

So updates will be scarce…Forgive me…I take double advanced classes. 

**YOU MUST READ IMPORTANT! I need to explain a few things…like who plays what characters or played…whatever…**

**I play as Nolena-sama and Kisame-kun, and the waiter, hotel clerk…and…mostly everyone…how sad…I am the old man at Ichiraku as well I told you I was practically everyone**

**Jaq plays as Itachi-kun and Naruto because she's good at it…so am I but whatever makes her happy she is also the guard at the gate**

That will be repeated throughout the rest of my chapters with new people added to our lists. Ok!? Good -happy smile-

* * *

_Last time:_

_The evil waiter leaves a very expensive bill. Avoiding the question she takes out her wallet and pays the bill leaving extra for a generous tip. Afterwards getting up to walk out of the sushi bar._

"_Itachi-san…lets go before we find out if the collars work when she gets to far away..." The connived person nods and stands up to follow Nolena, hopefully avoiding further pain…_

_This time:_

**A/N: THERE WILL BE SMALL SIGNS OF KISAME'S AND ITACHI'S INTEREST FOR EACH OTHER IN THIS CHAPTER!**

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE: Sickenly "Sweet"**

THE KEY!:

-This is for actions in the middle of a sentence-

"SPEAKING"

_ITALICS ARE FOR THINKING!!! ((Jaq: WTF!? LOL ME: -giggles-))_

* * *

After searching for a while they discover their 'Master' standing front of a fruit stand. They stop a few feet from her; Itachi speaks up first.

"You got a fruit craving? …"

She looks at him after looking at the pretty fruit for a few more moment.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Just a little."

With that said the silver haired girl buys several different types of fruit and hands the bag to the hungry Uchiha.

"Let's go find a place to stay at... it's getting dark…" So they begin walking.

Kisame is silent and Itachi eats the fruit as they walk.

"Neh mf hmah ntr -swallows- we need to report…"

"Don't talk while your eating Itachi…"

"Whatever…"

"When and where do you need to report?"

"As soon as possible, and we go to the hideout and-" He stops himself before letting out any classified information. "I'm not supposed to be telling you this…"

Nolena shrugs, not really caring about their issues.

"Whatever." She leads them into a nice hotel and gets them two rooms. One single and one double; for obvious reasons.

After getting their keys, their 'master' walks off to her room, leaving the two partners by themselves.

**((I'm really getting annoyed at calling her that…I have such a sick mind…))**

They stare at her retreating back for a while; then the shorter of the two speaks up.

"Lets go…before the hotel clerk thinks we're up to something…" They saunter down the hallway to their room.

As soon as they enter Kisame pulls off his Akatsuki coat and throws it over a chair lazily.

Itachi on the other hand makes sure the door is secure and neatly takes off his coat; folds it carefully and sets it on a chair gently.

"She seems nice but...very...I dunno" Kisame tries to find the right word to describe the strange girl.

"Weird? Yeah, I know what you mean."

"I wonder what she plans to do with us..." He sits on the bed.

"I seriously don't want to know." Itachi tugs on his collar once then sighs

"Stupid thing" He sits on his bed while pulling his sexy hair from his sexy ponytail. Kisame stares at the sexy man in disguise from the corner of his eye.

Combing one hand through his hair, he lets out a miserable groan of displeasure.

"My hair is not reacting well to all that static electricity…"

Twitching slightly from annoyance Kisame stops staring.

"Itachi-san… will you please transform back into yourself? That body is annoying me." The Shark-man transforms to emphasis his point.

"Hm?" the smaller man glances at him.

"Alright" He transforms as well and stretches his toned muscles.

Kisame smiles brightly; showing off his sharp pointy shark teeth.

"At least we don't have to worry about being arrested."

"And that's just fine...I don't want to have to kill police at the moment…"

"Why did you pick Daisuke for a name...?" Itachi shrugs gently.

"I have no idea…it was just the first thing that popped in my head."

"It's a little out of character name isn't it?"

"Hell Yea"

The blue skinned man stares at Itachi for a while, waiting for him to do something. He looks back at Kisame.

"Something wrong?" Kisame shakes his head sadly and stands up.

"Nothing...I'm going to take a shower..." He walks into the washroom and turns on the water to warm it.

Itachi watches Kisame walk away them turns forward.

"Uhg." He lies on the bed with his legs dangling off the side while he rubs his temples.

_Damn it Kisame! Stop thinking this way...you cant have him...he is just your partner who would kill you for even saying such to him…_Slowly undressing and stepping under the hot stream of water, Kisame proceeds to wash himself.

Itachi glances towards the washroom's closed door

"Hn."

There is a long silence then he slaps himself.

After about ten minutes Kisame gets out of shower and begins to towel off then wraps another dry towel around his waist. He then walks out to get some spare cloths since he forgot to bring them into the bathroom.

The other man in the room stares at Kisame's towel clad body not even noticing he's staring. After he gets his cloths from his bag, he looks at Itachi and they lock eyes. Itachi continues staring, and is lost for words. Kisame walks back into the bathroom embarrassed after muttering a quick apology.

"Okay…" Itachi talks to himself and finally gets his eyes away from where Kisame was standing.

"OH SH-" He forces himself to not yell by covering his mouth with his hand and biting down.

The object of his thoughts comes out of the washroom fully dressed. Itachi nods, stands up, walking to the washroom and turns the water on COLD. He undresses and gets into the shower.

Meanwhile; after hearing the water run, Kisame begins to slap himself repeatedly. Then he crawls into bed and lies on his back folding arms under his head.

"I'm insane…"

Itachi finishes and walks out of the washroom in his night cloths; running his fingers through his now silky, undamaged hair.

"Mh…perfect…" He walks over to his bed, and collapses onto the bed.

"Tired Itachi-san?"

"Yea…"

"Me too…let's sleep"

"Thanks for the advice" Itachi sneaks under the covers and goes out like a lamp as Kisame turns off the lights, and falls asleep himself

* * *

**(A/N: All this talk about sleep is making me drowsy oh well a little bit more typing then I'll take a nap)**

**(-Morning-)**

* * *

There is a knock on the door that wakes Kisame, who is tangled in his bed sheets. Itachi on the other hand wakes up in the perfect position, as he was when he fell asleep.

More annoying knocking and Kisame rubs his eyes sleepily.

"Who is it? …"

"Who do you think?"

The very sleepy fishy gets up, unlocks the door and collapses on his bed again. Nolena walks in and locks the door again giving them a strange look.

"Did you guys have a rough night or something?"

"Hn…"

The crimson-eyed girl smiles brightly, an obvious morning person.

"Well let's go do something I wanna see everything."

The blue shark stares at her from his lazy position.

"What time is it?"

"9:34"

Itachi-kun groans.

"Don't make me do something cruel and unusual!"

"Like what?"

"I don't know I was hoping you'd get up."

"Your psycho…"

"That I am Kisame…Just get up please?"

The Uchiha is first to get up.

"Fine…" Then Kisame rolls off the bed onto his knees and stand up stretching.

"I haven't actually been here before..."

The girl looks at Itachi.

"Itachi-san………….please?" He growls but mutters fine.

"YAY! LETS GO GET BREAKFAST" She automatically changes into her human form with excitement. The two men follow suit.

"Gather your things and let's go..."

After packing Kisame picks up his Samehade and stares at it.

"What will I do with it…I mean during the daytime it's very obvious and I could be recognized."

"Give it to me"

He does so and she shrinks the broken sword and fixes the damage she cause the day before, then hands it back. "There you go"

"Wow…it's so tiny…"

"As apposed to ginoromousness?"((I proudly invented that word))

Itachi rolls his eyes

"That's not even a word."

"Yea…"

"You know that, I know that, he knows that but does everyone else know that?"

"…Yes…" All three sweat drop.

"Ok lets just leave…" both men agree and they all head out in search of food.

"So what do you guys want to eat?"

"SUSHI!"

"…Any other suggestions?"

"I'll eat anything at the moment. -Feels evil- lets go eat shark fin…" Kisame glares at Itachi.

Completely ignoring their suggestions she smiles.

"RAMEN IT IS!"

"You know I'm kidding Kisame…" The shark blushes then grins.

"I know."

* * *

**(-Ramen stand-) **

**(A/N: you will have lost your appetite by the end of this chapter)**

* * *

Nolena, Kisame and Itachi sit at the Ramen stand after scaring off some people in line. Nolena sits beside a kid in an orange jumpsuit and orders.

"I'll takes miso ramen and keep it coming!"

"Yes Ma'am!" The chef begins serving the ramen.

After saying a prayer Nolena begins eating at a speed the chef doesn't know how to keep up with. ((I'm telling you now…this is sick…and we only did it because we were up at 2 am…and Jaq was falling asleep))

Itachi feels sick after watching her for a minute and pushes away his bowel. Kisame is severed his second bowel and Nolena…her 22nd.

"Wow I didn't think anyone could eat more…or faster than Naruto here…" he places another bowel beside Nolena quickly.

"So what?"

"Naruto what is your record?"

"215 in 20 minutes!" ((I almost doubt that but Jaq was typing as Naruto not me.))

All this time Nolena was devouring another 67 bowls of ramen in…2 minutes.

"Alright…Naruto…I got 17 minutes left to break your record…ok ramen guy keep the ramen coming!

Kisame and Naruto take to staring at her while she eats. The faster Nolena eats the harder the old man has to work to keep up with her, eventually having his daughter help him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Nolena?" She ignores Itachi and swallows the broth of her 123rd bowel. Kisame is keeping time;

"You got 7 minutes left…" ((I'm lazy…just go with what I type next))

Bowel number 153 "4 minutes" bowel number 197 "2 minutes…" Nolena triples her pace

"1 minute" number 215

"30 seconds…" She swallows the broth of the 216th bowel at exactly 20 minutes…

"That was really good!" She turns and smiles at Naruto.

"I hate you."

"I think I will never eat food again!" Itachi runs off to the bathroom.

"Great another fan…-smiles- I'm Nolena Takahashi"

"Naruto Uzumaki, the next Hokage." He smiles proudly at her. She stares into his eyes.

"There is something about you…"

"Uh Nolena…you need to pay…"

Nolena looks at the chef who is holding out his hand.

"How much with this kids?"

"…185000 yen…" ((That would be 1850 American dollars yes expensive ramen…but I felt like making it expensive))

The skinny glutton takes out her wallet and pays the man. At this time Itachi come back guzzling a glass of water.

"Come on boys lets go…" Nolena stands and walks down the street with her two "pets" in tow.

Naruto and the old man stare after them.

"I can't believe she beat my record…"

"And she even paid for you."

"Yea… no one's ever done that before…"

"Nice girl...well don't you have to meet with your team for training?"

"Oh, yes! Thanks for reminding me! I'll be back!" with that the orange clad ninja jumps off his stool and runs off in the opposite direction of N, I, K.

With our three friends…

Nolena stops in mid-step realizing something.

"He is the Kyuubi vessel." Kisame looks at Itachi and Itachi looks back.

"Well…"

"Oh forget it lets go!" She grabs their arms and teleports them to where ever Naruto is…

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

**(CLIFF HANGER BECAUSE JAQ WENT TO BED)**

**A/N: **THANKYOU FOR READING!!! WOOT! Anyway…this 3rd chapter is actually the end of the very first log that Jaq and I wrote online for this story…-smiles- awesome isn't it. If you got suggestions comment or questions…ASK ME IN A REVIEW!!! My god it's not hard…it takes me 1 minute to write and submit a review…please just do it!


	4. Meetings and Greetings

**The most screwed up things happen to us**

**A/N: Updated. Please re-read.**

**A/N: **CHAPTER FOUR! CHAPTER FOUR CHAPTER FOUR!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**-Cough-**

Anyway…welcome to chapter four…it will be funirful…I hope. And yet again I hope you all will forgive my inability to spell and use proper grammar…-happy smile-

**-SPECIAL THANKS TO- **(for reviewing and you get the underline coolness)

**Cheshire Cat lady:** Yes…Itachi-kun is a pervy person…but he can not be seme…he would never fit the role…if your read my "**LIVE DISSCUSIONS"** series you'll see what I'm talking about –smiles- thanks for reviewing.

**Shinigami:** YEA REALLY!? They deny it because they have **FEELINGS**! That isn't **hate** XD. I love it. Yes Kisame will be seme…bigger penis is on top :D yay. As for scarring Sasuke for life…I have a different way for doing that. -Evil laughter- -cough- thank you for reviewing

**Uchihacest:** …HI JAQ! WHY ARE YOU READING OUR STORY!? XD…oh yea…I told you too he he he…well I'm glad you got sick –sticks tongue out at you.-

**Pockyfreakincrazy4bois:** thank you for your review…I know my original character is a little out of character but…she's psycho…I LOVE YOU MATTY!!!!!!

**YOU MUST READ IMPORTANT! I need to explain a few things…like who plays what characters or played…whatever…**

**Nolena-Sama plays As …Nolena Sama, the waiter, the hotel clerk, Kisame, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke, the old man at Ichiraku **

**Jaq plays as Itachi-kun Naruto, Sakura and the guard at the gate I think that's it**

That will be repeated throughout the rest of my chapters with new people added to our lists. Ok!? Good -happy smile-

Note: It's the middle of May in this story… 

**Disclaimer:** DON'T OWN… and don't care…fuck you

* * *

_Last Time: _

_Nolena stops in mid-step realizing something. "He is the Kyuubi vessel." Kisame looks at Itachi and Itachi looks back. "Well…" "Oh forget it lets go!" She grabs their arms and teleports them to where ever Naruto is…or is going to be._

_THIS TIME…I think…  
_  
**CHAPTER FOUR: Meetings and Greetings-**

The key!

**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech…"

_Italics are for thinking _

**ANOTHER NOTICE: I noticed I screwed something up in this story that I thought was random and funny…so this is the revised ending version**

* * *

"Whoa…dizzy…" Kisame stumbles when they land in the tree near Team sevens training grounds. They spot Naruto who is arriving after them run towards a girl with bright pink hair and a boy with black hair.

"HEY SASUKE, SAKURA!"

Sasuke smirks at the blonde and pulls him close to his chest by Naruto's waist.

"Hey dobe…" Naru-chan blushes

"Hey Teme…" Sakura glares at the blonde hugging her long time crush as Sasuke leans down to steal a good morning kiss from his boyfriend.

Nolena-sama stares at these people…especially the Uchiha.

"Itachi…is that you're little brother?"

"Hai…"

"He's cute…like you…especially with his little boyfriend Naruto…" She earns a glare from the Uchiha and laughs quietly at him.

"Is Kakashi-sensei late again?"

Sakura rolls her eyes.

"Of course Naruto you idiot. It's Kakashi-sensei!" The orange clad fool glares at Sakura.

"Mean."

Figuring it would be a long wait the black haired girl sits against the tree and falls into a state of meditation.

* * *

**(-ONE BEAUTIFULY BORING HOUR LATER-)**

* * *

"HELLO!!! Sorry I was tending to my dolphin this morning…" YES! Kakashi-sensei had arrived. Sasuke sighs bordly and ignores his teacher, while Sakura glares and Naruto is…Naruto. (He he –smiles-)

Kakashi's voice snaps Nolena out of her meditation. She looks around lazily…

"What I miss?" She spots Kakashi. "And he is…"

Itachi speaks up to answer her question.

"That's Their Sensei … Kakashi Hatake…he just arrived."

"Oh…"

A kunai knife is thrown up at them; which Nolena catches in her teeth.

"You can come down now…" Nolena jumps down first.

"OHAYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi and Kisame follow.

"Hey Uzumaki!"

Sasuke glares at her wondering how this random girl knows his beloved boyfriend.

"Who the hell are you!?" Kakashi asks Naruto instead…

"Naruto do you know them?"

"YES!!! It is the girl from the ramen bar!!!" he points and flails arms like a maniac.

"It's the boy from the ramen bar!!!" she jumps up and down smiling insanely.

Everyone is currently staring at the two freaks

"Nolena-Sama…was there sugar or something in your ramen?" She gives him a long stare then looks at Naruto again.

"So you're a ninja eh?"

In Kisame's mind he is thinking…_Kisame ignored…Kisame sad..._

"YES I AM!" Naruto taps his leaf ninja headband on his forehead proudly.

"We are ninja's too, from water country! I was in Germany for the past 10 years so I could be around for much…"

This bugs Kisame-kun for who knows why…_What is she up to? Does it have to do with the Chuunin exams coming up? ... _

"Germany? " Question mark appears over Naruto's head.

"Yes Germany!" Nolena suddenly takes out world map from out of nowhere and points to where it is. "It's an awesome place there are Alchemists there!"

"Should we do something?"

"Nah…don't worry about Naruto, Sasuke…"

Itachi is just standing there doing nothing

"This is boring…" Getting an evil idea Nolena suddenly throws a large sharp object at the taller Uchiha that had appeared out of nothing... which he easily evades.

"Why are you so violent Nolena-sama?" ((ok this is important…Kisame will always call her Nolena-Sama and Itachi will always call her names or Nolena))

"Causes it is fun!!!"

"As I figured…" Kisame lets out a deep sigh.

Sasuke stands beside his blonde boyfriend eyeing the new people warily.

"Who are you anyway?"

"I am Nolena Takahashi! Brigadier General of the German army!" Naruto blinks at her announcement…

"COOL!!!"

"I'm … Katon…"

Itachi is about to reveal himself, but stops

"Er... Daisuke".

He yells at himself in his head for picking that name. Nolena begins laughing at Itachi because of his name.

* * *

**((YAY ANOTHER FIGHT!)) **

* * *

"SHUT UP, BITCH!" throws random kunai

Nolena dodges the kunai. "SHUT UP TEME"

"SHUT UP, ANNOYING PEST!"

"I'M ONLY ANNOYING BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY!"

"I'M ONLY A PUSSY BECAUSE YOUR FACE IS ALWAYS IN MY WAY! WHICH IS INCREDIBLY _UGLY_, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH!"

"YOU ARE A FUCKING CRY BABY! YOU ARE JUST JEALOUSE BECAUSE I LOOK BETTER THAN YOU!"

Team seven and Kisame sit under a tree to watch the two freaks scream about pointless stuff, for no reason.

"HA! YOU LOOK BETTER THAN ME? MAYBE SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET OUT A LITTLE MORE! I'M THE SEXY BISHIE ALL THE FANGIRLS RAVE ABOUT!! I DON'T SEE YOU GETTING ANY FANGIRLS!" ((Me: Dot Dot Dot…since when does he like his fan girls? Jaq: since I said so Me: bitch… Jaq: damn straight! ))

"MAYBE THATS BECAUSE I'M STRAIGHT! AND I KILLED ALL THE FANBOYS!"

"THE FANBOYS YOU NEVER HAD!"

"WELL YOU'RE A FAG!"

"WELL YOU'RE A MOTHERFUCKIN DICKSUCKER!"

Nolena grins, "Yes, yes I am."

Kakashi turns to the sulking Kisame

"Do they always act like this? They are attracting attention..."

"…Yes…sadly…" Naruto rolls his eyes

"Well it got boring real quick!"

Kakashi nods in agreement, "I've been waiting for Daisuke to hit her...Who would win?"

"Nolena-sama…you don't want to know why..."

"Oh…" Kaakshi returns to his porn book.

"I hate Daisuke! He is such…an Uke!"

"Bitch plz!"

"Jeeze…-sigh- your are so stupid...-changes moods- so Naurto are you taking the Chuunin exams?"

"YES WE ARE!!!" Naruto shows off his infamous Uzumaki grin.

"Yay! Then we'll meet up with you guys...but right now we have to go back to Water country then come back cause I need to do something..."

"Really? What is it?"

"I don't know…nor care…ask Daisuke" she snickers at the name again…Itachi glares.

Naruto wanders up to the glaring Uchiha in disguise.

"Hey Daisuke! Why are you guys going back to water country?" Itachi being Itachi just ignores him and turns away.

"HEY! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!"

"And? …"

"Your suppose to answer!"

"Says who?"

"SAYS ME!"

The black haired girl snickers at the ridiculous debate about conversation…

"Daisuke-kun…be nice to Naru-chan…he's only a little kid…"

"I'M NOT LITTLE!" She giggles

"Right, right…sorry 'bout that…anyway! We should be going…we have far to go…" She sees Itachi and Kisame already leaving.

"Ok…"

"I guess I'll see ya later -gives Naruto 300 yen- Get some Ramen on me Naruto-kun! BYE!" The black haired girl runs to catch up with her 'pets.'

Naruto pauses for a moment and stares at the cash in his hand.

"OH MY GOD! SCORE!" Sasuke raises a dark eyebrow.

"What the hell…"

"I'll be seeing her more often." The black haired boy smirks.

"Cheating on me now?"

"No! –Smiles- but she buys me ramen!"

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

**A/N:** XD ZOMG! That was stupid and short!!! I'm so sorry about that!!! And Nolena-sama here loved it…-smiles- anyway…I hope you guys liked it as much as I did and sorry about the late update…much love guys…peace!

**REVIEW, PLEASE IT ONLY TAKES 60 SECONDS!**


	5. KISS

**The most screwed up things happen to us**

**A/N: Updated. Please re-read.**

**A/N: **KONNECHIWA! TIS TIME TO READ CHAPTER FIVE! WHOO!

_**Special Thanks to:**_ (my lovely reviewers! –smiles-)

**Shinigami: **Thanks for the review my dear! Yes Sasuke-kun always has been and always will be an Uke. It's mostly because it says it in his name Sas**uke**. As for the lemon…I don't know…I got mah parents around and…I was already dubbed a pervert by MY FATHER. So…yea…

**Uchihacest: **Jaq…you're a pain in the ass…lol well thanks for reviewing love ya…

**Jon U: **

**Nolena-Sama plays As …Nolena Sama, the waiter, the hotel clerk, Kisame, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke, the old man at Ichiraku, Sasori…and maybe other people**

Jaq plays as Itachi-kun Naruto, Sakura, the guard at the gate, The Akatsuki leader and Deidara

**Time of year:** Mid May AKA spring.

* * *

Last time:

"_I guess I'll see ya later -gives Naruto 300 yen- Get some Ramen on me Naruto-kun! BYE!" The black haired girl runs to catch up with her 'pets.'_

_Naruto pauses for a moment and stares at the cash in his hand. "OH MY GOD! SCORE!" Sasuke raises a dark eyebrow. "What the hell…" "I'll be seeing her more often." The black haired boy smirks. "Cheating on me now?" "No! –Smiles- but she buys me ramen!"  
_  
This time:

**Chapter FIVE: K.I.S.S.**

The Key:

**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech"

_Italics are for thinking._

* * *

Itachi and Kisame are heading on the path to the Akatsuki hide out whispering quietly changing their forms as they get to a safe distance. The demon goddess traveling at far distance behind them to give them some space, also transforming.

"Itachi-san…what are we going to do about her while we file our report? I'm guessing she is taking us there...er…following."

"We tell her to hide…but close, so we don't get shocked..."

"I'm wondering about what she said..."

"Which thing? She said many things"

"Well… she said that the collars would shock us if we ran away or attacked her with killing intent or something like that... but what if she gives us permission to leave her side?" ((Please do not ask…I honestly could not think of anything else.))

"...Maybe your right…"

"We can ask later when we get closer...unless she wants to go in with us..."

"Ugh... I hope she doesn't… too annoying"

"And too many problems... maybe she will agree, she does treat us pretty well aside from fighting with you..." Itachi nods in agreement.

"I just don't understand why she forced us to hang around her...why would a demon goddess do such a thing? Don't they other things to do?"

"Who knows…"

"Why do you think? Your the genius…"

"She has a liking to us, I don't know. Or she likes to annoy people out of their minds."

"Oh well...She's a bitch. A very annoying, bitch."

"Well technically she is a female wolf... not a dog"

The sharingan wielder glares at Kisame.

"Shut up."

"Sorry Itachi-san."

The goddess following the two men stops walking and stares after them, her ears dropping sadly. _'__Do they hate me that much? … Am I that cruel?'_ She continues following slowly not wanting to bother them.

"Hopefully she won't tag along, I don't even want to hear it from the others…"

"Yea it would be so humiliating."

"It wont ever end..."

"I know..."

"Where is Nolena-sama anyway?" The questioned ninja glances behind them.

"Back there."

"Do you think she can she hear us? I don't really want her to attack us at the moment..."

"I don't know. Maybe we should keep quiet…" Kisame nods in agreement.

* * *

**(-Night fall-)**

* * *

"You two go find somewhere to sleep…I'll keep watch…"

"Don't you need to sleep Nolena-sama?"

"No…go to sleep" With that she jumps up into a tree silently.

"Itachi-san?"

"Goodnight Kisame…-lays at the base of a tree- sleep is a good idea." Kisame settles at the base of the tree across from the Uchiha.

"What the hell is wrong with her now...she's all like emotionless like you..."

"Eh...Too bad for her." He brings his straw hat down to cover his face as he sleeps.

"Besides…it's not like we need to care."

"Whatever...goodnight Itachi-ku -stops self-san..."

"Night."

The silver haired girl stares down at them sadly.

"I hate myself…" She curls up setting into a meditation state.

* * *

**(-Next morning; somewhere about 10 miles from the Akatsuki hideout-)**

* * *

"Nolena-sama, We need to ask you...can you let us go-" The girl turns to him sharply giving him an unreadable look.

"Whatever, come back in 24 hours I'm waiting here..."

"Uh thank you. Lets leave now Itachi-san." The black haired ninja nods.

"If you don't come back I will come and find you" Both ninja's nod and continue down the path to the Akatsuki hideout.

* * *

**(A/N: this little part is stupid so just go with it…)**

**(-1mile and 7/8ths later-)**

* * *

"We better not get shocked again Itachi-san…"

"God…I hope not"

* * *

**(-Some time later-) (A/N: See?)**

* * *

"Ok...I feel safe..." Itachi rolls his eyes at his blue companion.

"Whatever"

"I don't think she is actually trying to hurt us now..."

"Me either…"

"Then what the hell is she trying to do?"

"Whatever she wants...That is what she says."

"I really wanna know when she will let us go..."

"Be patient."

"But...I cant stand being someone's pet!" _Shit…_

"Too Bad…"

"Don't you care in the least? I mean this is so degrading no matter how well she treats us!"

"No shit."

"I just pray to whatever god is up there that the rest of the Akatsuki doesn't notice the collars... or find out about Nolena-sama…"

Itachi sighs. "They'll notice. Especially Deidara…-twitches- Oh, by the way, we should change back...the rest of the Akatsuki will wonder why we look so different…"

"Good idea…" Kisame transforms and un-shrinks his sword, his companion follows suit.

"Alright then. C'mon, we're almost there…" Kisame nods and follows Itachi, walking closer to his side and smiles in his mind when Itachi doesn't notice.

* * *

**(-THE HIDEOUT!!!-)**

* * *

Itachi walks quickly through the halls to not waste time.

"C'mon, lets get to Leader before-"

"**Itachi-san, Kisame-san, un!" **

"Before that happens…shit…"

"What do you want Deidara?"

"Your a day late! Leader got cranky because you never came yesterday, un! What took you so long? Un!"

"Well I wanted to get sushi! ..."

"You might not wanna use that as an excuse, un. You know how angry Leader gets, un."

Itachi glares at the annoying female looking blonde.

"Yeah, yeah...Just leave us alone and go make your explosives."

"FINE!…un…" Deidara leaves.

With that the two partners go in search of their leader.

* * *

**(A/N: since no one cares about the report…and I have no idea what to say...we'll skip it! –smiles-)**

**(-AFTER THE REPORT-)**

* * *

They are about to leave but…

"Oh, yes, and before you go…"

((A/N: Itachi will do the talking…Kisame is a nervous wreck but he will be the one stuttering if he does.))

"What?"

"You wouldn't have lied about anything?"

"…………………………..No."

Kisame's thoughts: _please don't see the collars please don't see the collars please don't see the collars please don't see the collars…_

"No secrets, or anything? - Eyeing them –"

"………………………No."

"No…strange apparel?"

"……………………………………………..No."

"No one claiming you as their pets?"

"……………………………………………………………………………………No."

"No crazy demons pestering you?"

"…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………No."

"No rape?"

"…-Twitch twitch- NO! …"

"N-nothing of the s-sort happened! W-we'll be going n-now..."

Door opens and footsteps are heard.

"Oh My Fucking God, UN!" The leader gives Deidara a look.

"What now?"

"YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T NOTICE? UN"

"Wh-what? What didn't I notice!?"

"OMFG UN!!!"

"WHAT IS IT YOU WORTHLESS FOLLOWER?!"

"OMFG IT'S SO OBVIOUS, - flails arms – UN!"

"WTF!?"

"THEM!!! –Points at Itachi and Kisame-" The leader looks at them and Itachi gets an Anime anger throb.

"THEY ARE WEARING -stops in mid-sentence and falls to the ground-"

After successfully knocking the annoying shinobi out cold Itachi turns to leave the room.

"My work here is done."

"Yea we'll be going now."

"Adios! Ja ne! OH YEAH I LIKE YOUR COLLARS! I'D ENJOY IF YOU TOLD ME WHERE YOU GOT THEM!!" both men stop in mid step.

"Aw shit."

"I HATE YOU!!!"

"You thought I didn't notice? So, where'd you get 'em? Kink store?"

"-Growls - No!"

"-Twitching- sicko!"

"Well, tell me…why didn't you take them off?" Kisame mumbles something incoherent.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell?"

Itachi shifts his eyes away from the Leaders intense gaze.

"...Uh... -lies- We accidentally super glued them on." Kisame sweat drops times 3.

"Please. Deidara accidentally super glued his head to a pole and yet you got him off from _there_…"

"Well... uh...-sighs-"

"Just tell me."

"Uhg…Itachi-san…you tell him I'll just die

"- Sighs - I'll make a long story short. There is this crazy, lunatic demon Goddess girl or whatever who put them on us ad now we can't take them or, and we can't run away or we get shocked...So there."

At first the leader just stares and blinks, then there is a long pause. Then…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Blue skinned swordsman bangs his head against the wall but is protected by his Haiate. ((how is it spelled?))

"I'm leaving now." He begins to walk out.

"ITACHI WAIT FOR ME!!!"

**(A/N: Raise your hand if you thought all of that was stupid. –raises hand-)**

Deidara wakes up and remembers everything, then runs off to tell everyone.

((just watch this is cute…then it's kind of freakish.)) Kisame catches up to Itachi and isn't thinking after banging his skull against the wall.

"Itachi-kun what do we do now..."

At the mention of his name with the endearing suffix he stops and sharply faces Kisame.

" Itachi- _KUN_?" Kisame freezes in place blushing looking almost scared and innocent as kid who got caught sneaking cookies.

"I-I-I uh…um…" He falls silent.

The dark Uchiha raises a slim eyebrow at him.

"What the fuck was that?" The blue man just blushes more unable to answer.

"Start explaining. Now." Kisame's blush deepens.

"...If you don't tell me now, I'm going to have to hurt you, and you don't want me to hurt you right?" Shark-man blushes again and mumbles something.

"What was that? I didn't hear you." He mumbles again louder but not clear enough.

"Louder." Shifting his eyes away from Itachi's intense stare he finally says it.

"I-I um…I l-like you…I've liked you ever since we met…"

Itachi stares at him, his face unreadable.

"Uhh…I-I..." Kisame sighs and looks at Itachi again.

"Y-You can hit me now…if you want…" He looks down, avoiding Itachi's emotionless eyes.

The shorter man moves closer to him in his line of view, and raises his hand towards Kisame's face, looking as if he's going to hit him. The taller man closes his eyes preparing for a painful beating from his crush, but it never came instead he felt a gentle caressing. He leans into the feeling.

"And you didn't tell me before." Kisame opens his eyes slightly staring down at Itachi

"No…"

"I should slap you for that." Hardly finding his voice the blue man whispers.

"Why?"

Itachi leans up closer to Kisame's face. "I don't like you…"

Kisame's head inclines an inch ((he nodded)) sorrow in his eyes. The black haired ninja closes his eyes and leans closer a breath away.

"I love you."

"You…love...me..." He places a hand on Itachi's hand that is against his face and uses his other to caress Itachi's cheek.

"And that's why I should slap you, because it'd be easier if you told me before…"

"I-"

"I'm not going to."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"This…" Itachi leans up the rest of the way and presses his soft lips against Kisame's rougher ones. Kisame leans down into the kiss warmth spreading through out his body.

The elder Uchiha slides his arms around Kisame's neck and feels a tongue begging for permission to enter, he parts his lips and a cool tongue slides in and tentatively touches his. Their tongues dance for a while and fighting for dominance, Kisame eventually winning.

Itachi may be the better fight but Kisame was the stronger kisser.

After making out for a while they pull away and Kisame rests his chin on Itachi's head holding him close.

"Mmmh…"

"I love you Itachi-kun..." The gorgeous man looks up at Kisame and gives him that never before seen smile.

"I…I love you too."

Shark-man leans down capturing his lips again just in time for a door to the hallway to open.

Deidara walks in dragging Sasori by the Arm.

"…AND THEY HAVE THESE COLLARS ON AND EVERYTHING!! And they said that if they go to far, it'd- -stops in misstep and stares at the scene.- . O.M.F.G."

"What?" Sasori looks in their direction..

"OMG!"

"Oh shit…"

"Fuck…the loser team is here…"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, -points- I KNEW IT! Un."

"What do you want now?" Kisame -lazily rests his head on Itachi's shoulder as he hugs him from behind.

"Yea…they look like dog collars." The blonde nods furiously in agreement.

"Go away."

"But Itachi-san...-starts laughing- so who is it? Who made you their pets!" Kisame raises his Samehada and Itachi forces himself to not go Mangekyou Sharingan on their asses.

"That is none of your business."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease tell us Itachi-san, un?"

"I'll just bug the leader..."

"Fine. He'd be glad to tell you…-rolls eyes-"

"Thank god he doesn't know who exactly..."

"Yea."

"JUST TELL US!"

"PLEASE!? UN."

"No…"

"Fine, we'll just tell everyone you two were making out!"

"I don't know which is worse..."

"So what is it going to be? Tell us or we tell the Akatsuki you were making out..."

The two questioned ninja's share a glance.

"Ok then come on Deidara we got people to tell…"

"OK! Un." The two weirdoes' begin to walk off.

"Uh...WAIT!" Sasori turns and smirks at them.

"Yes?"

"Uh…well…"

"It was…uh…"

"It's not that big of a deal..." Itachi's face falls into serious mode.

"Trust me. It is."

"I don't know how to explain it..."

Deidara grows bored and plays with some clay he had in his pocket, shaping it in to one of his exploding birds.

"Just say who it is!"

"IT WAS A FRIGGIN DEMON GODDESS GIRL NAMED NOLENA, OKAY?!?!?!! -Eye twitches angrily and he's huffing.- SO FUCK OFF!"

There is a long silence. Then Sasori and Deidara begin laughing like Hyena's. Kisame proceeds to calm Itachi with out losing a limb.

"A demon goddess girl!? Yea right"

"YEA WHAT DO YOU TAKE US FOR!? FOOLS!? Un."

"Could have fooled me…"

"It's true...and we have to get back in 23 hours... -twitch-... or she'll come find us...and leader will be angry."

"Suuree, Un."

"Go fuck yourself!"

"I do that before bed Itachi-san." Itachi glares at him.

"Well if she has to come and find you if you don't leave at the appropriate time then don't leave...so we can meet her, if she is real I mean."

Itachi gives Kisame a shocked look, clearly not liking where this is going.

"Honestly...I don't want to know what happens if we don't go back..."

"Me neither."

"Too bad, you're staying, un!"

"Your such wimps."

"How do you plan on making us stay?"

"Oh don't worry Kisame-san Leader-sama will take care of that."

Itachi sighs. This was going to be a loooooooong day.

* * *

**(-23 hours later-)**

* * *

A blue skinned man and an exhausted looking pale man sit in a dark room with one door that was sealed shut.

"Itachi-kun –sigh- I wonder if she will kill them for us."

"Maybe she will...I hope she kills Deidara and Sasori first."

"But I doubt it...she doesn't seem the type to kill for no reason."

"Yea…"

Footsteps are heard outside the door in the hallway…and the door is kicked in.

"Ya know...this place has shity security." The silver haired girl standing at 6'4"wags her wolfy tail gently.

"Nolena-sama..."

"Yeah, I know they do…" Itachi answers stoicly.

Sasori and Deidara walk in not even noticing the door was kicked in or the 6-foot goddess in the room.

"Itachi...Kisame...has she come after you yet?" Itachi points at her and the others stare at her.

"They weren't lying, un…"

"Ooo k... I though demons were suppose to be bloodthirsty and **look** dangerous." She glares at him.

"She looks like a wolf pup. Innocent and harmless."

Nolena pins Sasori to the ground on his stomach with his arms twisted behind him in a painful position and she bites into his neck but not at the vital point.

"SASORI NO DANNA! UN!"

The black haired girls prey cries in pain and struggles to get free. Itachi and Kisame watch laughing at Sasori. Nolena bites harder, blood flowing from the wound.

"THAST IT UN! -He makes a larger clay bird and sends it on Nolena's head. It sits there for a minute, and then it explodes and smoke is everywhere- DID IT WORK?"

When the smoke clears they see a very excited demon girl.

"Yay explosions! -Lets go of Sasori and stands up making an explosive out of thin air and throws it at Deidara- BWHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT!"

"Ow…" Sasori's wound continues to bleed as he clutches it and curls in pain on the floor.

"EEK! - Backs up and the explosive just misses him- HEY, I'm THE EXPLOSIVE JUNKIE, UN!"

"Whatever...-staring at him for a while- are you...guy?"

"Yes I am a guy." The Goddess starts laughing.

"OMG YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL!"

Deidara was not happy, he was offended by the fact he was called a girl, and he is now rambling on about how he isn't a girl.

Nolena's prey stands up in pain finally controlling the bleeding.

"We are all aware of that...and how can you be a demon goddess your a fricken maniac..."

"You have no idea Sasori…"

"So...these...gentlemen had to be the reason why you did not come back right?" The fresh couple nod simultaneously.

"Yes...please don't hurt us Nolena-sama…" Kisame seems to become more pitiful as the days go by.

"I wont…"She pauses to kick them into a wall.

"They deserve the punishment."

The two victimized ninja's groan in pain, Deidara jumps up flailing his arms.

"I WON'T STAND FOR THIS, UN!" Nolena stares at him.

"So...how did they become Akatsuki?"

"Well, I know how Sasori did, but seriously, I'm not so sure about Deidara..."

"HEY! UN"

"Why does he end his sentences with Un?"

"Who knows…"

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

**A/N:** Hey guys thanks for reading I made it twice as long as normal cause I've been reeeeeeeeeal busy with school and swim practice. Thanks again readers.

**REVIEW IT ONLY TAKES 60 SECONDS!**


	6. A Change of Pace

**The most screwed up things happen to us**

**A/N: Updated. Please re-read.**

**A/N: **TIME FOR CHAPTER 6!!! –Cheers loudly- … anyway…since I had few reviews for the last chapter…-sobs- I wont do any _**Special Thanks **_for anyone because you guys are mean. So to those who did review; thank you, they were appreciated.

Now for the usual Factors:

YOU MUST READ IMPORTANT! I need to explain a few things…like who plays what characters or played…whatever…

Nolena-Sama plays As …Nolena Sama, the waiter, the hotel clerk, Kisame, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke, the old man at Ichiraku, Sasori…and maybe other people

Jaq plays as Itachi-kun Naruto, Sakura, and the guard at the gate, The Akatsuki leader and Deidara

Uh…

**Note: THIS IS IMPORTANT!!! I AM SOOOOOO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED BUT PEOPLE DIDN'T SEEM TO LIKE IT. Anyway…I have to step outside of my role-play area to make some changes…this is because it has been brought to my attention that Nolena-sama is a Mary-sue…-groans- I did not want that. Nolena really isn't that powerful though she is a goddess but she is more powerful than any HUMAN…I don't want to give her character away much but please continue to read on.**_**  
**_

**Time of year:** Mid May AKA spring.

_Last Time: _

"_I wont... -kicks Sasori into Deidara and into a wall- they deserve the punishment." _

_The two victimized ninja's groan in pain, Deidara jumps up flailing his arms. "I WON'T STAND FOR THIS, UN!" Nolena stares at him. "So...how did they become Akatsuki?"_

"_Well, I know how Sasori did, but seriously, I'm not so sure about Deidara..." "HEY! UN"_

"_Why does he end his sentences with Un?" "Who knows…" _

* * *

This Time:

**Chapter SIX: A Change of Pace**

The Key:

**Bold is for whatever… **

"These are for speech"

"I am going to kill her…"

"How do you plan on doing that Sasori?"

"Shut up Kisame-san."

"If we couldn't kill her, what makes you think you can?"

"SHUT UP ITACHI-SAN! I just can…"

"Well good luck with that cause I can't kill myself it's a curse -smiles innocently- ok Itachi, Kisame, lets go!" The two Akatsuki members sigh miserably and follow the demon Goddess.

"They hardly listen to Leader but they do what she says...lets follow them Deidara."

"ALRIGHT! UN."

The two men follow them.

* * *

**(NIGHT TIME-)**

* * *

"Do you think Nolena-sama noticed the idiots are following us?"

"Probably…She's most likely plotting the 'funnest way' to murder them."

"Uh…no I think that is you, she is probably just ignoring them."

"Ah, well. -Sneaks closer to Kisame- They'll be dead in a while anyways." Kisame smiles at Itachi and grasps his hand gently, and then Itachi smiles back lightly.

After an hour of traveling in the dark Nolena-sama stops and turn to them.

"We can camp here for the night...and Sasori, Deidara...stop pretending I don't know your there...it's embarrassing." The two ninja's in hiding slink out from the shadowy trees and stay silent.

Kisame takes his beloved by the hand and drags him into the forest and leans up against the base of a tree pulling Itachi to his chest in between his legs.

"Goodnight Itachi-kun."

The smaller man blushes and snuggles closely.

"Good night Kisame…"

"Why are you two following us?"

"Reasons…un…"

"Right…"

"Why are you keeping them as your...pets?" Nolena's eyes darken with sadness and something else they couldn't identify.

"That is none of your concern...-jumps up into a tree- Now go to sleep"

The two ninja's wander off and find their own places to sleep.

* * *

**(-MORNING-)**

* * *

Itachi and Kisame wake up to Nolena yelling at them to wake up. When both open their eyes they see their "Master" gushing blood from her left shoulder; that had a large blade wound that was at least 6 inches long.

"Nolena-sama…what happened?"

"That not important right now! We need to move!" She pulls them o their feet.

"Now come on!" Nolena heads down the forest path and the other two ninja follow after her. They left Sasori and Deidara behind.

A tall man in dark clothing and hood carrying a 30-inch blade dripping with blood follows the three ninja. A smirk plays across his face as he conceals himself in the shadows of the trees as he follows.

"I will capture you…"

Kisame runs along side the goddess.

"Now where did you get that wound?" She disregards the question and just jumps ahead of them. The shark man turns to his lover questionably.

"Don't look at me…"

"Sorry Itachi-san…"

* * *

**(-Hours later-)**

* * *

After running for so long the three stop at a near by village, and wandered in. Well…Nolena forced them to go in.

"Just transform into your disguises…we'll hang out here for a while then we'll go ok? Good now go do whatever" Nolena walks off and heads to a small hospital to take care of her arm.

The Uchiha transforms into his 'Daisuke' disguise; Kisame follows his lead.

"I'm going to get some tea…come along Kisame…" Itachi leads Kisame to the nearest Teahouse, they order and sit at their table, neither speaking, both confused.

* * *

**(-2 days later-)**

* * *

Continuing their journey back to the Konoha village and almost to the gate, the Akatsuki members engage in a conversation about completing their mission to capture the Kyuubi jinjuriki. (Did I spell that right?)

With her shoulder bandaged tightly but still bleeding, Nolena takes the form of her disguise as Nikkie.

_I wonder what this feeling is that I'm getting…is something bad going to happen?_ She looks back at Itachi and Kisame guilt slightly tugs at her.

_I should probably take off those collars…but then I will have no control over them and they wont stay with me…I'm such a sad person…and idiotic…_

* * *

**(-The Hokage's office-)**

* * *

The blonde haired Hokage folds her hands on her desk and sighs before speaking to her audience of two Jounin ranked ninja.

"Do you two know of the three 'Water country ninjas' that have applied for the Chuunin exams?" The two ninja's nod.

"Good…well according to a couple of our hunter nins'… these three ninja's were spotted on the path toward a different country but were seen transforming into two Akatsuki members; Uchiha Itachi and a shark-like man named Kisame and an unknown female. They are also coming here right now according to our ninja."

"W-what do you wish for us to do Hokage-sama?"

"Well, Hinata-san…yours, and Neji-san's gentle fist technique is what we need to take them down...that is if they do not cooperate in the first place. I do not know what their motives are but I would like you to disable them and bring them here."

Both of the Hyuuga descendants bow to the Hokage and leave with lightning speed.

* * *

**(-With the other three-)**

* * *

All three sneeze at the exact same time…and think nothing of it…considering they are all idiots…of course they don't. Itachi takes out a silk handkerchief and wipes his nose mumbling about getting a cold; Kisame doesn't react. Nolena…er…Nikkie smiles at the guard from the first time they were here and they are allowed to pass.

"Hey…Let's go see if we can get our old hotel rooms again…then we can go eat ok?"

"Hn…"

"Whatever…" the dark haired girl smiles and rolls her eyes.

_I do believe I have grown fond of those two in the past few days…but they were both stupid to fall into my trap…but they are amazing ninja nevertheless. _Nolena chuckles to her self.

"What are you laughing about Nolena-sama?"

The appointed girl blinks at Kisame.

"Nothing…just thinking." The Uchiha rolls his eyes in a very un-Uchiha like way.

"When you laugh I wonder if you're plotting something against us or another way to humiliate me…"

"Shut up Itachi! I'm not so cruel to plan out torture!"

"I wonder…"

"YOUR MEAN!!!!!"

"Your childish…and loud"

Nolena twitches, "I AM NOT!!!"

He shakes his head, "Point proven."

She twitches and is about to react but two unknown people (to them) approach. Itachi being the only 'sane' one and probably more intelligent (in normality) of the three scans them and recognizes them as Hyuuga. He finds them as a threat and keeps up his guard.

"You three…please come with us."

_The female is injured…a weak spot…this is good for me to use…_ Becoming 'serious' Nolena turns to them and stands in front of her 'pets' to 'protect' them.

"May I ask why?"

"The Hokage would like to speak with you about your participation in the Chuunin exams."

"Why? What is the need for that?"

"We would appreciate not speaking of it in such a public place."

"P-please just come with us it will b-be much easier."

The masquerading Goddess narrows her eyes at them.

"What is the threat of us three 'gennin' that such a matter needs to be discussed elsewhere?"

"As I said it needs to be some where less public."

"Then we are not going to go unless I get a proper and or satisfying reason."

Neji slowly slides into his Divination stance, as Hinata sees this she follows his lead.

"You leave us no choice then…"

Sensing this would be a bad place to have a fight considering the small space…Kisame makes that obvious.

"Nol-Nikkie! We should move!" The two Akatsuki members begin to turn to leave.

Being unaware of what the Hyuugas' are doing she turns her head to him.

"That might-" Before she can finish Neji begins his Jyuuken, and the first two strikes land upon Nolena's injured shoulder and the wound automatically begins gushing blood. She bites back a scream of pain and blocks or evades the rest of Neji's blows.

Itachi shakes his head in disappointment and Kisame almost worries.

"GET OFF ME YOU FREAK!" She punches him in the face sending him into the land of semi-unconsciousness but is attacked by the female and she feels the inside of her abdomen rupture. She rakes her claws across Hinata's face clutching her stomach with the other and runs of with the other two.

Civilians have gathered to watch the predicament and most of them leave the area in case something else was to happen.

Hinata clutches her face that is bleeding but not too bad, thankfully the demon goddess didn't have enough force to do much more damage. She looks over at Neji and rushes to his side as he sits up clutching his nose that is obviously broken.

"BROTHER! A-are you alright?"

"I'm fine Hinata-sama…"

"T-they got away…" (Why does she stutter? Can anyone tell me? I'd really like to know…bedsides the Naruto issue.)

"Yea…at least we know they are not our allies…"

"H-hai…w-we'd better report to Hokage-sama."

Neji nods.

"She will heal us…" He seems a bit embarrassed.

"Yea…"

* * *

**(-With the other three-)** ((I'm a broken record…))

* * *

The three get to a clearing in the forest a mile outside the Village. Itachi turns to scream at Nolena for not paying attention to her enemy but stops him self when he sees her throwing up blood.

After a few minutes she subsides and sits against a tree, clutching her shoulder. She mutters to her self angrily.

"Nolena-sama…are you alright?" She gives him a look.

"Sorry…"

"Two injuries…in one week…new record…I'm getting very horrible a this…"

"Horrible at what? Being a goddess? Or is it- "

"Shut up Itachi…-glare- I wont die from this but my body isn't going to be able to generate any chakra at all for at least four days…"

"So your useless…"

"Sadly…yes…and with us now being pursued, we are in danger."

She stands up painfully using the tree as support.

"And I will not risk loosing you two to my enemies…" Both stare at her.

"Since when do you give a damn about our lives?" ((Itachi said that))

"Lets get out of here…they are going to be searching for us sooner or later…"

"Fine…"

The three jump through the trees through the forest as fast as possible. The pursuer of Nolena following behind them shortly, un noticed.

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

**A/N:** Hey guys!!! Thank you for reading this chapter and sorry a million times for not updating for soooooo long. –sobs-. Yea … anyway I hope I'm changing Nolena-sama's image as a Mary-sue…cause she defiantly is not! I wonder if anyone can guess what will happen next! I don't know –looks suspicious-…hmmm…anyone want to toss an idea to me and I'll put it in? Oh yea…I edited the first five chapters! They we're evil and full of my little notations…it is annoying I know so I deleted the non-important ones.

**PLEASE REVIEW! IT TAKES 60 SECONDS.**


	7. Encounters

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen To Us**

**A/N: Updated. Please re-read.**

**A/N:** Yay…Chapter…-sigh- what chapter is this? …-Looks at last pages- oh…. SEVEN…wheeeeee…yea…I'm excited…

**DEDICATION**: To my friend in Pennsylvania …I needed ideas…she threw them at me…it caused me pain and I wrote them –grins- so anything in here that is retarded is half her fault…HA!

* * *

_Last Time: _

"_Since when do you give a damn about our lives?" ((Itachi said that))_

"_Lets get out of here…they are going to be searching for us sooner or later…" _

"_Fine…"_

_The three jump through the trees through the forest as fast as possible. The pursuer of Nolena following behind them shortly, unnoticed. _

* * *

This time:

**Chapter SEVEN: Encounters**

The Key:

**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech"

_Italics are for thinking._

* * *

**(-30 minutes after retreating-)**

* * *

"Come on! We got to move faster! I don't want to be anywhere near that village…" Even though she may not be showing it, the girl is in extreme pain that was caused by the Hyuuga cousins. She could feel that the shoulder wound had been poisoned and it was now taking effect, she knew it was going to greatly affect her performance but she'd try for her best.

"You're the one who is going slow…we are just keeping at your speed…"

"…Be quiet weasel boy!"

"…Bitch"

"GO SUCK AN EGG!"

"…What kind of comeback is that?"

"…"

Kisame interrupts before they can take their 'friendly' argument any further.

"Nolena-sama…are you sure you don't want one of us to carry you? …You ARE slowing down…"

Nolena sighs and continues at the speed they are going ignoring the pain in her abdomen that comes with every leap.

* * *

_**((-FLASHBACK!!!-))**_(You knew one was gonna come at some point.)

* * *

_Nolena creeps down from her perch in the tree and into the dark forest light by the half full moon. As she reaches a small clearing she sees a darkly clothed man with a hood over his head. _

"_Who are you." _

_The only part of this strangers face showing is his mouth, which slowly curves into a smirk. _

"_Now, now Nolena…how could you forget me?" _

_Before answering the goddess skims this mans tall muscled form not recognizing him at all. _

"_Easily." _

_The mouth turns into a slight frown. _

"_Dear Nolena…are you truly that ignorant, to forget your trainer?" _

_There is a short moment of silence. __What the hell is he doing here?_

"…_Why did you always dub me as an idiot?" _

"_Why must you act like one?" _

"_I do not…-turns to leave- Just go away you wasting my time."_

_The cloaked man glares at her beneath the hood and teleports in front of her holding the tip of his 30-inch sword to her throat. _

"_You are not leaving."_

_She disregards the blade and glares at him sternl., _

"_And why not?" _

"_You have something that I want…" _

"_Which is…" _

"_Immortality" _

(A/N: It is possible to take such a trait from another being, it has happened in the series any way…just thought you should know before asking…)

_An emotionless expression falls upon the goddess' face. _

"_Pathetic, as always." She takes a step back and walks around her trainer barely getting a few yards before he lashes out at her._

"_Do not speak of me as such brat!" he catches her arm and slams her into the ground and holds the blade to her throat. _

"_Just because you can not die from the most lethal of wounds wont stop you from feeling pain right!?" _

"_Shut up." Quickly kicking him off of her she rolls into a fighting stance. _

"_Get up and fight, Damien-sensei."_

_A dark smirk grazes his face as he stands into a mirrored position of hers, but wielding a blade. _

"_You will lose my dear…I am the one who trained you." _

"_That is for our skills to decide…" _

_In a flash the two are moving at intense speeds; nearly matching each other's power. Just nearly; too bad for Nolena._

_Suddenly the trainer has the trainee running while clutching the wound he had just laid upon her, the sun was just rising and nothing excites a veteran God more than spilt blood. The blade that had but into the victims skin was dusted with a delicate poison, results may vary. _

* * *

_**(-End Flashbac**__**k-)**_

* * *

_I will kill that son of bitch for this…If only I knew how…_

Nolena just stops on a tree branch when the pain in her body becomes numb and she looses all feeling, everything begins to blur. She is falling.

_Great…more pain…_ She closes her eyes and retreats to the darkness of her mind. (Meditation)

Someone catches her before she hits the forest ground.

"Seems like the idiot finally ran her self into the ground…"

"Yea…lets get out of here before something else happens…"

* * *

**(-In Nolena's Mind-) (Nolena's P.O.V.)**

* * *

I look around me, and it's pitch black. Sweet relief…I can now escape the outside torture. A figure advances me, shadowed by the dark but as it comes closer I recognize who it is.

"MADAM CELEST! Why are you here?"

The woman nods to me, she is dressed richly in a velvety light blue cloak and a white flowing dress. Her white hair hooded by her cloak.

"I've been watching you child, for a long time, and I'm not happy."

I gulp quietly and bow lowly. I do not speak.

"You have not been fulfilling your duty, child. Would you like me to remove your powers from you as well?"

I bite my tongue and stand back up.

"I-I'm sorry madam…but…The human race just WONT accept demons into their life style…I mean… my own apprentice had to screw it up more as it is…by attacking them."

I don't get a good response from her. I get smacked in the face to the floor, with the edge of her staff.

"That would be your own fault wench! I made you the goddess of Demons because you're half a demon goddess yourself! YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CONTROLL THEM!"

I stand up not bothering with the bruise on my face.

"Madam…I'm sorry…B-but I'm also injured and my master is trying to capture me again."

I am struck down again but Celeste places a heeled foot on my chest and press down hard.

"I sent him to keep you in check! Apparently you screwed up again! You are one of our lowest Goddess' and if you can not complete you mission in 2 weeks I will rip your rank from you!"

My eyes widen.

"MADAM THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!"

"THEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR EXSCUSES!" She kicks me in the jaw and steps away.

"Good bye." She vanishes and I slowly reclaim consciousness.

* * *

**(-Normal world-) (Nolena's P.O.V. Still…)**

* * *

My eyes look around my surroundings and I see Itachi sitting at a base of a tree sharpening kunai. Kisame is nowhere to be seen.

"Finally awake?"

I sit up and grimace leaning against my own tree.

"Yea…How long was I out?"

"Four days…"

"Where is Kisame?"

"Hunting…He told me to watch you…saying something about me needing to get use to you." He scowls and continues sharpening.

I can't help but feel guilty and sigh sadly.

"I'm sorry Itachi-kun…"

"For what? Fucking up our lives or enslaving us? Wait…that's the same thing, How about not being able to take care of yourself and making it so we have to baby sit you?"

"Both I guess…"

He raises an eyebrow at me; I'm guessing he didn't figure I would agree to that.

"Good…I-…are your wounds better?"

"My stomach still hurts but it healed it 'self…finally…Are you injured?"

He goes back to his normal emotionless face.

"No."

_Of course…Cold hearted as ever…_

"Good…"

"Hn…"

There is rustling and Kisame appears from the bushes.

* * *

**(Normal P.O.V.)****

* * *

**

"I've got dinner."

No one responds.

"Are you two brooding?"

No response.

"You both are so alike…I swear…" Kisame proceeds to build a fire.

Both Nolena and Itachi throw stuff at him.

"Point proven."

This comment earns him twin orders.

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

**A/N:** there you go…chapter 7…sorry it's so late…thanks for reading.

**PLEASE REVIEW IT TAKES 60 SECONDS!**


	8. A Little Heart to Heart

**The Most Screwed Up things Happen To Us**

**A/N:** I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY! I haven't updated in what a month? Two maybe? –Bows lowly- FORGIVE ME!!! –Sobs- anyway… We are at chapter 8! YAY!

-cheers- this one will be long so I make up for lost time.

**NOTE:** I feel like being annoying today….so Itachi may be out of character.

* * *

The Key: 

**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech"

_Italics are for thinking._

* * *

**Last Time:**

_He raises an eyebrow at me; I'm guessing he didn't figure I would agree to that._

"_Good…I-…are your wounds better?"_

"_My stomach still hurts but it healed it 'self…finally…Are you injured?"_

_He goes back to his normal emotionless face. "No."_

_Of course…Cold hearted as ever… "Good…"_

"_Hn…"_

_There is rustling and Kisame appears from the bushes. _

_**(Normal P.O.V.)**_

"_I've got dinner."_

_No one responds._

"_Are you two brooding?"_

_No response._

"_You both are so alike…I swear…" Kisame proceeds to build a fire._

_This comment earns him twin orders._

"_SHUT UP!"_

* * *

**This Time:**

**Chapter 8: A Little Heart to Heart**

The three people eat in silence, well, Kisame does. Itachi and Nolena more or less stare at the nearly incinerated food, that Kisame calls fish.

"Kisame-kun…-" Nolena started to talk.

"Are you trying to kill us you idiot? This fish is…charred black!" Itachi finished for Nolena.

Kisame looked a bit hurt, considering his lover had said that to him.

"Itachi!" Nolena intervenes.

"You were going to say the same thing." Itachi retorts.

"Actually I was going to ask why he is eating it."

"Liar."

"Takes one to know one."

"How mature."

"More than you."

"You? Mature? Don't make me laugh."

"Well you sound like a-" Kisame cuts of the goddess' sentence.

"Ok children, calm down."

"SCREW YOU!" Both the Uchiha and Goddess reply.

"Stop copying me you nail polish wearing freak!"

"At least I'm prettier than you!"

"We have already had this conversation! And it was decided that I am DEFIANTLY Prettier!"

"Unlikely! I-"

Kisame sighs in defeat as the two continue to squabble over completely useless things like his or her outfit is nicer, who is stronger, who is a whore. Honestly, these two bring out the childishness in each other. Who would have thought Itachi would actually argue with someone? Certainly not his Akatsuki partner of what? Five, six years?

**(-When they finally shut up, 2 hours later-)**

"I do not recall ever arguing with someone, except you."

"Why not? Is it too far above you?" the Goddess sarcastically remarks.

"Try not to be annoying now, I'm trying to have a real conversation."

The girl gasps loudly in fake shock. She didn't have to worry about waking anyone since Kisame had disappeared to find somewhere to sleep, away from the arguing pair.

"To what god should I thank for this shocking moment?"

"Shut up."

The girl smiles sheepishly.

"Sorry."

"Why must you force me to be so, childish?"

"I don't force you to do anything."

"Liar."

"Yea I know, but I don't force you to act out of character. Just because I decide to act childish doesn't mean you need to. It's your own fault so don't blame me."

"I can blame you, if I want to."

"How old are you again?"

"Nineteen."

"I have one piece of advice."

"Which is?"

"DEAL WITH IT!"

The Uchiha glares at her for yelling.

"I do not have to listen to you. I am far more powerful than you."

"That might be true but you happen to be the one with a collar around their pretty little neck."

"At least you admit it."

"Meh, my power has been downsized greatly to the point where I might as well be considered an ordinary demon."

This draws in the Sharigan wielders interest, as if he had never heard such information. Such delicate information it is. Normally, your enemy or even ally would never release such a weakness.

"Why has your power been downsized?"

The girl falls silent and her face sets in an impassive phase.

"Telling you would be stupid."

"Why is that?"

"I am not supposed to release this information to a mere human."

"I thought we had the insult part of the conversation a while ago, and now you are degrading me?"

Itachi glares at Nolena in real anger. She sighs, feeling ashamed.

"I'm sorry, but…I don't think I can trust you with my secrets. After all, you hate me and we both know you are most likely the more powerful being."

A short silence sets in; Itachi appears to be contemplating his next sentence.

"Well, I do not hate you, but I can't stand you that's for sure. I already knew I was more powerful than you, though neither Kisame or myself knew you'd randomly place lethal collars around our necks."

"I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted."

"Both."

"Right."

"So are you going to explain why you are becoming less powerful or should I guess?"

"Will you shut up?"

"I wont guarantee that part."

Nolena smiles at Itachi smally, he blinks and she laughs lightly.

"You really are a piece of work, you, psychotic murderer you."

"Thank you for that lovely endearment."

This earns him another laugh and he waits patiently for her to begin.

"I'll start from the beginning shall I?"

A nod.

"Ok, I am a Celestial being. My role or title is that I am the Crystalline; White Wolf Demonic Goddess of Demons and Judgment."

"Meaning you judge the demons correct?"

"Yes. Anyway, The Crystalline part of my title represents the pure half of my blood. My "mother" was the Guardian of the Gate to the Royal Celtic (Cell-tick) Empire. She was the most trusted woman besides the messengers and advisor. The White Wolf part is my spiritual animal that was chosen for me on my ten-thousand age mark. I am able to transform into this creature. The Demonic part is from my "father's" side. He happens to be…the one who rules hell."

Itachi stops her.

"So what you are saying is that you are a Fallen?"

Nolena nods slowly.

"Yes, I am "born" of a Pure and an Impure being. Therefore I am eligible to become part of either universe."

"When you say born what do you mean? You obviously mean something else."

The Goddess bites her lip and hesitates before answering.

"Itachi-san, I am nothing more than-"

She stops, seemingly uncomfortable with the whole situation. Itachi waits patiently

"I am what is called a Cantankerous Fallen. I am not really a living being, all I am is something made out of anger. My "mother" and my "father" had some type of relationship, but not in any sexual way. One day there was this very horrible verbal fight that went on for a long and severe period of time. My mother defending our ruler and my father defending his kingdom."

"I really do not understand what you are getting at here Nolena."

"Ok I'll make it really simple. Their spirit/chakra energy collided so harshly to the point where I am somehow born into the universe. Madam Celeste; our Leader of the Celestial World, claims me to be the first and only Cantankerous Being! I was created by accident, out of hatred and anger. My place in this universe is a fluke that may very well be ended in two weeks time."

Itachi, being Itachi is impassive and replies calmly.

"Oh."

"Whatever, anyway continuing…I was given the decision at the age of one hundred years to become either a Pure Goddess, or an Impure Cursed one. Actually I am cursed either way so why not the one with benefits!? Because I am a half and half being I was, they decided for me to be trained for the role of the Demonic Goddess."

"This is where your trainer comes into play?"

"Yes. Damien; a great god. An evil bastard he is. When I was placed under his training, I was ecstatic! I was finally on my way to becoming something great, something important. One hundred thousand years of training later, I was in a ceremony to receive my title as the Demonic Goddess of Demons and Judgment."

"How old were you then? Was this a long time ago?"

"A very long time ago Itachi, I am currently four billion years old. I was only about one hundred and ten thousand years old when I became a true Goddess."

"Ok, we have learned something about your title, your birth and that you are really old. But I do not understand what it has to do with you becoming weaker."

"All Gods, Goddesses and a few lucky Guardians are given a galaxy to rule. I got this one. I was assigned to merge the only galaxy that has human _and_ demon life in the same place, into harmony. My job is to make you humans' get along and live with the demons like the Kyuubi. My moronic apprentice."

"So apparently you failed your mission and now your Leader wants to demote you for it?"

"Exactly! Before this galaxy I guarded a different one with only demons in it. Then two billion years later I had to come to this one and take care of the demons. When human life arrived I then received my mission to merge the two life forms. Six hundred years ago this actually worked, now that we are in the modern age where people are less accepting…it is a failure. Madam Celeste has already taken away my ability to heal quickly. She has taken a lot of my powers and now I am a one hundredth as powerful as I was six hundred years ago. I have been given two weeks to fix all this. Which is impossible."

"I noticed something."

"What?"

"You are going to be very interesting as a human."

"Thanks so much Itachi-kun."

"You are very welcome Nolena-chan."

There is a moment of silence before both start laughing lightly.

"Kisame-kun was right, we are alike."

"Except I look better."

"Shut up weasel boy."

"Hn."

"Bite me."

"Um…no thank you."

Silence rests between the two for a few minutes, both in thought.

"Itachi-san…"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"Again with the apologizing… what is it for this time?"

"I wish I didn't have to be so cruel to you Itachi-san or Kisame-san wehn I met you…I wish we could be friends, I haven't been close to anyone in years."

"I'm not so sure about the friends thing that you are talking about."

"The closeness thing?"

"Sure. If it'll make you happy and not electrocute me, again."

Nolena smiles happily.

"It will."

"Good, now stop grinning like that it's insane."

Nolena rolls her eyes and shifts in her sitting position.

"We've been talking for a while, you should sleep."

"Hn."

Itachi complies.

**(-Morning-) (Shall we try Kisame's point of view? Yes.)**

"Itachi-kun…wake up."

I watch as Nolena-sama pokes my lover in his side trying to wake him. I'm still very upset that he insulted me last night because I accidentally burnt the food, I normally don't cook.

"WAKE UP OR I WILL JUMP ON YOU!"

I wish those two would get along. We are going to be stuck with her for Kami knows how long and I really don't think they should be trying to kill each other, verbally or physically.

"Go away, you exhausted me yesterday…" I hear Itachi mutter to the goddess.

"It's your own fault!"

"Go die somewhere…"

Seriously, do they always have to fight? They had a two hour argument over stupid shit last night. I'm just about to make a comment when Nolena-sama jumps on Itachi and…begins to…tickle…him. Itachi does something I've never seen him do; laugh. What the hell is going on!? Did something happen last night that I should know about!?

"S-stop it!"

"Are you awake?" She continues gently raking her finger tips along Itachi's sides mercilessly, tickling my lover in his secret spot.

"Yes! Get off!"

There is something freakish going on and now I'm scared.

"No. I wont." She tickles him more and Itachi eventually does another Non-Itachi like thing and he tackles her to the ground and pins her arms over her head.

"Hey hey hey! Be nice to the injured person here!"

Itachi lifts her shirt revealing her bandaged abdomen and rips off the bandages, her skin; flawless and no open wound from when Itachi healed her insides.

"Liar."

Either they are now lovers or something else happened.

"Is that your pet name for me?"

"Yes."

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? WHY ARE YOU TWO ACTING LIKE!…THAT! AND NOT FIGHTING?"

I am given the privilege of their attention and both look at me stopping their actions.

"What?" both ask me.

"Why are you two acting so, friendly, when just last night you were at each others throats?"

"Would you rather us fight?" Nolena asks first.

"N-no bu-"

"Then what does it matter?" Itachi asks.

"What happened last night after I left?"

Itachi looks at Nolena. He is still straddling her waist and holding her wrists above her head and one hand still resting on her stomach. This leads to more questions in my head. Is Itachi cheating on me? No…that is ludicrous.

"I would say that is something personal between Itachi and I."

"If you were there you would have found out Kisame-koi."

My eyes widen. Did they!?

"D-did you guys…uh…you know…"

I put my forefingers together in an odd gesture. I earn twin looks of disgust from both of them.

"NO!" both shout at me.

"Why would you think that!? You are both gay!"

"Really Kisame, what gave you that idea?"

Itachi is now sitting on her hips, having let his hands fall to his side, I don't think either really notice what they are doing. I look at them intently.

"You two are all of a sudden acting like you are best friends or lovers or something!"

Itachi sighs, as does Nolena. Now I am sure they are twins in a demented world.

"Kisame-kun…Itachi and I are close now but not friends. We had a little heart to heart among other things after fighting for like two hours last night. So we understand each other more if you want to look at it that way. I already knew everything about him but I explained some stuff and now we are good ok?"

"It's something neither of us are going to share with you though."

I believe them. At least they are getting along.

"As long as you two don't fight anymore, you two give me a headache and it is scary to see Itachi-koi act like a twelve year old."

I cringe when both start laughing lightly.

"Of course we are going to fight Koi. We may be similar but we will always want to argue about something."

"Exactly."

I look at the sky and curse the gods silently.

"I hate you both."

There is silence while I'm not looking and when I look down again I see Itachi and Nolena smirking at each other and then they turn to me. This is going to be hell. Isn't it?

**-§TBC§-**

**A/N:** 11 pages. Happy? Good…I know I made Itachi a little OOC but he is awesome this way. I enjoyed this chapter…it just poured out of me. I hope I have removed Nolena-sama's Mary-sueness! Please tell me if I have or haven't, but you have to tell me why if I haven't. Do you like my explanations? Lol Thanks for reading.

**REVIEW! IT ONLY TAKES 60 SECONDS!**


	9. One word

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen To Us**

**A/N:** You know, I think I rather enjoy this story now that I've got it going. Hey guess what! I've got a surprise for everyone! I'm going to force our favorite little goddess into being a "submissive" slave for Itachi-kun when she becomes "human"! Wanna know why? I'm a sadist! Wanna know another reason? One of my buddies PMed me saying that it would be perfect, because she is dominant. Make sense? Of course not!

* * *

**Note:** More OOCness! YAY! (should this be a warning?)

**Note 2:** In the last chapter, when Itachi was laughing while he was being tickled, it wasn't really uh…like insane more like hah! Ha ha ha…not loud just gentle. I'm not that insane to make him OOCed out like uh…Naruto.

* * *

**Warning:** I like to skinny dip…. XD j/k…wtf…. wait…I was serious…ANYWAY!

**Warning 2:** Um…I'm sorry for anything that I do in this chapter especially with what happens between Nolena and Itachi, it means nothing, I swear to god, I would not do this normally but lately I've wanted to fuck with their relationship aka Ita and Kisa, Kisa and Nole, and Ita and Nole. The last one especially.

* * *

**Note 3: (This goes with the warning) **Um…I think I'm making my fic into something weirder than you thought it would be but…I think we need a little drama every now and then. Kisame and Itachi arnt a perfect couple, they are Akatsuki members you idiots. I know Itachi X Nolena is weird to think about but it's nothing really serious and it's not really REAL, it's only kissing.Besides, they make a cute and deadly and insane couple! I love 'em together, besides, someone requested it. Angel-chan! Thanks for the idea. Uh…try hitting the review button instead of the PM, I like reviews. –Sweat drop-

* * *

The Key:

**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech"

_Italics are for thinking._

* * *

**Last Time:**

"_As long as you two don't fight anymore, you two give me a headache and it is scary to see Itachi-koi act like a twelve year old."_

_I cringe when both start laughing lightly._

"_Of course we are going to fight Koi. We may be similar but we will always want to argue about something."_

"_Exactly."_

_I look at the sky and curse the gods silently._

"_I hate you both."_

There is silence while I'm not looking and when I look down again I see Itachi and Nolena smirking at each other and then they turn to me. This is going to be hell. Isn't it?

* * *

**This Time:**

**Chapter 9: One word can lead to the relationship you didn't want **

**(Normal P.O.V.)** (**A/N:** The time is like…5 at night the same day.)

"Does anyone know where we are going?" Kisame asks.

"Nope." Nolena replies.

"No." Itachi answers.

"Ok, does anyone care?"

"Nope."

"No."

"Anyone hungry?"

"Yes."

"Hn."

"Ok then! Lets go eat!"

Both Itachi and Nolena stare at Kisame, they are in the forest, it is dark and no one is around. The only way to get food is to hunt or maybe fish.

"Kisame-koi, do you plan on making a restaurant appear out of no where?" Itachi asks with patience and sarcasm.

"Um, no?"

"Itachi! Wouldn't that be awesome?"

"What would be awesome?"

"If Kisame could make things appear like magic! I mean, he could be a magician!"

Kisame gives the girl a questioning look and Itachi rolls his eyes. Only she could make him experience such insane feelings, like laughter or annoyance. Kisame makes him feel loved and he should probably apologize but that isn't his style now is it?

"Nolena."

"Yes Itachi?"

"Shut up."

"Sorry Itachi…"

"Nolena-sama why are you acting different today? I mean, you're more hyper than usual, which is kind of strange."

"Well, I have made a new friend! So I'm happy because I have never had human friend or….any friends for that matter." Nolena blinks at her own statement then goes back to smiling. Itachi mulls over what she said.

"I thought I said-"

The girl glares darkly at him.

"Don't ruin it for me Uchiha or I will lop off your head and laugh insanely about it, then start crying when I realize I just killed my reason of excitement!"

Kisame stares at her as she breaths heavily in anger, feeling slightly afraid of the girls crazed idea. Itachi had step away from her and now stands behind his love, just in case she decides to lash out for no reason.

"What are we getting ourselves into Itachi-koi?"

"I was hoping you knew for once."

"Right."

The girl stops acting weird and goes back to her original state.

"So! Lets go find somewhere to eat and sleep tonight! I miss sleeping in a real bed."

The goddess begins jumping up into a tree climbing to its highest branch.

Kisame gathers his boyfriend into his arms and squeezes gently, feeling the need to do this for he had not done so in a long time. He kisses the top of his head.

"I think your _girl-friend_ has something like ADD ADHD OCD MPD and ABC (0) Shark-man says to his little weasel, laughing lightly.

"She is not my girlfriend." The little weasel glares at his Shark-man.

Shark-man smirks looks away. "Whatever you say."

The girl jumps down beside the two unhappy ninjas and smiles.

"There is a small Inn and tea house a few miles north along the road."

Kisame nods as does Itachi and he lets go of the smaller man.

"You are sleeping alone tonight."

"W-why?"

"Hn."

Itachi walks along side his "girl-_friend_."

* * *

**(-THE INN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -)**

* * *

"What do you mean you don't have any rooms left!?" The unhappy demon goddess slams her fists down on the counter.

The elderly man at the counter sweats as he stares at the enraged woman before him.

"I'm sorry, that family walking down the hall took the two last rooms."

Nolena looks down the hall and notes what rooms they went in and forming a plan in her head while matching the rooms to the layout of the Inn. Smiling sweetly, she turns to the old man.

"I'm very sorry for yelling, we'll be going now."

Nolena turns and walks to her traveling companions, leaving the Innkeeper confused and she is still smiling.

"They don't have anymore rooms."

"Nolena-sama it's not like you to give up like that."

All of a sudden she darkens and swear to whatever god was watching, a dark rain cloud formed over her. She whispers lowly and darkly.

"I know Kisame. Let's go."

* * *

**(-Outside-)**

* * *

Nolena is now kneeling down on the ground and doing something with a couple smoke bombs and 5 snakes that she somehow acquired out of nowhere.

"What is your girlfriend doing now Itachi?"

" I don't know and if you say that one more time I am going to not let you touch me for the next two weeks."

Kisame must be stupid or bold. More than likely the first.

"Which part?"

"You know what part."

"The part about you knowing what she is doing or her being your girlfriend." Kisame smirks cheekily.

"Say it again, I'll do something you wont like." Itachi continues watching Nolena

Kisame scoffs.

"What are you going to do? Kiss her?"

"Maybe, she wouldn't mind, after all she is a psycho path, you yourself have said that I am good with the ladies anyway. Say it again; it is only my _girlfriend_."

"You wouldn't"

"Want to find out?"

Kisame must have been more stupid than bold today.

"She _is_ _your_ girlfriend isn't she?" He says with a bit of annoyance and sarcasm seemingly making a statement.

Itachi smirks lightly and a hint of amusement dances in his eyes.

"Nolena-san."

Itachi walks over to her.

Kisame watches helplessly, in disbelief as to what was about to occur.

**(-Itachi's P.O.V-) (A/N: I suggest that if you haven't already, to go read the 2****nd**** warning at the beginning of this chapter. Thank you and sorry for the interruption.)**

"She _is_ _your_ girlfriend isn't she?" Kisame says to me with a bit of annoyance and sarcasm in his voice, almost as if he really was thinking it to be true. I know he is teasing me but I don't like it, I'll take it though, and I'll teach him to not disobey me. I always win.

I smirk and amusement enters my body. I begin walking over to my "_girlfriend_".

"Nolena-san," I say as I stand before her.

Oh how much I want him to suffer from this. A thought then enters my mind; the only person that I have ever kissed for lover's purposes was Kisame. I had kissed my mother and little brother up until I was nine or ten but it was family, that's all. So this would be my first kiss with a girl.

How weird, kissing someone insane as this demon goddess. Well it has to happen sometime, being twenty-one (1), gay and had never kissed a woman is a sad thing, especially for an Uchiha. Many homosexuals, actually most homosexuals have kissed a woman, even Kisame has, I do not have to but I should force my lover to experience something he doesn't enjoy.

"What is it Itachi-kun," the shorter girl (2) stands up and looks at me confused, for I had called her name a minute ago, stood before her and did nothing. I can hear Kisame's smirk and he snickers behind me; he must think I'm too nervous to go through with it. I am not a coward.

I pull her close to me by her waist so that she is flush against me. She blushes lightly, more than likely more confused than before.

"I-Itachi-kun?"

I lean in close to her, my lips just before her staring into her crimson eyes, and I whisper very quietly;

"…play along."

I see her nod smally almost unnoticeable, the confusion leaves her eyes and laughter enters. I lean in and kiss her and she complies moving into the kiss for the show. Of course I feel nothing from this, but the sound of my lover's shock reaches my ears when he gasps, it makes me feel good. Smirking into the kiss, I place my hand at the nape of her neck and force my tongue into her mouth she chuckles lightly and she plays with my tongue and I comply. She then answers back by burying her fingers in my hair. When Kisame storms away I break the kiss and she laughs hugging me.

"You are a horrible person, but an amazing kisser Itachi-kun."

"Thank you." I say for both the compliment and her cooperation.

I hug her _barely_ until she lets me go.

"Why'd you do that?"

"He wouldn't stop calling you my girlfriend."

She rolls her eyes and sits on the ground playing with the 5 snakes she gathered, from what I can tell this event didn't bother her in the least.

"I told you I don't force you to be childish."

"Hn."

She giggles and throws me a smoke bomb and sends two of the snakes my way; they seem to like her.

"Come on, I'm getting us those rooms. Just throw the smoke bomb into that room and when it explodes, let the snakes slide in and do their job."

I nod and we empty the two rooms within two minutes. Civilians are so easy to fool.

**(-Inside the Inn-) (-Normal P.O.V.-) **

"We are leaving! I can't believe you don't take care of your Inn better!" the husband screamed.

The family that had recently vacated the rooms were angry and frightened. They run out after taking their money back.

Nolena and Itachi slide over to the counter gracefully and innocently. Itachi wearing his normal stoic face, Nolena wearing her angelic smile.

"I see you have two empty rooms, care to lets us occupy both?"

The old man stares dumbly; taking the money Nolena laid in front of him and slides the two keys across to her from the place they were thrown.

The Goddess takes one of them and tells the man to give the other key to their friend when he came in and walks away with Itachi. Both smirking all the way to the Teahouse next to the Inn, so they can wait for the rooms to air out.

**(-Teahouse-) (This day keeps getting more and more random. Ne?)**

Both young adults are sipping their sake for they feel a little "stressed"; they await their food orders.

"Will you share a room with Kisame tonight? I would rather not be near him for a while, I am not happy with him."

The food is served at this moment, Nolena; a plate of simple red salmon sashimi sushi; an onigiri and dango for Itachi.

"Um, personally I sleep better when I am not with someone as messy and noisy as him in the room. Why?"

"If you haven't noticed, we have been on the sharp edge of the blade the past two days."

Itachi takes a delicate bite of his onigiri. Nolena nibbles on her sushi. They sit in silence for a while.

"I'll share with you Itachi, but you cant kiss me to get out of something else."

Itachi rolls his eyes.

"Wasn't planning on it."

"Hn." The girl downs a bottle of sake in a second.

"What?" The weasel asks calmly as he finishes off his onigiri.

"I've realized something." Nolena orders another bottle of sake as she snatches Itachi's, who snatches it back to down it himself.

"What?" He repeats.

"Kisame-kun is acting the way he is because he is frustrated." She swirls the liquid inside her new bottle around that was just served as she stares at her plate.

"I noticed his anger, thanks." He brings a piece of dango to his lips.

"I don't mean anger Itachi-koi." She looks up at Itachi, smiling, and he pauses in mid bite.

"You mean what then?" seemingly, Itachi knows what she is talking about, he chooses not to believe it.

"He wants to screw you senseless." She giggles, and Itachi drops his dango onto the plate, this causes her to smirk sadistically.

"You're a virgin, aren't you." You can almost see the blush lingering on his cheeks, it's almost unnoticeable, but Nolena noticed. He says nothing to her.

"And before today; before me, you had never kissed a girl. So you had to use your boyfriend's jealousy and pent up sexual frustrations to kiss me, to get one thing to do out of your way." The blush was slightly more evident but still, only Nolena could see it.

"This is shocking news Itachi-kun, you, sexy, gorgeous you with all your talent, had never kissed a girl before?" Was it just him or was she getting closer?

"Shut up."

"I'll shut _you_ up alright." Nolena smiles and leans across the table and kisses the eldest Uchiha on the lips. At first Itachi is shocked but when he sees Kisame enter out of the corner of his eye he closes his eyes forgetting that _she_ kissed _him_ and kisses back opening his mouth to let in an all too willing tongue in. Both adults now taking this plan further than need-be and down a path that will most likely spiral out of control so says the authoress.

* * *

**(-Kisame's P.O.V.)**

* * *

Jeeze, the most screwed up things happen to me.

I'm just walking into the teahouse feeling cooled down and then I see these two sucking face! Itachi you little lying and cheating bastard, the first kiss was only suppose to tick me off, but you made it into something more than that. Now you are tonguing the one who enslaved us, when no one is watching?

This means war.

I swear I'll make it worse for you than you did for me.

You don't know jealousy.

I glare darkly at the two and leave the teahouse abruptly, suddenly I run into a young lady and apologize. She smiles up at me.

"Don't worry about it handsome."

I smile and step closer, I will do to you what you are doing to me Itachi. Let's see who can take this jealousy the furthest. Let's see who will break down and apologize first. Let's see how long until you break and want my forgiveness. I wonder how long you can live with yourself. I'll show you a heartache.

I drape my arm around her shoulders smiling friendly and lead her away.

"Tell me your name?"

"It's Kira"

I smile more, step one in progress.

* * *

**(-Itachi's P.O.V.-)**

* * *

Kisame left a moment ago so why is she still kissing me? Oh yea, she said that I'm a good kisser and maybe the sake has gone to her head, she did have six bottles. I had…five, I don't hold liquor too well since I drink…not often.

I have a feeling that she isn't going to stop any time soon, so I just continue kissing her, I let my mind think about Kisame.

Now that I think about it, Kisame doesn't kiss as well as Nolena. Too many times had I cut my tongue open on his shark teeth while kissing him; but it is still nice. I do love him so it means something when I kiss him.

When I kiss this girl before me, it means nothing even though it is pleasant, especially when I thought I'd retch from it. I believe women are just good kissers.

At least this stupid jealousy war like thing wont be boring.

* * *

**(-2 am-) (Normal P.O.V.)**

* * *

"What the fuck is that noise?" Itachi groans tiredly and sits up, flinging his covers to the end of the bed. He looks to his right, there is a wall there and there are interesting noises coming from it.

"Itachi…" The girl in the bed next to him whines. "Why are you talking…go back to sleep…you're annoying me…" She is delusional.

"Kisame's room is right next to ours right?" he asks ignoring her command.

Since her face in now buried in her pillow her words are muffled.

"Which side?"

"My side."

"What are you hearing?"

Itachi sighs and gets out of bed going to the wall and pressing his ear to the wall listening while be fights a yawn. He is standing their in only a pair of silk black sleep pants. (3)

"It uh...-half yawn- sounds like…" His eyes shoot open as he realizes what the sound is and he backs away and sits on his bed. "Never mind." Weasel boy grabs his covers and goes back into his sleeping position but turns on his side, his back to the wall.

All of a sudden Nolena is crawling over him to get to the wall.

"Why don't you just walk around my bed!?"

"Because that would make sense and our beds are a foot apart." She smiles at him tiredly, her hair is in a braid and she is in a tank top and shorts. Said girl eventually gets off the bed and crawls over to the wall and presses against it.

"Ok then…he's a pervert…"

"You notice this now?"

"Shut up."

"Hn."

"I wuv you too my dear wubby."

"Go back to sleep." Itachi yawns lightly again.

Nolena crawls onto his bed and collapses while she is laying across his midsection.

"Get off me please…"

"Can't."

"Why?"

"Too…-yawn- tired…"

"Fine."

* * *

**(-10 minutes later-)**

* * *

Now laying beside Itachi, Nolena is staring at the ceiling annoyed, as is Itachi.

"I can't sleep when your boyfriend is banging the shit out of some whore."

"It's my boyfriend. I have to live with it."

"I'm your _girlfriend_. I have to live with you."

"Shut up that's for show."

"Uh, you shut up, you're the one who thinks women are the better kissers."

"I never said that."

"But you thought it."

"Since when do you read minds?"

"It's real easy when I'm drunk."

"Really?"

"Yea."

"What is Kisame thinking now?"

"I don't know; I'm not drunk."

"You're useless."

"Fuck you Itachi."

"I'm saving my virginity for Kisame-koi thank you."

"Why do I not see that in the near future?"

"Fuck you."

"I'd use your line but I'm not a virgin." The Goddess pales slightly at her own comment, especially when a few memories hit her.

"Who'd sleep with you?"

"None of your business."

"It is since we are going to be a _couple_. A very, very strange, straight couple."

"Jeeze don't choke on it, I wouldn't want my straightness on you."

"Just tell me, we're supposed to be friends and a couple."

"Keep bringing that up and I'm pushing you onto the floor."

"At least I'm trying to be nice."

"Yea right."

"Just tell me!" Itachi sits up and looks down at her annoyed. Nolena sits up as well and screams at him.

"I WAS RAPED OK!?" A look of desperation and fear passes Nolena's face and silent tears start to fall. She buries her face in her hands and begins sobbing.

Itachi sat there and stared at the weeping girl before him. For once the prodigy had no idea what to do.

"I-…who did it?"

"M-my trainer…" She nearly chokes on her words as she cries.

Itachi couldn't say anything but he figured out something that should work. So he drew her into a hug, like the ones his mother used to give when he was little.

"Sh…"

The Sharigan wielder rocks her gently, to confused and tired to think of anything else. Eventually her sobs even out to silent tears and sniffling. The goddess' eyes become dark and she seems to age for a moment from her sadness.

"It was a long time ago, but…he did it to me so often, because he could control me…with this." She brings her hand up and gently grasps the collar around his neck, her eyes linger and she drops her hand.

"When I was a lot younger, only one billion years of age, I didn't really know what to do…it went on for hundreds of years. They it stop, I was just turning three and a half billion, when it started again and he said I had to bear his child. Well, he forced himself on to me again. Few months later, he was very upset to discover that I can't give birth with out bonds. I nearly died from his punishments, eventually Madam Celeste sent him away to work, with some random job. Then I was sent here, lucky me."

Itachi continues listening to her, not sure whether or not to be shocked or concerned or both. This whole emotion thing was very new to him. His god was smiling at him today for the girl fell asleep on him exhausted.

"She is going to be unbearable in the morning…"

* * *

**(-2 days later midday-)**

* * *

"Come on Itachi-kun…please?" Nolena is grasping said persons cloak sleeve and tugging gently.

Itachi sighs.

"I said no."

"You always say no."

"Then why do you ask?"

"Just let me have it! Just for an hour, pleeeeeeeease?"

"Will you two shut up, it sounds like she's begging you for sex," Kisame voices from his spot in front of the two others.

"…" There is a rustling of clothing and a happy giggle.

"Thank you Itachi-kun!"

"Your welcome…" He was still trying to get used to the kindness.

When Kisame turns his head to look at the two he sees the shorter girl wearing Itachi's Akatsuki cloak. It was a little big on her.

"You're getting soft Itachi."

"Go bang another one of your whores."

Everyone stops walking, Kisame turns his body half way to glare at his "boyfriend" and Itachi glares back full force.

_'These two need to make up sometime soon, It is getting ridiculous. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed him in the teahouse the other day. But I couldn't help it! He is just perfect, look at him! Oh dear god Nolena, don't even think about having those feelings for this guy it would just be sick. I need to stop this.'_

"Hey guys," they don't answer her just continue glaring.

"Ok you two, you need to stop fighting, like…now. You two were so happy just a few days ago."

"Whatever," Kisame looks away and continues walking ahead. Itachi continues glare at his loves back in anger.

"Itachi-kun?" He stops glaring and keeps walking forward.

"Itachi, maybe you should go talk to him, I don't think we should have taken this jealousy thing as far as we have. You both are just going to get hurt."

Itachi stops walking and he looks at her with just his eyes, not moving his head.

"What do you know?"

"I know that you love him."

"I will not give in before he does, I never lose."

"Don't be so childish!"

"You should be happy just to be involved with me, you did just jump at the chance to make out with me whenever Kisame was watching these past two days. You're just as badly involved in this so don't blame it just on me or Kisame."

There is a slight stinging on his right cheek as his head is jerked to the left. She had slapped him. He hardly noticed the pain and didn't see it coming. Even though it hadn't really affected him he didn't move his head from the position it was forced into.

"Watch what you say Itachi! I know I did! That doesn't mean I don't care about your relationship with Kisame. Look at me!"

Itachi slowly moves to look at her, completely annoyed but willing to listen to her.

"I know that you love him, he loves you just as much. He is jealous because he is blinded with his love for you and it makes him stupid. That's why he kept assuming you and I had a relationship."

"You said that he just wanted to quote unquote screw me senseless."

"Have you thought about the fact that you two had been together for five or six years and just started dating two…three weeks ago? Of course he would want to! That is just a small part of it, everyone gets sexually frustrated."

Itachi falls silent; he appears to wish he had his cloak to hide behind for he felt the strangest amount of embarrassment.

"I…do love him, but now I don't know if I can love and trust him, when he decided to start sleeping around with countless women."

"It hurts, I know it must. Only, you will have to let it go, he will have to let his jealousy go. Look, you are in a relationship, problems occur, and they can't always be helped and everyone makes mistakes. It happens, it is life."

"You've never been in one."

"Stop fighting me Itachi! You know I'm right. I know I haven't been in a real relationship but that's because I don't want one! I have no need, I would rather die. If I had a relationship with someone, I'd have to watch them live for a normal period of time and then I'd watch them die, while I live on for the next forever. But you, you have the chance to live and die with your partner, it is truly something that I know you want."

"Why do you know that I want such a thing?"

"Because you still feel for your little brother, and you care for people, whether or not it shows on your face, you still have a heart. I've seen you use it, so don't you dare say you don't have one."

"If I have a heart, then why did I murder my family?"

"You said quote unquote that you were testing yourself. I know you had to care for them at some point. It was your family! I know that deeply buried in your heart is the care for them. No one is heartless, there is always something someone cares about or cared about. If you are heartless, then you wouldn't be standing here, listening to me talk about your relationship. I wouldn't be talking about it if I didn't care about you."

Once again Itachi can't answer and he looks to the ground for he knows she is right and he can't come to terms with it. He does love Kisame, he does have a heart and he does have people that still care for him.

Itachi killed his clan, he joined an organization where they kill people and collect demon spirits to gain power. He was captured by some insane girl that follows them everywhere and he found a lover who cares for him. Both of these people care for him.

This Uchiha loves his man, Kisame Hoshigaki. He cares for the girl that had captured them and befriended them.

"Itachi, we will get through this and I will help you." The goddess draws him into a tight hug and he does nothing.

Silence passes for a few moments, they just stand there.

"May I interrupt?"

Both adults look to the person who is standing in the tree above them. A cloaked figure carrying a large katana at his side smiles at them sadistically.

"Damien…"

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

* * *

(0) It was a joke the ABC part, if you don't know what the others mean you are kind of, retarded…

(1) Is it 19 or 21? Well I'm changing it, he is 21. I can't remember what I write. I am sooo useless, like Sakura... er, not THAT useless.

(2) Who said she doesn't change her appearance? She is only 5'6" at that point, She likes to change what she looks like when she is injured, she just didn't change back.

(3) Yes fangirls! Drool over Itachi's godly body! And you fanboys can too…if you feel the need…

* * *

**A/N: **You like? I sure did, it was a good chapter. If you didn't like some of the stuff it is your own fault that you didn't read the warnings or notes in the beginning. I don't put them there for no reason. Uh just for kicks, who would actually like to keep Itachi and Nolena together? I don't mind writing it because it is an adorable pairing. Who would like me to keep Kisame X Itachi? How about both? Vote for it, whichever one has 5 votes wins.

**Choices:**

-Itachi X Nolena

-Kisame X Itachi

-Both

Oh yea...

**PLEASE REVIEW! IT ONLY TAKES 60 SECONDS TO VOICE YOUR OPINION!**


	10. Feelings: Hurt you, Hurt others

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen to Us**

**A/N:** I'm on a roll aren't I? I've updated this story so much and the chapters are really long. Lets shoot for 20 pages on this chapter because it's the tenth chapter! Right? I know I can do it!

**Note:** I tallied the votes for pairings and it evened out…. Since they each voted for each pairing Itachi X Nolena and Kisame X Itachi. I'll just let it play out and if it ends up Itachi X Nolena so what? Same goes for Kisame X Itachi. If it ends up being a love triangle I don't really care I'm just writing whatever comes to mind at the time.**

* * *

****Warning:** Um…I'll think of something…I know I will…

**Note 2:** I know I said I wouldn't make it Itachi X Nolena but have that itch, you know? If you are a fellow _serious_ writer who gets those odd feelings then you understand.

**Warning 2:** Yea, OOCness, like always. If I'm writing it is going to happen. Oh yea, more I x N action. Deal with it. I just have that itch to write it, but it is partially important.

**Note 3:** I think that this story belongs in the following categories: Humor, Angst, Romance, Action/Adventure, Parody, Poetry (lots of Rhyming and I write it like a poem anyway.), Horror (don't ask) Drama and Friendship. This is insane.

* * *

The Key:

**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech"

_Italics are for thinking._

* * *

_**Last Time: **_

"_Itachi, we will get through this and I will help you." The goddess draws him into a tight hug and he does nothing. _

_Silence passes for a few moments, they just stand there._

"_May I interrupt?"_

_Both adults look to the person who is standing in the tree above them. A cloaked figure carrying his large katana at his side smiles at them sadistically._

"_Damien…"_

* * *

**This Time: **

**Chapter TEN: Feelings: Hurt you, Hurt others. **

**(-Nolena's P.O.V.-)**

"Hello again love, I see you have one of your…friends with you. How lucky for me."

"Leave us Damien-sensei." I have not let go of Itachi yet, I feel his body stiffen. What does he plan to do?

"Nolena-san, stand down."

I look up at Itachi a bit confused.

"Why?"

"He is my opponent, please stand down." He looks at me intently and I watch his Sharingan appear in his eyes, wow… I never knew they were so beautiful, I've never even seen them in the first place, but still... Red was always my favorite color.

"Um…ok…" I let go of him and back away.

"Doesn't matter if he fights me first or in your place love, I will have you eventually."

He smirks at me, his pale blue hair frames his face and his silver eyes are sharp, I detest this man with every bone in my body. His long black cloak covers his body, I know he is wearing some royal clothing under it; he has always acted like he was superior to everyone.

"You will never have me, you selfish bastard. Go and die off like the rest of Gods'."

He smiles at me and a shiver runs down my spine. I watch as he sits on the branch he stood on.

"You were always Madam's favorite, even though you messed up so often. Why do you think she chose you, a Fallen to become a Goddess?"

I am utterly confused. Why is he bringing this up, I was never favored by Madam.

"You don't know? Well, since you were "born" cursed and immortal it makes you original; she made a plan for you. First she wanted you to go through all of that vigorous training with me to become powerful. Then you were to take care of that galaxy for a few million years. And then you came here, it was easy enough at first and when this disgusting species known as humans came about it became difficult with the task she gave you. So when you screwed up, she took away some off your powers. Now she gave you two weeks, which is down to one, I might add, to fix this. If you are to succeed do you know what will happen?"

Damien stares down at me smirking unhappily.

"She plans to make you her successor. I cannot let that happen though, I will become her successor. If you did not succeed which we all know is going to happen, she was going to pass the job to your mother, but ever since I killed her she has no choice but to give the job to whomever gains _your_ immortality. Sound fun?"

I do not answer; I just stare at him in anger.

"Your silence is good enough, I'll take what is mine!" He vanishes from his position and in front of me except for one thing. Itachi had caught the blade of his katana with two fingers; his index and middle fingers and he stares into the eyes of my sensei.

In a split second Damien falls to the ground dead; blood pouring from a clean cut that had appeared on his throat. Another shiver runs down my spine for my sensei's eyes are still open. I clutch Itachi's cloak around myself to feel secure.

"What did you…"

He turns to me; his Sharigan eyes are like pinwheels.

"You, you used the Mangyeko?"

Itachi nods to me as the red fades into onyx. His body seems to be frailer; it's all in his eyes…

"I forced him to suffer over two trillion hours of pain and torment before I kill-ed h-him…" Itachi sways before falling, I quickly catch him feeling worried. He is out cold.

_Why did he…oh, he used his Mangyeko for so long, it could kill him…Thank you Itachi._

I hold him close, then take off his cloak and place it on him where it belongs. I've hardly done anything for him and he goes and saves me. See Itachi-kun, I knew you had a heart.

Transforming back into my original form, I maneuver Itachi onto my back and carry him like that. Then I head off after Kisame who is more than likely in a lot of pain right now. I don't even feel sorry for him, it's his fault that I'm going through all this shit.

* * *

**(-Normal P.O.V.-)**

* * *

Kisame is leaning against a tree cringing in pain when Nolena shows up.

"What is your problem?"

Kisame glares up at the girl.

"I forgot about your stupid collars and got my self electrocuted!"

"It's your own fault." Nolena carefully lets Itachi off her back and rests him against a tree making him comfortable.

"What happened to him?" A flash of worry passes Kisame's face for but a moment and then it vanishes.

"Nothing."

"Tell me!"

"Why do you care anyway? You're the one who has been pissed at him for nothing recently."

"I **don't** care, do what you want with that cheating bastard." The blue-man snarls at the goddess.

"Don't say that Kisame, you know you don't mean it, you love Itachi."

"Well apparently he loves you."

"You're an idiot."

"Why? Because I know the truth?"

"No, because you think you know the truth."

_I should be wondering about why Madam chose me to be her successor instead of arguing with fish-face over relationship issues. Well, there is only one way to fix his idiocy considering neither will apologize. Itachi would never but Kisame is more flexible. So I'm going to have to make him so jealous that he will eventually snap. It worked with those two in Germany. This is going to suck but on the bright side I can molest Itachi with out it meaning anything…when did I become so perverted?_

"Are you listening to me!?"

"Obviously not you moron. Come on we are going back to Konoha." Nolena stands up and collects Itachi again. Kisame angrily follows her.

* * *

**(-Konoha Forest, middle of the night-)** (They will not be disguised for this.)

* * *

Nolena is heading toward the village, with Itachi on her back still. Kisame lags behind.

"I'm going to a hotel to get Itachi into bed, you go do whatever."

"Like what? It's the middle of the night."

She turns to him smiling cruelly _and_ sarcastically.

"I'm sure there are a few whores you could pick up off their corners for a good fling."

She runs off, leaving the Akatsuki member stunned.

* * *

**(-Random hotel-) (-Itachi's P.O.V.-)**

* * *

My body feels heavy and my eyelids like lead, but I manage to open them half way; it's hazy. I am in a dark room, laying on a curiously soft bed. The blankets are draped over me and there is a cool washcloth on my forehead. A hand reaches over my face and naturally; I snatch the person's limb and sit up quickly the washcloth falling to my lap. There Nolena was, sitting beside me on my bed.

"I-Itachi! Are you ok? You should lay back down."

Ah, so _she_ brought me here, at least it's safe. I release her arm gently and she lays it on her lap.

What in the seven hells was I thinking when I decided to use my bloodline for that large amount of time? I swear; I'm becoming stupid, like Kisame.

"Where are we?"

"Konoha."

"Why this retched place?" I groan quietly as I lay back, my body is in such pain. My arms are draped across my abdomen my head propped up by a soft pillow.

"Sorry, but I just chose here because it's safe, when I got you here your temperature sky rocketed and you broke out into a cold sweat. Then your body started to have tremors. You really freaked me out you know?"

I stare at Nolena's face; she really does look worried. That's something new. Ow, my head hurts. She replaces the old washcloth with a new damp and cool one. It feels good on my burning skin.

"I have never felt so much pain," I whisper to her.

"Well rest, I'll take care of you ok?"

"Hn."

She bites her lip. I wonder why.

"Lift your head."

I comply lifting my head a bit and she leans down over me and takes something off of my neck, I'm too out of it to notice what it is though. When she stands up she is holding the collar I'd been wearing for the past three weeks.

"Nolena-san?"

"Go to sleep Itachi."

I stare after her as she stands up off my bed and goes to the connected bathroom flicking on the light, which illuminates the dark room. When she closes the door it is dark again.

I go to sleep.

* * *

**(-24 hours later-) (-Itachi's P.O.V.-)**

* * *

"Itachi-kun? Are you awake?"

When I open my eyes I don't feel tired, or pain. My body feels refreshed. When I see Nolena, again, my first opinion is that she hasn't slept all night. I sit up and place my feet on the floor and glance out the window, the sun peaks through it. Even though I can see it I have no idea what time it is.

"You've slept through a whole day, it might have been longer if I didn't give you some of my medicine. Are you hungry? You haven't eaten in a while."

I rest my elbows on my knees and stare at the wall. Why is she all of a sudden so different? She acts as if she is my wife, which doesn't even seem too weird for me to say…

"Did you stay awake the whole time?"

"Yes."

I nod and lace my fingers together resting my chin on them.

"Why did you take off my collar?"

"Does it matter?"

"It does, actually."

"It's just that…"

I look at her and she leans against the bedside table next to the bed.

"I just believe you wont leave me, by myself. Even with out me forcing you."

Now I can't look at her I'm just a tad surprised, so I look at the wall in front of me.

"Why. Why would you think that?"

"Because you are my friend and I know you care about me and I care about you."

"Do you really?"

"Yea, you've grown on me the past few weeks that we've known each other. Believe it or not you are a very likable person."

I let it be silent for a moment to let her statements sink into my brain, burning into my memory.

"Why did you kiss me that night at the Teahouse?"

"I don't know; maybe because you're a good kisser. Why?"

"I don't know either, I don't mind it but it really isn't the same as kissing Kisame even though you don't cut my tongue with your teeth. It makes your kisses enjoyable but meaningless." _That isn't completely true though…_ my mind whispers to me

"Thanks, I think."

"It was a complement."

"Ok."

There is another period of silence but it is comfortable and then suddenly Nolena is kissing me with actual sensitivity. I respond and she lays me on my back, leaning over me. When our tongues meet, they battle for dominance unhurriedly, as if it didn't really matter.

Carefully, I flip our bodies over so she is under me while we are kissing; it happens to be very enjoyable. Her hands in my hair, our bodies gently grinding against each other, our eyes locked, and in a trance of meaningless pleasure, a perfect set up.

This is called being friends with benefits, I believe. Very interesting, I could grow to like this, no worries of either of us hating each other later, it could be a way to release stress for all I care.

When I pull away we just stare at each other in silent agreement as to what this is. I press my forehead to hers gently and stare into her eyes. She smiles and then I roll off of her and lay beside her on my back. Nolena takes my hand in both of hers and holds it to her heart. I can tell she is worried for me.

I care for her as well, but not in that way.

I hope she understands.

* * *

**(-Kisame's P.O.V-) (-Training Grounds-)** (Kisame is in his disguise from the first few chapters. Go back and read it if you have to, I think it's Ch 2 or 3. I never remember what I write for my own stories.)

* * *

"God damn it!"

I punch the already beaten tree in front of me and it falls, I glare at it before moving to the next one and repeat the process.

Why am I so jealous? I can't help it if Itachi has feelings for someone else, let alone a girl, it may be normal, but...

Another tree suffers the same fate as it's neighbor.

The more I think about Itachi, the angrier I get.

"First it started with him insulting me." **Punch**.

"Then when I leave those two make some _miraculous_ agreement to be _nice_ to each other." **Kick**.

"I make one little comment and then th-that bastard just has to get his way and fuck with my feelings!" **Punch. Kick, kick. **_**Smash.**_

"That leads to them sucking face whether I'm around or not!" **Creeeak.**

"WHY DO I STILL LOVE HIM!?" _**Crash.**_

I fall to my knees with my head bowed. It's been a long time since I've cried, years maybe a decade. When the tears start falling, I start sobbing quietly.

It isn't fair, I've known him for so long, and I've loved him that whole time. Why did I get him for myself if someone else was just going to take him away?

I'm punching the ground weakly but angrily, my emotions are so scattered it isn't right, Itachi is mine! Only mine!

I-I can't let this get to me, I won't.

I'll do what I have to, even if it means hurting him. I don't deserve this treatment. He doesn't even deserve **ME**! Rage fills all of my senses and I'm about to attack another defenseless tree.

There is a rustle in the bushes and I snap to my senses. Then I hear voices.

_Time to go_

I vanish with lightning speed.

* * *

**(-The Hotel-) (-Normal P.O.V.-) **

* * *

"Itachi-kun, I've been thinking."

Itachi was changing in the bathroom after a shower, Nolena sitting outside the bathroom on the floor, against the door.

"That sometimes isn't a good thing for me."

Itachi pull on his black shit with the fishnet sleeves and collar and begins applying sunscreen and some light make up to hide the fatigue marks around his eyes but it doesn't work perfectly.

"Shut it. I already know it's going to take a while to patch up things with Kisame so I think that you need to make amends with your brother."

The door flies open and Nolena falls backward hitting the hard floor and looks up at Itachi.

"You ok?"

"Yes."

"Good, what are you thinking? You're crazy you know?"

Itachi goes back into the bathroom, grabs his hairbrush and begins taking care of his midnight locks.

"My little brother is too stupid to just let things go, especially after I told him he had to kill me."

"It's your own fault, but you can fix it."

"But I don't want to make peace with him."

"Come on Itachi, you know you love your little brother."

Said ninja pauses in brushing his hair and thinks, while tapping the brush against his shoulder.

"Maybe but I don't want to become close to him or something, he has such a horrible hair style, have you seen it?"

"What kind of reason is that?"

Nolena stands up, walking behind Itachi and taking his hairbrush, she begins to gently brush his damp hair.

"A good one, look at my hair, or yours for the matter. Does it look like it was chopped off the ass of a duck?"

The girl starts laughing and the Uchiha smirks.

"Omg…you are so right, you should do something about that, or I'll just start laughing when we go to see him."

"I think I'd rather watch his expression when you do start laughing at him."

Nolena continues brushing the knots out of his hair while giggling.

"You are a sadist."

"I try…fFx the part."

"Drama King and a beauty King." She takes a comb and starts to even out the part, carefully aligning it.

"Which means you come in second to me."

"Shut up."

Itachi smirks because he knows he won.

* * *

**(-Training grounds with Team Seven-)**

* * *

Kakashi was giving his three teammates a lecture about the Chuunin exam finals, while reading his orange book. All three of them were going to the finals together, this time all three passed each part of the exam. They were just about to begin training when someone interrupts them.

"Hey guys!"

The four of them look up, Naruto automatically recognizing her.

"HEY! It's the girl who beat up Neji!"

"Quiet dobe."

"Shut up teme."

"Love you too."

Naruto blushes.

"We've been wondering where you were-" Kakashi starts.

"Shut up. I need to speak with Sasuke-san."

The mini Uchiha steps forward.

"What do you want with me?"

"If you'll come with me; you'll find out."

"Fine." He steps toward her, and she leads him away into the forestation.

"Make sure you come back _we_ need to have a talk with _you_." Kakashi calls after them.

Nolena brings a hand into the air and waves at him in a careless fashion as to if to say 'whatever.'

After getting further into forest, Nolena transforms into her demon form, to feel more comfortable. Then the Uchiha jumps back holding up a kunai.

"What the hell are you!?"

She turns and looks at him, rolling her eyes and grabs him by his shirt, dragging him along as he struggles.

"Don't even bother, I wouldn't kill you, it'd make Naruto cry."

"Then what do you want from me!?"

"TO TALK!"

"I'm an Uchiha, people don't just want to _talk_ to us."

She throws him into a clearing muttering to herself about all Uchiha's being the same. Nolena calls out into the deeper part of the forest.

"You can come out now."

"I already said I didn't want to come here idiot."

"TOO BAD! GET OUT HERE!"

"NO!"

"FINE! I'LL COME AND GET YOU!"

As the demon girl storms into the dark forest Sasuke can't help but stare after curiously. When there are sounds out struggling and cursing, Sasuke finds himself slightly scared. What was going on in there?

Suddenly Itachi is pushed out into the clearing and he staggers a bit from the force, Nolena walks out beside him.

"See that wasn't so hard."

"Screw you."

"Itachi!"

Sasuke screams at his brother, and the two adults turn and look at the shocked fifteen year old.

"Itachi."

"Yea?"

"You were right…"

Suddenly, Nolena starts laughing hysterically at Sasuke, and as hoped; Sasuke's jaw dropped and stared in confusion. The eldest Uchiha just smirks.

"Stop laughing at me!"

This only causes the girl to laugh harder.

"You have duck-butt hair!"

Sasuke blushes and puts his hands in his hair as if to hide the evidence.

"I DO NOT!!!"

The laughter does not cease.

"Itachi make your girlfriend shut up!"

"Ok Nolena you've embarrassed him enough."

She stops laughing.

"So I'm your girlfriend now?"

"If that's how you want to put it then sure."

Nolena rolls her eyes and Itachi sighs.

"Whatever. Itachi-kun tell Sasuke why you're here."

"No."

"Do it or I will hurt you."

"You're weaker than me, especially now that you can't control me."

She grabs one of his kunai and his ponytail and holds it to his hair.

"Do it or say good bye to your hair!"

"You wouldn't dare, you love my hair."

"Do you really want to find out if I'm lying?"

Itachi glares at her and she glares back. He crosses his arms and looks away; she lets go of his sexy locks.

"Good boy."

"I hate you."

Nolena kisses his cheek.

"No you don't."

"Go away, I'll deal with this."

She nods and walks away. Itachi turns to his little brother, who glares at him expectantly.

"Well Itachi?"

"Relax, little brother. I am not here to fight you."

Sasuke relaxes but keeps his guard up.

"Well what do you want?"

"To make amends, Nolena-san suggested that it would be better for my karma or some bullshit."

"So your not here because you want to be?" a short look of sadness settles onto his features.

"Only half of me cares, the other half says I should just leave you again while I still have the chance."

"You killed our family, you never cared for any of us."

"I cared for you Sasuke, but only you."

"Then, why did you leave?"

"I really don't think I need to answer that."

"Then why did you kill our family!? I know you didn't just do it to test yourself, your not that heartless!"

_Does everyone think that? Apparently everyone knows me better than…well me._ Are the thoughts that run through Itachi's mind.

"I did it to test myself and…I wanted to protect you."

"That's a great way to protect me."

"Sasuke, no one in our family had really cared for you because you were not as great as me when I was younger. Father, never cared for you, he only ever focused on me to try and get me higher into the ranks. He suffocated me and it made it all the easier to kill him and the rest, I hated the praise of all our family. They only cared about my accomplishments. If I had not mentioned to father that your entrance ceremony to the academy was on the same day as my mission, he would have never gone, I would have gone for him though. It does not really matter whether they lived or died, you'd have been alone anyway. You only had me."

"SHUT UP! That's not true!" Sasuke was fighting tears at this moment.

"You know it is."

"But mother-"

"Pitied you, there is a difference."

"Screw you!"

"I'm here because I care about you, I don't lie to people, it proves to be useless."

Sasuke cries out and charges at his brother with tears streaking his face. Itachi catches his arms and pulls him into an embrace.

"I'm sorry Sasuke."

The two brothers stand there in an embrace, Sasuke clinging to Itachi soaking his Akatsuki cloak with his tears.**

* * *

(-1 hour later-)**

* * *

Itachi is sitting against a tree with his brother curled against his side, like he would do in the old days.

"Aniki…"

"Hm?"

After talking for a while Sasuke finally accepted his brother' amends. It was easier for he had always wanted his older brother back.

"Who is that girl? I mean I know her name but seriously, is she your girlfriend?"

The younger Uchiha traces the cloud patterns on his brother cloak.

"Sort of, she is more of a friend with benefits."(0)

"What the hell is that?"

"We like each other but not in the way to have a relationship. She relieves my stress if you care to know. I have a boyfriend anyway, you do remember Kisame, correct?"

"The blue guy with the weird face?"

"Yes."

"Ew…I'd rather you date the crazy girl."

"Currently I agree with you. At this moment Kisame and I have been fighting, and it's his ridiculous jealousy that makes it his fault. I am rather pissed at him."

"Is that why that girl is your "girlfriend"?"

"More or less, she enjoys it as much as I do, females love a good Uchiha."

"I think your brother said that earlier to me." Nolena drops from a tree branch and down in front of them.

"Lovely to see you again Nolena-san." Itachi says sarcastically. She rolls her eyes like usual.

"Aniki…are you leaving now?"

"Yes."

"Um...make sure you visit Naruto and I sometime…I'm sure he'd like to meet you when your not trying to kidnap him."

Itachi is silent for a moment, mulling over his brothers request. He has to capture his jinjuriki soon, or he'll be in trouble. Oh well.

"Sure."

Sasuke smiles and hugs his brother and then they stand.

"Bye."

Nolena waves and begins walking away. Itachi pokes his brother in the forehead and follows after the demon goddess.

Sasuke rubs his forehead unhappily but smiles after his brothers retreating back. Then he turns on his heel and heads back to his group.**

* * *

(-BBQ Restaurant: Lunch time-) **(The one Chouji likes)

* * *

"Itachi-kun, are you mad at me for making you meet with your brother?"

"No…" The Uchiha stares out the window emotionlessly.

"Then why are you so depressed?" She lays some meat onto the grill in the middle of the table.

"Do you think…that it's over between Kisame and I?" His eyes watch the people walk down the street, frowning when he sees a happy couple pass.

"Itachi, I think that you two should just sit and talk things over. If it doesn't go well, just tell him you think that you two should take a break and get away from each other for a while with out fighting. I'll be here for you no matter what, so you can tell me anything. I honestly do blame Kisame for all of this, you do not deserve to suffer."

"I don't know if I could handle telling him that."

"Ok. I want you to go to him tonight. Try and talk to him, if it goes wrong I'll try and if that doesn't work. I'll tell him that you need to take a break from each other. It's all too obvious that you love each other."

"Thank you, Nolena-san."

"Anything for you Itachi."**

* * *

(-11 pm at the same hotel from earlier-) (-Nolena's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**It is dark in the room and I'm laying on top of my bed, with my hands under my head as I stare at the ceiling. Itachi left about three hours ago to talk to Kisame. I hope they made up. I wont be able to sleep till he gets back and we talk.

Sighing I turn on my side and look at the digital clock, it reads 11:03 pm; I continue to stare at it till it reads 11:13 pm.

This is when I hear the door swing open and then slammed shut and locked by Itachi and then there is a rustle of clothing possibly his cloak and then a soft thump on the floor. This can't be good, so I sit up, drawing one leg up half way to support myself.

"Itachi, what happened?"

There are lips on mine furiously kissing me, in anger, while I am forced onto my back. Then a warm tongue is forced into my mouth. I let out a muffled cry and he stops kissing me.

"Just shut up…" He mutters then attacks my neck sucking and biting at it; I let out a soft moan and my concern is suddenly blurred by pleasure. He is tearing at my shirt and I snap out of it and try to force him off.

"Itachi! Stop!"

He doesn't listen to me and bites down hard on my collarbone drawing blood; there will be a nice wound there along with something else... I throw him off of me and he lands on the floor half balanced half fallen.

I turn on the light and glare at him; it disappears so quickly.

"I-Itachi…"

His right eye and cheek are black and blue; completely swollen, there is a cut just under the eye as well. What made me curious was the fact that his eyes were red and a little wet, had Itachi been crying?

"He hit me."

I put a hand over my mouth and stare at him painfully with disbeliefe. What did Kisame do?

"W-why?"

"I told him everything, and apologized even. He looked so hurt…and so angry! He screamed at me, blaming everything on me and telling me that I was worthless and disloyal. I started to yell at him about how angry he'd been making me. I didn't see it coming when he grabbed me by my collar and punched me so hard he ripped my cloak. I was on the floor before I knew it. I-I had never seen him like that! So I just ran for it. I've never ran from someone before."

A few tears escape his eyes and he wipes them away furiously. I sit beside him and hold him to me tightly, not wanting to let go; he grips my shirt as well.

"Itachi-kun…what he did was wrong, you didn't do anything wrong. You were the bigger person who went to make things right, what Kisame did was unnecessary."

He actually starts sobbing quietly into my shoulder; I think he is trying to muffle it to not look weak. Itachi could never look weak to me, him crying in front of me makes me see him as a stronger man.

"I think we're over, defiantly over."

I sigh, he is probably right. I should have stayed out of it. I'm too involved now though. His eyes are open but he is too out of it to care. So I lift him up, and crawl under the sheets with him. He is snuggled to me with need of comfort. Heartbreak can turn anyone's personality upside down and inside out. (1)

Reaching across Itachi, I turn out the light and lay my head on my pillow. I look down at Itachi's bruised face, which is now being streaked with silent tears. His hair is a mess, so I pull it out of the band and run my fingers through it neatening it. His hands are clutching my shirt tightly and he is pressed so close to my body I can feel him breath or move.

I hum quietly to him, stroking his hair, trying to lull him to sleep. When he does fall asleep, tears still escape his eyes. I plan to stay awake all night to watch over him.

I look at the clock; it reads 1:37 am.**

* * *

(- Three days later; Noon-) (-Nolena's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**I haven't left this hotel room for more than hour, in the past three days.

I have not slept properly, in the past three days.

Itachi has not eaten, in the past three days.

I have not been able to stop worrying for the past three days.

Today is the last day for me to complete my mission. I already knew I wasn't going to finish it and I already knew I was going to have my rank taken from me, so why am I so worried? Forget it, I don't care, when it happens, I'll live. Tomorrow Madam Celeste is going to show up. I have no time to worry about it now.

"Itachi…please eat." I nudge his plate of dango towards him; it's his favorite food.

I've ordered or went and bought food at least twice a day since he broke down. He has not eaten any of it.

"I'm not hungry…"

He stands up and goes to lay down somewhere, this time I see him head towards the bathroom, he'll either **A:** lay on the floor, **B:** in the bathtub, or **C:** curl up on the counter and stare at himself in the mirror. God he is depressing.

Every day he will move at least six times and lay down in a different place, depending on the time. Usually if I walk by him he makes me lay down with him and hold him. Only if I don't go near him with in two minutes he calls me and then I _have_ to go lay with him.

At one point he was under the bed and I didn't want to know why.

I hear a soft voice call my name and I sigh and head towards the bathroom, he's in the tub so I have to pick him up and lay him on top of me since it's so small. I haven't showered in this room at all since the first day, now I use the one down the hall in the empty room.

I was showering to clean the blood off from when Itachi bit me, I had been in there a few minutes when I heard the bathroom door open, but did nothing.

When the curtain was pulled away and I jumped a little and I couldn't even respond when Itachi stepped into the shower fully clothed. He laid his head on my chest and held onto me. I sighed and pushed him away undressing him from his already soaked cloths, when I finished he held onto me again.

You'd think the first time we saw each other naked would be because we were having sex, not because he was depressed and needed to be near me while I was showering.

Honestly I am flattered that he looks to me as someone who can comfort him, and trust to care for him and keep his secrets. You have to be kidding me! He is overly dependent of me. I think this heartbreak reverted him back to his childhood. The one he did not have! He was always so grown up when he was kid but now he is a kid again but too damned depressed to do anything.

"Nolena-san…"

I look at Itachi he is curled up on top of me in a lazy fashion as we lay in the tub.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I'm putting you through this, I realized that I've put so much dependency on you and you probably have your own problems to deal with."

I pet his head lovingly.

"Don't worry, this is partially my fault as it is." Which is true, actually.

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is Itachi-kun, I shouldn't have taken all that as far as I did and I got Kisame angry with you."

His right eye and cheek went to normal size and it is yellowish and a little purple but it's healing. Itachi wouldn't let me put some bruise healing cream on it; he said he should let it heal naturally. At least the cut healed.

"I'm hungry."

Sure now he's hungry…

"Do you want the dango I brought?"

"No."

"What do you want?"

"Sushi."

"You hate sushi."

"I know…"

I sigh; he is just going to wallow in his depression, isn't he…

"Do you want me to go buy it?"

"Let's go out to eat…"

"Alright."

He gets off of me slowly and goes to go change out of his nightclothes. This is a sign he is getting better. He wants to go out in public, that's a good thing.**

* * *

(-Sushi Bar-) (-Itachi's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**Ok maybe I've been overreacting lately…I've been too depressed to leave that room because I was afraid of running into Kisame.

I'm wearing a rather large black hoody that Nolena bought for me two days ago when I complained that my cloak was ripped. I wear the hood up to shadow my face; I don't want anyone to know that Itachi Uchiha's perfect skin has been marred. Though they would probably arrest me before looking at that.

My whole body has been partially numbed from this experienced, I don't even look unhappy, I look just like I'm hallowed; I feel empty. I have to stare at myself in the mirror to remind myself that I'm there.

It's strange how in the beginning I hated this women walking with me when I met her. Now I'm clinging to her as if she is my lifeline; which she may as well be. I wont let her leave me for very long and I'm always clinging to her. Maybe it's because she actually cares for me.

The waitress leads us to a table, I sit across from Nolena but it makes me nervous and I don't like it.

I am an Uchiha god damn it! I should not be feeling like this. I pull on my normal Uchiha face but then his words repeat them selves in my head;

_"You are a lying, filthy, cheater Itachi! You are worthless disloyal and I hate you! I hope you die!"_ _and then he hit me._

I quickly retreat into my hollowed state.

"Itachi-kun? Are you ok?"

_"You are a lying, filthy, cheater Itachi! You are worthless disloyal and I hate you! I hope you die!"_ _and then he hit me._

I nod to her even though I'm clearly ready to cry; she smiles sadly and orders tea for us.

The waitress leaves.

Let's go over what has happened.

I get angry with Kisame, so I screw with his feelings.

That is my fault _and_ his.

He cheats on me, so I use Nolena as my toy, my distraction.

My fault.

Kisame's jealousy grows, and he cheats on me more, becomes cruel to both Nolena and I.

His fault.

I try to fix things by talking; he hurts me physically and emotionally.

His fault.

Conclusion: it's his fault, he hates me and I now have a broken heart, which I had just recently discovered.

I am left alone with the girl who enslaved me, then befriended me in more than one way and is now my lifeline.

The most screwed up things happen to me.**

* * *

(-Normal P.O.V.-)

* * *

**The two adults sip their tea after it is served to them.

Itachi holds his with both hands and close to his body with his head bent over it inhaling the steam.

"Would you like to order now?"

"Itachi-kun, what would you like?"

"Anything is fine," he whispers quietly.

"We'll both have the special."

The waitress smiles and walks away.

"Itachi, I'm going to leave you at the hotel by yourself for a while after we eat ok?"

His head snaps up a bit of fear in his eyes.

"W-why?"

"I need to take care of something, alright?"

"What?"

"I need to talk to Kisame…"

"Don't. It'll make it worse."

"Itachi, calm down, I need to make him understand something. I do not want you two to hate each other for the next forever."

"But…I don't hate him, he hates me." Itachi whispers lowly.

She smiles at him sadly.

"Don't worry, I'm just doing what I know is right."

"What if he hates you?"

"He hated me from the beginning, he probably just lost his respect for me is all."

"Just, don't let him hurt you because of me."

Nolena nods feeling so guilty. Seeing Itachi this way made her feel as if it was _all_ her fault.**

* * *

-§TBC§-**

**(0) Friends with benefits, ah, I love those. I'm not really sure if they'll ever have sex but w/e. making each other feel good is the whole point of that type of relationship so it doesn't matter how it happens.**

**(1) Heartbreak does change people's personality. You could be a total happy person and then become an emo self-mutilating psycho from heartbreak. **

* * *

**A/N:** 24 pages, good eh? Lol. Well…lots of I x N but it was good. Um…don't worry, Kisame and Itachi will get back together…eventually. SO MUCH CRYING! They are a good couple and they were meant to be. I love the drama and angst between them. I haven't read a fan fiction where Itachi and Kisame have this type of problem so I get to be original! YAY! Poor Itachi…his newly found heart has already been broken. 

If Kisame and he do get back together…how long will it take for it to happen?

How long before they trust each other again?

When will they have sex?

What happens when Madam Celeste comes to visit Nolena?

What will happen to Nolena anyway?

**A/N 2:** Read the next chapter whenever I post it to find out the answers.

**PLEASE REVIEW! IT TAKES ONLY 60 SECONDS TO VOICE YOUR OPINION.**


	11. The Ending Solution

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen to Us.**

**A/N:** I never thought I'd see chapter eleven. Well anyway. This is a two part story. This chapter is the ending of the first half. The second half will be under this same title with the same link. I have no idea what to name part two so why would I put it under a different story? Jeeze…I started this thing in August of 2006 and now look at it! I declare this to be my favorite.

* * *

**Note:** I had never meant this story to turn out as a romantic tragedy/ adventure, but whatever. I'm a sucker for romance and other people in pain…er…I mean that in a non-sadistic way. -Sweat drop- 

**Warning:** Self-mutilation is involved. Enough said.

**Note 2:** I have a strange fetish for blood and watching people bleed… therefore someone one will always do something stupid during my stories.

**Warning 2:** I haven't properly slept since I wrote chapter 9, I have spent at least 9 hours straight on my computer _per chapter_ writing because I can't stop. I honestly have an addiction. Starting at 10 pm and going to 7 am writing is very stupid…Sorry if this chapter isn't really, intelligent…

**Note 3:** This will be the last chapter for a while. Writing it took it's toll on me and I want to think about the other stories I have going…

**Warning 3:** OOCness…again…but more severe…lol. Oh and a LEMON! –smiles-

* * *

The Key:Bold is for whatever… 

"These are for speech"

_Italics are for thinking._

_**Last Time: **_

"_But…I don't hate him, he hates me." Itachi whispers lowly._

_She smiles at him sadly._

"_Don't worry, I'm just doing what I know is right."_

"_What if he hates you?"_

"_He hated me from the beginning, he probably just lost his respect for me is all."_

"_Just, don't let him hurt you because of me."_

* * *

This Time: 

**Chapter ELEVEN: The Ending Solution.**

**(-Sushi Bar-) (-Itachi's P.O.V.-)**

My life has become an empty void of nothing. Everything is utterly pointless.

I have no clue how it happened so fast, three weeks ago, I was extremely happy and with just word, and one scheme, it ended.

How fucked up is that?

One of the few times in my life when I care for something, I end up wishing it never happened and I want to kill myself for it.

Every time I replay the encounter in my head, it stabs me in the heart with a rusted blade and it when it's pulled out it is twisted to make it hurt more.

How much longer till the pain goes away? Gouging my eyes out would hurt less, and it is so tempting.

I sip my tea and wince; it is now luk-warm and thick. A plate of sushi is set in front of me.

I stare at it; a block of ice forms in my throat and tears well up in my eyes.

Sushi is Kisame's favorite food; he never shut up about it. I didn't think I'd enjoy torturing myself this much…why am I making myself suffer?

I take a small piece using my hands and bite into it, chewing slowly. It is almost tasteless, the texture is smooth and the rice has a sake-based solute mixed in. I swallow the small bite that I took and it slides down, I reach for another piece. My stomach growls at me harshly and attacks the small bite of food that I had given it.

That's right; I hadn't eaten in three days.

After three pieces of sushi I look up at Nolena, she is finished and staring into a fresh cup of tea, there is a fresh cup sitting beside my plate for me. I guess I was too out of it to notice. I take a sip, warmth fills my body, and I feel a little better.

I eat more sushi trying to force it all down with out feeling sick. The tea helps settle my stomach but not much. I don't finish all of the food but I do eat half. I can't eat anymore.

"Nolena-san…I'm finished."

She looks at me, then my plate.

"Are you sure you don't want to try and eat more?" she asks me.

I shake my head, we both stand up and she pays the bill. As we leave the restaurant I attach myself to her side and she puts and arm around me. This gives me a decent amount of comfort.

**

* * *

(-Thirty minutes elapse-) (-Itachi's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

I pace in the hotel room, feeling nervous.

Nolena left me about twenty minutes ago to go see Kisame. I tried laying down to sleep but my body started to itch with a need for something. So I try to pace to release some unwanted stress.

I need to be held; to feel protected and safe.

Just like Kisame did… 

How could I have become so dependant on another person?

Today it is harder for me to be alone because I know where she is going. I am only use to being alone for an hour or so…who knows how long she'll be gone?

After ten more minutes I begin digging through my Akatsuki bag trying to find something to occupy myself with.

I come across my kunai pouch and decide to sharpen my weapons. I seat myself on the bed and take out one kunai and start sharpening it with the kit I had brought with me.

I slide the rigged block on one side and then the other. Small pieces of the kunai's steel flake off and the kunai shines brighter with a sharp intensity.

After sharpening the one kunai I run my fingertip across the edge of the blade gently to test it. The sharpness splits my skin open and it begins bleeding; I stare at the blood and the wound.

_It didn't even hurt._

A few interesting thoughts run through my head.

I unzip my hoody and pull my left arm out of the sleeve then roll up the fishnet sleeve to my upper arm.

I admire the smooth skin on my forearm and how it is perfect with no marring. I am pale, with the lightest shade of a sun-kissed tan. Just like all Uchihas'.

I turn my arm over and look at the underside of my forearm. It is paler than the top.

I lay the kunai's blade across the middle of my arm and press gently then draw it back in slow motion, blood runs from the wound and down my arm. There is a slight twinge of pain but _it feels good…_my heart stops hurting.

I pull away the blade and admire my work; it is satisfying. A small smile resides on my lips.

My hand brings the kunai to another spot on my arm and repeats the action over and over until there is a row of seven long cuts lined up across my forearm. The pain is addictive.

I feel better, relieved and I can relax.

Blood has coated my arm with a dark red, pooling in my palm. The bleeding slows when I do not reopen the cuts I had already made. They sting slightly when I flex the muscles in my arm.

I stare at it for so long the blood dries; caking and lumping on my skin, clinging to the small hairs on my arm.

I wipe the blade clean on the inside of my dark hoody and place it back in the pouch.

My legs carry my body to the bathroom and clean the fresh wounds in the sink, wiping the blood off.

The water is red and when I drain the sink, the white porcelain is a light pink. I wipe the sink with a few tissues and flush it down the toilet to hide the evidence.

I don't need Nolena to know about my new narcotic.

As long as I am happy, she shouldn't care.

**

* * *

(-Nolena's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

"Found you."

Kisame turns around in his seat at the cheap bar to look at me.

"What the hell do you want?" He glares at me.

I bite my lip to not loose my cool.

"What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that to him?"

"He needed some sense knocked into him. He is a lying, cheating bastard."

My eyes narrow at him, my anger is about to skyrocket. And when I am angry, my Impure side takes over my sense.

"He was trying to make things right! He went to you to apologize! How can you tell me something like that!"

My yelling gains the attention of the bar tender and a few passersby's.

"I just don't care anymore. I became sick of him always wanting to have his own way and thinking he can do whatever he wants to me. Frankly, I want nothing to do with him, he doesn't deserve me."

I snap, and grab him by the collar of his shirt. His eyes widen and I smirk angrily. My right arm draws back with my hand in a fist. When I punch him in his face I can feel his cheekbone crack under the force, he hits the opposite wall putting a Kisame sized hole in it. I ripped his own Akatsuki cloak.

"That was for hitting Itachi!"

He stands up clutching his face; anger is evident in his body.

The bartender is freaking out, I glare at him and he backs away.

Kisame charges at me with his own fist raised.

I grab his fist and punch at his forearm upward and it snaps, he howls in pain.

"That was for breaking his heart!"

I raise my leg and give a devastating blow to his abdomen, and I let go of his arm he crumples to the ground.

I crouch down by him and grab his hair raising his face to meet mine.

"And that was for pissing me off."

He still glares at me.

"I should kill you, but Itachi still cares for you and I don't wish to upset my best friend."

I touch something on the collar that I've placed on him; it vanishes but leaves a black ring around his throat and then I let him go, feeling better.

"Stay away from Itachi and I or I _will_ kill you."

I throw one thousand yen onto the counter to pay for the damages and leave; Itachi probably needs me.

**

* * *

(-Back at the Hotel-) (-Nolena's P.O.V-)

* * *

**

When I arrive in the hotel room, I smile when I see Itachi sleeping on the bed in the hoody I bought him. I'd been gone for three hours and he is calm, so I guess his dependency is lessening.

I smell something though, it smells metallic and remarkably like blood; Itachi's blood to be precise. I see Itachi's kunai pouch and sharpening kit on the chair by the mini table. He must have cut his finger to test it or something.

_But why is it so strong?_

I dismiss it, and lay on the only bed beside Itachi to catch up on the sleep I had lost in the past few days. I'm still not use to having to sleep, ever since the last time I met with Madam, when she took away my constant alertness, without my knowing. It was a shocker the first time I felt tired and then went to sleep.

**

* * *

(-Normal P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

Several hours after Nolena arrived the sun had set and it was now dark. This is when Nolena woke up to find Itachi curled up against her; half asleep. She wraps her arms around him and draws him closer.

"Sleep well Itachi-kun?"

"Yes." He slowly wakes up more.

"Good, how are you feeling?"

"Better…how did it go with Kisame?"

"We talked, then I beat him up when he started talking shit about you."

"Thank you."

"Of course Itachi."

Comfortable silence sets in the air and there is only a sound of breathing.

"Nolena-san."

"Hm?"

"Can we leave? I don't want to stay in Konoha, or near Kisame."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Back to the Akatsuki hideout."

"Alright, when do you want to leave?"

"After a shower."

"Are you going to do that now?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

Itachi leaves her embrace and picks up a spare set of cloths from his Akatsuki bag, then enters the bathroom turning on the light. A few moments later the sound of running water is heard.

Nolena gets off the bed after the shower is turned off and turns on the main room's light, then grabs Itachi's cloak to look at the damage done to it a few days back. There is a large rip on the collar and three snaps are missing. She begins fixing it with a spell she had learned many years back.

After it's fixed she tries it on and snaps the snaps and smiles. She loved the cloak, it was so comfortable and it had a great fashion sense about it. She twirls around in it, enjoying the short time she'd be wearing it.

Itachi walks out of the bathroom zipping up his hoody, his hair is clean and dry; he left it down, free from the ponytail and it frames his beautiful face.

"What are you doing?"

The taller girl stops her playful actions and smiles at him.

"I fixed it and I wanted to try it out."

"I think you'd join Akatsuki just to have your own."

Grinning she answers positive.

"Defiantly!"

Itachi smiles lightly.

"Then you should ask our leader."

Her eyes sparkle with excitement.

"Really!? That would be so awesome! You and me in the Akatsuki! Do you think he'd allow me to join?"

"It depends whether or not you stay as powerful as you are when you meet with your master."

"Well…If I'm lucky she'll leave me as powerful as I am but take away some things. Madam will rip my title from me, I wont be able to transform into a wolf anymore. I will loose my ability to heal rapidly or perform certain spells. I will be banned from going to the Celtic world forever. I'll loose my demon form and be forced into a human form that is similar to this one. Uh…my money supply wont run out though because they own it to me for the billions of years of service I'd given to them. So I should be the same afterward. The only thing I don't know about it immortality. I have no idea if she _can_ take that from me."

Itachi blinks.

"Um…ok."

Nolena sweat drops.

"Let's just leave."

"Alright."

**

* * *

(- Noon the next day while traveling to the hideout-) (-Itachi's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

"Why is walking so exhausting?" Nolena asks me.

"I don't know, I'm use to it, so I don't really mind it."

"Oh."

My heart is starting to hurt again because I'm thinking about Kisame again. I feel the need to use the kunai again, but Nolena is around so I don't know when I'll be able to do it. This is aggravating; I can't stand the constant feeling of depression.

I need my release, before the pain becomes unbearable.

"Itachi-kun."

I look up at the girl who called me, she stopped walking a few steps behind me and I didn't notice so I have to turn around to face her.

"Hm?"

"Why don't you relax here, I need to go meet with Madam."

"Ok."

I watch as she walks away, I can't believe my luck.

I think god likes me today… 

Ironically we were near a stream when she decided to leave. So I set my things down and take off my cloak that Nolena had given back to me earlier; laying it on the ground. The sleeve on left arm is then rolled up, my kunai is slide out of it's pouch and into my hand.

I look at the wounds I made the day before, they are thin red lines. They had scabbed over during the night. Last night when I was showering the cuts began to bleed again and I became slightly afraid that Nolena would walk in and see, so I had to cut my shower short and not wash my hair. Thankfully I hadn't gotten it wet before then.

The seven cuts on my arm are interesting, but they aren't bleeding and they aren't making me feel any better.

My heart throbs painfully.

I take the kunai and press it a little harder than yesterday on my skin. I pull it down my arm, drawing a horizontal line from the inside of my elbow down to two inches above my wrist so I don't kill myself by accident.

Blood pours from the wound and the scabs on the old cuts crack open and bleed lightly.

A smile graces my face again, and I draw the kunai back to it's starting point and line up six more cuts to go along with the first one.

I dip my arm into the stream and the current washes my arm off; the blood tints the water red momentarily before washing away with the current.

I pull my arm out after several minutes and dab it dry on my shirt and wrap a white bandage all around it the prevent the bleeding, then pull the sleeve down to cover it.

The bandage is pressed oddly against my cuts and they sting; I smile more.

I love my narcotic.

**

* * *

(-Nolena's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

As I walk into a clearing, I become nervous.

I really don't want to loose my title.

"M-madam?"

I see a tall woman walking towards me. She is dressed in white silk robs. Her silver hair is down and wavy. She stares at me firmly with her gray eyes. She is a vision, always beautiful and she knows it.

"Well child?"

"I have not completed my mission Madam."

"As we both knew would happen."

I bow my head shamefully. I honestly did not expect this to happen to me, nor did I think it would hurt so much.

"You do know the consequences. And as required by the second ruler of our universe I must read your sentencing to you." A piece of paper appears in her delicate hand.

The paper is made from the tree that only grows in the Celtic Universe making it very important for it is indestructible and used for only important documents. Like the banishing of a Goddess.

I nod and she continues.

"Takahashi, Nolena Norowarete (0) The Crystalline, White Wolf Demonic Goddess of Demons and Judgment has not complied with her assigned mission or had a five hundred years plus lapse in agreement (1).

The High Council has looked over her services from her past and agreed upon a punishment.

The punishment includes:

-The Goddess to be removed from her rank.

-To be banned from the Celtic Universe.

-To become human.

-To continue to be immortal.

-To be unable to transform into her given spirit creature.

-And finally; to be unable to heal their self.

The High Council understands that the Ex-Goddess in question has given the Celtic Universe many years of service and agrees to allow the following:

-The Ex-Goddess will be able to choose her human form.

-Keep her power and strength that she created herself.

-Be able to perform spells.

-Have an unlimited money supply as payment.

-To keep all intelligence that she has acquired over the years.

-To be able to choose one person to become immortal with her at any time she wishes so she does not live by herself for eternity. This is not a must though.

-And finally, to be able to choose her own successor.

**High council members;  
**

High Ruler X (ten); Celeste Galaxervia

Royal Adviser 1; Cathala Trestle

Royal Adviser 2; Catalo Soralo

God Representative; Armmonal Harth

Goddess Representative; Andréa Camellias

Guardian Representative 1; Arian Galaxervia

Guardian Representative 2; Gemma Galaxervia

(2)

The Ex-Goddess must sign the document to be released lawfully under the jurisdiction of the Celtic Universe.

Nolena Norowarete Takahashi: …………………………………… (signature)"

After hearing all of that I start to silently cry.

Being a goddess was** my whole life. **

I enjoyed the job so much and now it is being taken away from me because I screwed up.

"Child, look at me."

I lift my head; tears are streaking down my face. I must look pitiful.

"I understand that this must hurt you, especially after going through your trainers abuse. After trying so hard to complete all that we asked of you and being undyingly loyal. I know that he is dead but he did not die with out telling you what was planned for you."

My head slowly moves in the nodding motion.

"Yes I was planning on choosing you to make you my successor but after you broke regulations we must take action. We were planning to give you your power and abilities back that you had before your first screw up, but that will no longer be able to happen. I am sorry but I can see that it will do no good, so I'll get to business. Please select the form you wish to have."

I wipe my tears and plan out the look I wish to have; it is pointless to fight it so I have to deal with it. No matter how much it hurts.

My hair should stay the same, silver and to my knees. My eyes can stay red and I like my fangs so they'll stay. My height decreases till I am five foot eight inches tall and my hourglass form enunciates itself. I grow my claws so I can use them as weapons. I'll keep my lightly tanned skin and the tattoos on my body even though one will be gone after I sign the document. I still appear Japanese.

I nod to Madam again. She takes out a quill.

"Before you sign I must ask you, who are you picking to be your successor? We do not have anyone in the Celtic Universe able or worthy to be your successor."

"I know who I'll choose, he's reliable even though he is an idiot…"

"Fine."

I am handed the quill and the document. My hand shakes and my body tenses, this is it.

I will lose everything I had for my entire life.

As I sign the dotted line I can feel myself breaking down, tears run down my cheeks again.

After signing I feel my right arm burning where my trademark tattoo is. All Gods, Goddess' and Guardian's have one. Mine was a pure white wolf sitting in light snow while howling to the blood red moon with a dead black sky in the back.

It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and now it's gone.

"Will I ever see the twins again?" I ask her quietly.

"My nieces', will visit you if they ever choose to."

Arian and Gemma Galaxervia are both Royal Guardians. They are quite powerful for their age, though were never more powerful than I _was_. They are related to the high goddess so it's not unbelievable.

They had looked up to me as a roll model for the longest time and both ended up being twin miniature versions of myself. The most adorable thing ever. I haven't seen them in years.

"I understand Madam, but can you tell them something for me? As a last request."

She nods for me to continue.

"Tell them I am sorry and that I have failed them. Tell them they need to become the best they can so they wont fall into my path."

I bow to her, for the last time. She nods to me and leaves curtly.

I fall to my knees and stare at the place she was standing a moment before. Everything I was is gone. I am no longer myself, I am human. I've become what I've had to deal with during my assignment.

Jeeze… My life is screwed up.

I collect myself and leave the area, heading back to Itachi.

**

* * *

(-Normal P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

When Nolena got back she found Itachi sitting on a rock and staring at the running stream water in a bored fashion.

"Itachi-kun." She calls to him.

He looks over and stares at her.

"You don't look much different…"

She sighs depressed and falls to her knees hugging him.

Itachi points out the obvious.

"Do I need to console you this time?"

She nods into his chest and he pulls her into his lap hugging her tightly. He pets her head gently.

"Don't worry, you're still the same irritating and lovable goddess who is my best friend."

She chokes a laugh through her tears.

"Thank you Itachi-kun, you always know what to say."

He smirks and kisses the top of her head.

"Of course I do, I got that from you."

Smiling and no longer upset Nolena leans up and kisses Itachi sweetly, he kisses her back. They pull away and she snuggles to him.

Itachi is Nolena's stress reliever; her best friend.

Nolena is the same for Itachi.

Just like Tylenol, they resolve each other's pain.

Who would have thought it?

"We should go if we want to make it before dark."

Itachi nods in agreement and they leave, content with each other's presence.

**

* * *

**((FINALLY!!! –glares at nothing-))

* * *

"Where is everybody?" 

The two friends had entered the hideout and are looking about the empty main room.

"I'd like to know as well…Normally there is at least three members here."

"Why are we here again?"

"Honestly?"

"No I want you to lie to me." Nolena replies sarcastically.

"You've gotten over your problem real fast."

"Shut up and just tell me."

"Well…I wanted to request to the leader for you to uh…replace our old member who left. When I figured you enjoyed wearing the cloak so much I'd thought I could get you to do it yourself…"

Nolena blushes and then smiles.

"That is so cute Itachi!"

Then she hugs him tightly.

"Thank you. I know I am."

She giggles and kisses his cheek still hugging him.

"You're the sweetest."

"OMG! ITACH-SAN IS CHEATING ON KISAME-SAN WITH THE SCARY DEMON LADY! UN!"

Deidara and Sasori appear in doorway of a random hallway. Sasori stood beside his partner smirking; no longer in his puppet form.

"I thought you liked men Itachi-san."

"Shut up Sasori-san. As for cheating Deidara, Kisame and I broke up."

"Oh, oh! Did he realize he was straight!? Un!"

An annoyed and hurt look sets upon Itachi's face. Nolena notices and makes a comment

"You know…I think that the Akatsuki lets anyone join these days."

"Tell me about it."

The hurt leaves his face but not his eyes.

"HEY! Un."

"Sasori-san, where is the leader?"

"Sitting on his "throne" pretending to do "work" he is such a lazy commanding asshole. He's not going to be happy that you brought someone with you."

"He wouldn't be happy about you talking about him like that."

"Shut up bastard."

"Stop fighting!"

"Stop fighting, Un."

Both Nolena and Deidara yelled at their friends at the same time. How cute, twins!

Itachi scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"Let's go Nolena."

He grabs her hand and drags her away furiously. Nolena sighs and keeps up with Itachi, lacing their fingers.

When they get into the hallway outside of where they were heading, Itachi stops and leans against the wall still clutching Nolena's hand.

"I thought I was going to break down in there."

He sighs and brings his other hand rubs his eyes feeling upset that he continues to be upset at the mention of Kisame.

"But you didn't and that means your getting better." She kisses his hand. "Don't worry, the pain will ease."

He smiles lightly.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to the fabulous Leader." He announces to her sarcastically.

Itachi opens the door he was standing by and walks in pulling Nolena along gently.

When they enter they find The Leader sitting in his chair with paper work pilled high on his desk.

Instead of doing the paper work he is balancing a pointy kunai on his nose.

Honestly, you'd think a ninja of his stature would be more mature but no. He isn't even able to sit there and balance it calmly; he is moving around and jerking his body to keep it from falling.

"N-no no no don't fall! No, no!" he is saying to himself as he unknowingly embarrasses himself.

Itachi clears his throat to get his attention. Nolena lets go of Itachi's hand and stares at the leader, smiling smally.

Leader automatically stops his actions and the kunai clatters to the floor. He blushes darkly.

"DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK? I WAS WORKING!"

Nolena giggles and Itachi smirks.

"Sure looked like you were working sir."

Leader sighs and his blush clears.

"What do you want Itachi? And where is Kisame?"

"Don't know or care and I don't want anything to do with him."

Leader stares at him.

"Ok then, what is with the pedestrian then?"

"She wants to join, and I recommend her."

"A new member eh…and if you of all people give enough credit to this person to recommend them, they must be good! What is her name?"

He places his elbow on the desk, resting his head on his hand, staring at the girl, who is staring at him intently.

"My name is Takahashi, Nolena! Nice to meet you."

She grins at him and he smiles.

"What abilities and attributes do you possess?"

"I use to be in the military?"

The Leader rolls his eyes.

"That doesn't help much."

"She is the one who uh…captured Kisame and I if that helps…"

Leaders eyes widen and then he smirks.

"Really now? So this is the terrifying Demon Goddess who captured Thee Itachi Uchiha. She looks to cute and innocent to be such."

Nolena blushes.

Itachi eyes her curiously.

Leader smirks happily and continues.

"Last time you were here you bitched about hating her, so why are you suggesting her to be one of your comrades?"

"She _is_ my comrade." Itachi points out mildly.

"Ok then, what is your reason for wanting to join? Did you kill your clan as well?" He asks seriously.

"Um no…I just like the cloak."

Leader stares at her the looks to Itachi.

"Is she serious?"

Itachi nods.

Leader turns back to Nolena.

"You do realize what kind of organization we are right?"

"Yup."

"So you wouldn't mind capturing tailed demons and killing people, just to wear the uniform?"

"No, of course not."

Leader looks at his papers and turns a page.

"Well it does even the numbers out, but where would we put her? Everyone has a partner."

"I'll switch Kisame for her."

"Mh…then where would we put Kisame?"

Leader scans a page of information he has on his desk.

"He could be your partner."

Leader looks up at Itachi.

"That is not going to happen, I refuse to work with him. Why don't you want to stay with your boyfriend?"

Itachi glares at him, then the floor, sadness filling his eyes.

"Just because."

Leader scans his subordinate curiously.

"If I do accept your offer, how will you make it up to me?"

"I'd say thank you?"

"Itachi…don't be a smart ass."

"Shut up Nolena."

"Hey, I hated my leader but I still respected her!"

"You feared her!"

"I did not!"

"Yes you did."

"No! I do not fear anything!"

"Well you sure as hell feared her."

"No-"

"CHILDREN!"

Both adults stop bickering and look to the Leader.

"Are you two finished?"

They nod.

"Good, now as I was saying, Itachi, I think you should stay with Kisame, you two are compatible."

"But I'm compatible with her too."

"Why do you keep fighting with me Itachi? You're usually so agreeable and don't argue."

"H-he hit me, that's why."

Leader raises a blonde eyebrow.

"So you're upset because you fought with your boyfriend?"

"It's a personal problem."

Leader turns to Nolena.

"Do you know what happened? I'm sure you do if Itachi seems so confident of you."

"It's a personal problem." She repeats Itachi's words.

Leader's eyes glint with mischievousness.

"Hm…I guess I could allow you two to become partners, but you Miss Nolena must do me a few things."

"What are they?"

"You'll see."

**

* * *

(-Later on-) (-Itachi's P.O.V-)

* * *

**

I smile as I watch Nolena spin around in her new Akatsuki cloak. She really is obsessed with the thing.

The Leader gave it to her a mere hour ago and she is still playing around like a little kid.

He also said that they'd have to either make a new ring for her or she'd have to get the old one back from our old member Orochimaru. He left us because I joined or he said red and black make him look heavy when put together…I cant remember which.

I smile again when she pulls her arms inside it and her head and sits down making herself look like a weird rock.

"Itachi-san are you smiling?"

I immediately stop and glare at Sasori.

"What do you want?"

"I hear we have a new member, so the freaky demon girl is your new partner?"

I nod and he sits beside me.

"Is she a swinger?"

I continue to watch Nolena as she moves around inside the cloak.

"What does that mean?"

"Does she sleep around? I meant."

I look at him feeling protective and glare lightly.

"One you're gay and two you have Deidara."

"Ah, you know I'll fuck anything that is good looking."

Why do I all of a sudden feel the need to kill him? Well I normally _want _to but now I need to.

"Your going to have to ask her that."

What am I thinking? She isn't like that…is she? But she does enjoy fooling around with me a lot. So…what is she? Is she a swinger? Would she go for a guy like Sasori? And why was she blushing and smiling at the Leader? Yea he is good looking but-

"Are you listening to me Itachi-san?"

"Nope I was spacing out just then."

"Well of then, um…I'm gonna go talk to her."

I watch helplessly as Sasori struts over to my friend and start talking to her.

I almost start laughing when she slaps him across the face calling him a perverted bastard.

No wonder why I love this girl, she is entertaining. Well, as far as a friend with benefits can go on love I guess we're this close to being a couple, with out being a couple…ok that made no sense to myself and I said it, er thought it…

Sasori sits beside me again glumly.

"She said no."

"I could tell by the red hand shaped mark on your face."

"Shut up."

"What does Deidara-san say about you sleeping around with other people?"

"He is too blonde to notice..."

"Well Nolena-san is currently complaining to him about it."

I smirk when Sasori's eyes widen and look over at Deidara and Nolena. I hear this part of the conversation.

"How could your boyfriend just ask me to have sex with him as if I was some hooker!?"

"M-my Sasori no Danna said that to you? Un."

"Yes! He is so perverted! Why do you like him?"

Deidara becomes teary-eyed.

"HOW COULD HE!? UN!"

"It's ok Deidara-san, don't cry!"

It is so funny when he hugs her while crying, not even noticing Sasori is a mere seven feet from him.

"WHY SASORI NO DANA!? WHY!? UN!"

Nolena holds him patting his back lovingly. She has a knack for the caring about others feelings thing doesn't she?

Sasori panics and runs out of the room to hide.

When Deidara finally stops crying he thanks Nolena and runs off to find his Dana. Nolena walks over and sits beside me.

"Deidara-kun is adorable when you get to know him."

"At least someone here likes him, well…no one likes Zetsu-san so Deidara-san is liked more."

She smiles and laughs then stands pulling me up with her.

"Come on, let's go."

"Why?"

"It's your birthday silly."

Oh wow…someone remembered my birthday and I never told anyone.

"Oh."

She giggles, how cute is that? I think she is a little kid most of the time and then other times she can be so serious and wise.

"Here."

She gives me a rectangular white bow with a red ribbon sealing it.

"What is it?"

"Open it!"

I nod and untie the ribbon; it falls to the floor, and lift the lid of the white box and a velvety purple jewelry case is in there. I take it out and open that as well. Inside there was a necklace. It was a silver chain with a crystal the size of my thumb attached to it. The crystal was a swirl of red, black and white. Honestly it was beautiful.

"Do you like it?"

I smile at her while linking the chain around my neck, it is a little heavy.

"I love it, thank you."

She kisses me, wrapping her arms around my body. I more than willingly kiss back feeling excited as our tongues slide against each others. It was the first time we kissed like this in days; it is such a pleasant feeling.

She pulls away and pecks me on the lips again then lets go. I miss the warmth of her body like I do Kisame's, joy…I'm depressed and horny at the same time.

"Come, I have another surprise for you!"

The new Akatsuki member grabs my hand and pulls me away, out of the hideout.

When she finally stops we're at the base of a clearing and she covers my eyes telling me to walk forward. I comply.

When she uncovers my eyes she tells me to keep them closed while she gets something.

I'm allowed to open my eyes when she places a heavy, warm and very alive object in my arms. I look at it. It is a wolf pup.

"Isn't it cute!?"

She has this strange obsession with wolves…how the hell did she get it anyway? I scratch the pup's ear and he wines happily; I smile.

"Yes it is. How did you find time to get him?"

"I planned it out while I left a few time during the days we were in the hotel."

"I thought it would take more time than that..."

"I'm multie talented so sue me. So what are you going to name him?"

"I have no idea, it's strange for me to even be able to name anything…"

"Think of something."

"Um…how about Chikara?"

"Hm…power is a good name for a wolf. I like it!"

I smile at the pup.

"So how are you doing Chikara?"

It barks happily and licks my cheek.

"Awwwwwwwwww he is totally in love with you!"

"Nolena-kun that is just weird."

" I know but it's true!"

I can't help but smile and agree. This animal does see to already like me I place him on the ground and he stares up at me waiting for something.

"Chikara, sit boy."

He sits.

"Good boy. Now, Chikara lay down."

He lays down.

"Good boy. Nolena-kun, did you train him?"

"No, he is just a special breed of wolf that knows and obeys it's master after it's name is given. I love them; they are so sweet and fiercely loyal. Chikara, up boy."

The wolf does not listen to her.

"He will only take commands from you unless you order him to take commands from another." Nolena explains to me.

I think about that for a second.

"Chikara, you are to obey mine and Nolena's commands. Ok?"

The pup barks happily as it to say yes.

Nolena tries to command him again.

"Chikara, up boy."

He stands as told.

"Good boy. Now come here."

She smiles when the puppy walks to her and she pets him.

"Well, now aren't you the sweetest thing?"

I smile as my new pet is fawned over. Chikara is a rather large pup and in the black phase since it is summer. I wonder what his coat will look like during winter.

**

* * *

(-Twilight-) (-Itachi's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

Nolena and I are sitting side beside against a tree; Chikara lay on my lap, my hand petting his head my other hand laced with Nolena's.

I'm feeling stressed out right now, my heart is hurting and Nolena already said that she wanted to spend the rest of the day with me, so cutting myself isn't going to happen.

"Itachi-kun?"

"Yes?"

"I need to show you something."

I look to her and watch as she unsnaps her cloak taking it off and pulls down the right side of her shirt collar. I wonder what she wants me to see. Then she points to the light red scabbed over teeth marks on her collarbone and then I see it. The bright white part under the bite is words and it happens to spell my name.

"What the hell is that!?" I exclaim in mild panic.

"When demons um…mate, the dominant one bites the others neck and laps the blood off of it getting their saliva into their system (3). It happens mean that the one marked belongs to the one who bit them. So I currently am your property."

Shock fills my body, what the hell did I do!? I can't own her! She is my friend.

"And unlike with the collars you can't remove this mark whenever you decide you're done with them. Demons mate for life."

"Please don't tell me this! Why would you tell me that? Are you screwing with my head?"

She frowns; her feelings are hurt, so she bows her head submissively.

"I'm sorry Itachi-kun but it's true."

I rip my hand from hers and stand abruptly. Chikara whimpers and backs away from Nolena and me.

"Stop lying to me!"

She flinches when I yell at her and the pup whimpers in fear as well.

"I-I'm not lying! Please, don't yell at me, it's not my fault and it isn't yours."

"Then why did you feel the need to tell me!?"

"Because I felt you should know these things about me and you!"

She snaps and tears fall from her eyes. I must have scared her and/or made her feel worthless. She cries when I do that. My eyes soften and I kneel in front of her.

"Nolena-kun I-I'm sorry I yelled at you. Please don't cry…"

I hold her tightly when she clings to me again. I can't risk ruining my only good relationship left by fighting. I must be calm and patient with her. I whisper to her.

"I'm fine with it really, it just disturbed me…"

Nolena stops crying eventually and I pet her hair.

I lay down on my back bringing Nolena with me to lay on top of me like she has done with me before. I stare up at the sky it is now dark and I have a clear view of the full moon and stars.

"Itachi-kun…"

"Yes?"

"Why do you let me kiss you if you're gay?"

"Because it makes me feel good, and it makes you feel good. I let you because you'll let me kiss you with out it ruining anything. You are my release and I know I am yours"

"Thank you, for telling me."

I look down at her and smile gently and she smiles back, and then we meet each other in a kiss. My lips part and our tongues glide against each other's smoothly. I flip us over and lay on top of her while we make out.

My heart still hurts but not as much. I need to either cut my self or fuck something. And Nolena is right here and willing so it'd be easiest to take advantage of that even if it means loosing my virginity.

Her hands have once again found my hair and they are playing with it. My hands have decided to slip under her shirt and I begin to slowly pull it off. My mouth leaves hers and I begin sucking on her neck where the wound is and she squirms with pleasure. Her movement rubs wonderfully against my already stimulated body.

Her shirt is becoming a bother so I rip it down the front and reveal her bare breasts and remove the clothing. My smooth hand runs over her sensitive breast trying to get her to relax; I then focus on removing her pants.

I think she realized what I was doing because she stops me in the middle.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it seem to be?"

"I thought you were saving that…for someone special…I don't want to take it from you…"

I roll my eyes and whisper to her needily.

"I don't give a shit about that anymore. Kisame hates me and I need a release right now."

"But…"

"Sh…don't speak."

**

* * *

(-Look a Lemon-) **((I'm not going to be graphic on here so don't read it if you don't want to and don't report me.)) 

She doesn't respond to my touches but when I suck on a certain part of her neck; her jugular, she'll moan for me. I leave hickeys and love bites all over her neck and collarbone. Her hands undo my own clothing as I finish stripping hers off. This is only the second time we've been naked together and the first time with any action.

Since when does she have tattoos? There is a white Jasmine flower design on her left arm upper arm and I admire the beauty of it. Another tattoo of a rose shedding it's petals, starts from her right breast and moves down to her navel. I'm sure there are more but I'm focusing on the goal right now, finding my release.

When I push into her entrance, she whimpers with joy and we both enjoy the pleasure of feeling each other's bodies against the others. My hard member is clutched by her inner walls.

We move slowly at first until we get to a faster and harder pace. Our sinful actions bring pleasurable sounds from my own throat, as do they from her. Her clawed hands are clutching my back digging into my skin making it bleed. I am getting both of my releases at the same time. Our bodies rock furiously together.

I bring her over the edge before climaxing inside her, my heart doesn't hurt when I finish and collapse tiredly on top of her lithe body.

We are both covered with sweat, but I don't care. I found my release and I can now have it whenever I wish. Maybe cutting myself was good but this is better.

**(-Lemon over-)** ((Wasn't so bad was it?))

* * *

"Itachi-"

I cut her off with a chaste kiss.

"Thank you."

She stares at me with a small smile on her face.

"Anything for you Itachi."

Chikara whimpers and we both look at the wolf, he actually looks embarrassed.

"It's ok Chikara" I call to him and he lays down covering his eyes with his paws. It is adorable.

Nolena and I lay together for a while longer before getting up to redress ourselves. As we dress I notice Nolena spot my bandaged arm.

"Itachi, why is your arm bandaged?"

"To be different?"

The girl is silent while she brings her pants up her legs again and buckles the belt that she'd worn with them. I tore her shirt so she just wears her cloak over it closed. The hickeys and bite marks are visible though.

When she says nothing for several minutes I realize she doesn't know whether to believe me or not, but I couldn't respond if she figured it out.

"Happy Birthday Itachi-kun." She finally says to me.

I smile and hug her.

"Thank you for caring."

**

* * *

(-Morning-) (-Nolena's P.O.V-)

* * *

**

I sigh in relief when the pregnancy test reads negative, I would have beaten the shit out of Itachi if it were positive. Don't even ask me where I got it either…

Next time he decides he needs sex; I'm making sure he wears a freaking condom. He has bonds with me so he _can_ get me pregnant.

I leave the bathroom and run right into Deidara.

"Um, good morning Deidara-san."

He smiles widely at me.

"I talked to Sasori no Dana and he told me everything and even apologized, un. I'm so thankful we got that out of the way, un."

"I wish Kisame could do that with Itachi-kun."

"Do you have feelings for Itachi-san, un?"

I shake my head.

"I like him as my best friend who I could do anything with, but other than that…no. Why?"

"Because you'd be good for him, un."

"Why would you say that?"

"Itachi-san needs someone strong who wont pity him or be mean to him, un. He is often pitied and allowed to do anything he wants, un. You'd be good for him because you're a tough person who wont let him get his way, you keep him from loosing it, un."

I smile and shake my head.

"Itachi is gay, and he loves Kisame, they are just having problems, so hopefully they will resolve things."

"Ok, well I'm going to eat breakfast and Leader-sama wants to speak with you, un."

He walks away from me and I smile; he is a nice guy, just a little twisted.

I head to the Leader's room wondering what he could want.

I open the door and slip in.

Again instead of doing work he is fooling around. This time he is folding paper AKA origami.

"You wanted to speak with me?"

"Um yea…do you know how to make a crane?"

He does the first fifteen folds correctly then gets stuck in the middle.

"Yes."

"Then get over here please?"

I sit on his desk beside him and show him how to fold the crane properly.

"Is that all you needed?"

"Um, no. About our little deal. I want you to do something for me."

I nod.

"I want you to get my son for me and bring him here."

My eyes widen, does he mean…

"Yes, I do mean Naruto Uzumaki."

"Why?"

"That is for my own purposes, but I also need you to bring him here alive, and with his little boyfriend…I believe that is Itachi's younger brother right?"

I can't really speak; I knew this guy was familiar! And he is so hot…wait Nolena bad thoughts! Stop before you think something stupid and say something stupid.

"Good, now go get me some breakfast."

I glare at him.

"I am not your personal servant you know!"

He starts folding another crane.

"You and I had a deal, you get to stay with Itachi and keep his loser boyfriend away while I end up his new partner, this happens as long as you do whatever I tell you to. Besides, I am your master in this organization so you must obey me anyway. Do you understand me?"

I stare at him, I'm a dog here, and the second I put on the Akatsuki uniform I had drawn myself into their world of being controlled. Did this happen to all of the other members when they first joined? If so no wonder they all hate him.

"I asked you a question. Do you understand me?"

I nod.

"I can't hear your head shake."

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes I understand."

"Master. You are to say; 'Yes I understand, Master.' Now say it."

He is so polite and rude at the same time. He is demanding and carefree. He is evil, sadistic and forceful; I like him.

"Yes I understand, Master."

"Now bow down."

When I bow he grabs my collar and looks at my neck.

"Are you Itachi's little whore?" He asks me so casually.

"No I am not, sir."

"Right, go get me my food."

"Yes sir."

I leave the room as fast as possible, there is something about this man that creeps me out.

**

* * *

(-Itachi's P.O.V-)

* * *

**

That was an interesting conversation I over heard. Chikara follows at my heal as I head to the restroom.

My heart throbs and I quicken my pace.

Nolena is busy so I have my other solution at hand. As I step into the bathroom I slide my arm out of my cloak and roll up my sleeve and tear off the bandage.

I slide a kunai out of my pouch.

This is my narcotic.

This is my _solution _to my pain.

* * *

**-§End Part One§-**

**(0)**Norowarete mean's "Cursed One" in Japanese. I thought it was perfect.**  
**

**(1)**There is a 500 yr lapse limit because sometimes things don't go as planned so the council lets them have a break.

**(2)**Do you like the names? Lol. Uh Gemma and Arian are twin nieces of the high ruler that they are about one fifth of Nolena's age and very powerful. I created them a while back…I have a drawing somewhere.

**(3)**I was with a group of people watch tons of anime during a weeklong gathering session ((just my "friends")) we learned so much about demons that day.

* * *

**A/N: **_**34 pages.**_ How do you like them apples? Well I'm done for a while…the first half of the story is done. The second half will be posted on the same story bored I just thought you guys should know I'm not writing any more for a while. I just spent 10 straight hours at my computer typing this chapter. My mind is melting so leave me alone. 10:30 pm to 8:30 am I'm going to puke… 

So I decided that Itachi and Nolena should get it on and they did. Poor Itachi has to cut himself…I use to and it isn't smart so don't try it.

Itachi and Kisame get back together in the next chapter.

Uh…thank you my lovely supporters who stuck with me this far. I got better as the story progressed and I am very proud of myself…I'm going to bed after this…

I'll give you a teaser as to what is happening in the next half of the story.

**-Begin Teaser**

_It's been five long months since we last saw Kisame; no one knows where he is._

_We still have sex whenever I decide since we share a bed wherever we go becase I tell her to. She has become very obedient lately. She'll do whatever I tell her. I don't see her as often as I'd like when we are at the Hideout. _

_That is why I cut daily now._

_Nolena-san still doesn't know I cut myself luckily. Maybe if she knew she'd pay more attention me._

_Chikara has become my main source of attention._

_While Nolena is off doing something with or for Leader I either sleep, masturbate or have fun slicing my arm open. Chikara watches during all three._

_Leader has taken such on interest in my friend; it is a little sickening. I think he threatened her or something involving me. I wish she would tell what it is. _

_Nolena tells me he's kissed her before and tried to take it further but he knows he only has so much control over her so she can stop him whenever. _

_To put it simply, I miss my best friend._

**-End teaser.**

**I'd love it if ya'll reviewed and gave me feed back**


	12. Terror

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen to Us**

**A/N:** YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE IN THE _SECOND HALF_ OF MY FAV STORY!!!

Welcome! I'm so glad that I have some loyal fans and I'd like to personally thank you for reviewing and being honest about it. Blue Fan, Legomyedo, Lucy Sumeraqui, Tenshi of Freedom, Misssunshine07, Linkin's Random Queen. Miyu, Riley Killer, KiTTy - -Wuv, Shinigami, ttSerentity, Jon U, and Pockyfreakingcrazy4bois.You all were what kept me going through this story and I thank you so much. I stayed up for up to 9 hours on end through the night for those who pestered me. Legomyedo, Blue fan and Tenshi of Freedom would be the cause of me loosing sleep.

With out my fans I would have never wanted to continue. Thanks to the people who submitted constructive criticism I would have never made this story as good as it is. Mainly I want to thank my buddy Matt AKA Pockyfreakingcrazy4bois, he helped me a lot, especially with getting started and everything. GO READ HIS STORIES! All right I'll begin my normal rant.

* * *

**Note:** Itachi and Kisame will make up either this chapter or the next.

**Note 2:** _**No Nolena and Itachi are NOT a couple, just friends with benefits.**_ If you don't understand what I mean by this, don't bother with the back button on your browser. Just close the fucking window. I do not need anymore ignorant people PMing me and bitching ok!? I know Itachi is gay here but guess what, too bad, I'll do what I want; it's your decision to read what I put here. If you had a problem with what I wrote before what you didn't like and just bitched. You will not get anything from me, grow up. On another note; Itachi is OOC but this is a fanfic people! I understand he is stoic and cool calm and collected, HE HAD HIS HEARTBROKEN! It's sad…lets throw Itachi a pity party and watch as he cuts himself or takes advantage of his best friend.

**Note 3:** This chapter wont be too long, maybe 15 pages…

**Warning:** If you have a problem with me I'm going to hurt you for bitching instead of leaving.

**Note 4:** I'm a little tired, ignore my anger.

**Warning 2:** after staying up several nights in a row and only getting 2-5 hours of sleep, I want to die. You're welcome you story hungry readers.

**Warning 3:** I feel the itch to write chaos at the moment so there will be some in here. Itachi will be more into character just because I felt like it. Yay for torture!

**Note 5:** The teaser I gave you was only a manuscript so it's different here.

**Note 6:** NEW CHARACTERS ARE IN HERE! OC and REAL.

* * *

The Key:**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech"

* * *

**Chapter TWELVE: ****ter·ror** (tµr"…r)_ noun._**1.** Intense, overpowering fear.

**(-Akatsuki Hideout-) (-Itachi's P.O.V.-)**

"Nolena-kun, where are you going?"

"Leader-san wants me to see him…"

"What does he want this time?"

"I don't know, probably to yell at me for not capturing Naruto-kun and your brother yet."

I stare at her; she is lying again like she recently had been these few months and it's written all over her face, but I don't call her on it.

Before she joined Akatsuki, she was so bold, carefree and honest. Now she has a contradicting personality and she lies to me about almost everything and she is more grounded. Nolena-san has become obedient towards me, and it is a bit unnerving.

"I'm sorry Itachi-kun, but I must go or he'll be angry."

My face does not change from it's impassive state.

"Do what you want."

Nolena frowns and walks away.

I turn on my heal with Chikara following and head for our bedroom, which she hasn't been in yet, and she has been in Akatsuki for five months now. Everyday that we are here she is in Leaders office doing who knows what. I know little about it but it's enough to make me angry with her and Leader.

It has been five long months since we last heard from Kisame. Speaking of which I am no longer depressed about it, just upset and annoyed at him. Time helps heal things. But it still hurts when I think about it once in a while.

If I ever see him again, I'll be able to handle sorting things out.

Nolena-san and I have grown a little far apart. We still have sex quite often, but that is usually when I corner her in the hideout, don't allow her to go to Leader's office and tell her I need my release. I'll take her wherever we are and thankfully no one has found out yet. Well…that I know of.

When we are on missions to collect things or on a short leave, she always obeys my commands and does anything I want, so I don't have to result in self-mutilation.

We are still inseparable but there isn't much holding it there.

This is why I am still cutting and usually daily, even if it is just a small one.

Oddly or luckily if it matters, Nolena-san doesn't know I cut still. Maybe if she knew I enjoyed hurting myself, she'd stop lying and such then start caring about me again. I'd regain her constant attention.

Chikara has grown quite a bit since I first got him; he is my main source of attention now.

When Nolena is off with Leader I either sleep, masturbate, or have fun slicing my arm open. Chikara is always by my side for these actions. I think he knows I'm lonely.

Leader has taken a large interest in my friend. Hence why he always has her in his office. It is sickening.

I am so paranoid she is going to come back telling me he did something to her like trying to rape her. The man has done that to a few of the members already. Almost with me but I got away nearly killing him, Kisame and Zetsu never had to suffer sexual assault for they aren't human enough apparently.

My conclusion is that he threatened her and made her his personal slave like he did with all of the Akatsuki members. Including me. The man is a sick bastard. He may act like a fool and play around a lot, but he knows what he is doing and he is evil.

He draws us in with the hopes of acceptance by others just like us and then torments us and orders us to do his deeds for his own benefit. After going through so much because of that man we may have been broken, but we got over it, after about a year, I think most of us are too cowardly to do anything about it.

But where can a bunch of Missing Nins go? It isn't like we can do anything like tell someone; we'd just get arrested and be told we deserved it or something stupid.

I have no idea why I suggested bringing Nolena-san into here, I guess at the time I just wanted an explanation to always have her around. She is more sensitive than the rest of us and hasn't really killed people like the way we have.

The only thing I am told about Leader is that he has kissed her before, and asked for her to sleep with him.

He can only control her and the rest of us to a certain point and she has stopped him before he broke the limit. Although it's a matter of time before the limit ceases to exist, like usual.

It's simple. I miss my best friend.

**

* * *

(-Leader's Office-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

Nolena turns away as the Leader reaches for her face. Leader AKA Arashi Uzumaki sighs annoyed.

"You need to stop resisting me dear."

"Hn."

She turns her body away from him and leans against the side of the desk.

"You know, if I do remember correctly, for a while you used to stare at me with lust, and a strong attraction. What happened to that?"

His hand ghosts over the small of her back and she jumps lightly. The girl then turns her head and glares at him.

"I realized why everyone hates you. You're a sick bastard who uses people for your own personal gain. I will not submit to you and I will not let you get to me. You do not strike fear or the will to respect you into my being."

With in a split second the more powerful being pinned the girl against the wall with a forceful crash; her hands above her head and his hand squeezing her throat in a death grip. His blood red eyes glare into hers and she makes a choking sound.

"Listen here wench, if you think that you wont submit to me, then you are wrong! You will fear me and you will hate me in the end but I will own you!"

She glares at him and he raises her off her feet while squeezing her throat tighter. Nolena struggles and chokes more. A sadistic smirk plays across his handsome features. He slams her head against the wall and drops her to the ground and she lands on her hands and knees coughing hard.

"You are not as powerful as you think you are and you think you're more powerful than I, don't you. You think you can get away with what you want. Obviously I need to break you of that."

Arashi walks away from the girl and to a cabinet hanging on the wall and rummages through it till he finds what wants. So he kneels beside the girl and grabs her chin trying to force an opened vial into her mouth to pour the contents in. She resists.

"Open you mouth wench."

Nolena continues to resist and this earns her a hard punch to the jaw.

"I said open you mouth."

Her jaw remains closed even as it throbs in pain. Arashi pours the contents of the vial into this mouth then brutally kisses Nolena and forces the fluid down her throat. He lets Nolena go and stands up smirking and wipes his mouth on his hand.

It starts as a light burning sensation and then a hard prickly feeling. Eventually the pain grows and spreads through the girl's body; it feels as though her body it being torn apart from the inside, her mind feels as if it will explode and blood will suddenly bleed from her ears, eyes, nose and mouth.

Nolena curls to her self jerking in pain and clutches her jaw trying to not scream and give her leader the satisfaction of knowing she is in pain.

Arashi frowns and kicks the girl repeatedly.

"Scream wench! I want to hear it!"

After resisting as long as possible the smaller girl begins screaming in pain, crying and shrieking loudly. She earns a loud, sadistic and happy laugh from the man standing above her.

The pain and her screaming last for all of ten long minutes and she lays on the floor in shock when the pain subdues. Eventually she gains enough strength to speak.

"W-what the hell was that?"

"Morphine, with an added element which makes it an anti pain reducer. When injected; your skin feels like it is on fire, when swallowed; your body feels as if it is being torn apart from the inside. Do you like it?"

"You bastard. Go to hell."

Arashi frowns.

"Now, now. Don't talk to me like that or I'll have to do something crueler to you."

Nolena glares darkly although her body felt like it was on fire still.

The Leader changes to a different subject.

"I know how attached to the Uchiha you are, and I know how he uses you for his own satisfaction. Tell me, why does he force you into such things?"

"He doesn't force me into anything."

She slowly sits up, cringing at the after affects of the drug.

"Then you are his whore, his obedient little whore."

"Screw you, I am not like that."

He smirks again.

"You know, I've had enough of your attitude, and I'm going to stop being so lenient about you not completing your job that I've given you."

"I am not going to retrieve him! You cannot have the Kyuubi, you may have had Shukaku and another but you will not have Kyuubi! He is mine."

"Oh really? And why is that?"

"He is my apprentice and my successor! He will take my place as The God of Demons and Judgment."

A bit of surprise hits Arashi but it vanishes in a second.

"So that is what you are. The how is it that Itachi-san can over power you?"

"I _was_ a goddess, that is it. And now Kyuubi Kitsune is my successor. The one you had sealed inside your own son and partially inside yourself."

"How did you know about that?"

"I recognize my own people and your eyes are unnaturally red, but you are a worthless imitation of my apprentice. If I free Kyuubi from his seal you will loose all the power you have gained from it. He will destroy you for it and you will be brought down and beaten. You will be less than nothing for you will be dead!"

With in a second; Leader layed her out cold.

He grunts angrily and kicks the unconscious girl.

"Annoying bitch…"

He picks up her body and heads down the hall then throws her against the dinning hall entrance wall, and then goes back to his office slamming the door.

_I cannot let her free that demon; I need it for my own power…I will not die._

**

* * *

(-Two hours later; outside the dinning hall-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

"Nolena-san, un…Wake up Nolena-san, un."

The appointed girl cracks her eyes open and sees the floor and someone crouch beside her. Her eyes follow the figure upward till she sees Deidara crouched by her and Sasori standing beside him in his human form.

Nolena groans groggily and offers a sloppy smile.

"Ne, what's up boys?"

Deidara frowns and helps her sit up.

"Are you alright? Your right temple is black-and-blue." Sasori says politely. Nolena had developed a better relationship with the man after Deidara made them make up from when he asked her to sleep with him.

"I fell when Leader-san slammed the door on me literally as I left. He was angry when I told him I wouldn't do something for him." She lied to them.

"You wouldn't be here if that was true, you're lying to us. What did he do?" Sasori speaks.

"Yea, un."

Nolena blushes lightly and shakes her head nervously.

"H-he didn't do anything, s-stop asking!"

"Deidara, hold her down."

"Hai, Sasori no Dana, un." Deidara holds her down pressing her into the wall tightly but careful not to hurt her while she struggles.

"Let go!"

The red haired man kneels down on one knee ignoring her yelling and opens her Akatsuki cloak and scans her body. He then takes his right hand that is glowing blue and places it on her chest. His grandmother; Chiyo (Is that right?), was a medic-nin.

"He strangled her and forced her to swallow the anti-morphine, along with giving her a partial concussion." He removes his hand and sits beside Nolena against the wall.

"Why did you lie to us Nolena-kun? Un."

She does not reply.

"Nolena-san, it may not seem so but we are a family here in Akatsuki excluding the Leader. We all went through what you're going through now and we helped support each other. Even Itachi-san did."

"Has he tried to have sex with either of you?"

Both ninja's become more serious.

"Tried and succeeded, un. It was a nightmare, he said I was the perfect man-whore for him, un."

"He forced me to swallow anti-morphine and raped me as well…It was such a reprehensible experience…"

Tears well up in the girl's eyes.

"H-how can you live with yourselves after that? I nearly died when it happened to me."

Deidara and Sasori stare at her frowning.

"Who got you? Un."

"My sensei, he did it so often I wanted to die but I had to stay with him if I ever wanted to become a goddess. Looking back at all of that now I realize it was pointless and I've lost my position."

There is silence.

"What else has Leader-san done to you?"

"He's smacked me around a bit but not as badly as of late. He makes me do chores and useless stuff for him. Everyday he kisses me trying to feel me up, a few times he asked me to sleep with him. I haven't been able to spend time with Itachi-kun lately because he makes me come and see him all the time."

"You must miss him, un."

"I do, we've become so distant and I think he is angry with me because he I think he knows I lie to him about everything that has to do with Leader."

"Why are you lying to him?"

"If I don't do what the leader says, he'll torment me and separate me from Itachi permanently."

"You have to stick it out, just let him have what he wants or find a way to be on missions as often as possible. Sasori no Dana and I could probably find a way to hide you. Un."

"I don't want anything to do with that bastard."

"We don't either."

"Then why do you stay here? Why not go elsewhere?"

"Why don't you?"

She doesn't reply.

"Let's forget about this, it's making her crying, un."

"I-I am not crying!" Nolena wipes her eyes before the tears can fall.

"Let's get something to eat before it gets too late. Care to join us Nolena-san?"

The appointed girl smiles lightly and nods. All three stand and enter the dinning hall, which is empty, and the kitchen is open.

When they go in they head to the kitchen to make their perspective meals.

"I'll never understand why we don't get some random civilians to cook for us, un."

Sasori and Nolena stare at Deidara.

"Um, wouldn't that destroy the whole point of calling it a hideout?"

"Shut up, un."

She giggles at that and Sasori sighs.

"He is too blonde to know what he is saying sometimes."

"But you love me! Un!"

Sasori allows a small smile and pets his blonde's head. They finish preparing their meals and sit at the table in the dinning hall.

"Are you and Itachi-san a couple?"

"Um, no."

"Then why do Sasori no Dana and I always see you walking around with hickeys on your neck. I swear that we've seen you two doing it in a dark corner, un."

Red was always a good color on Nolena, just not now.

"Friends with benefits?"

"I never thought Itachi-san to be the type to go for a girl considering her acts like one most of the time."

"According to a um, rather large part of his anatomy he isn't."

"How big is he!? Un."

She flushes red again.

"S-shut up, this is embarrassing."

"You brought it up, now tell us!"

"Why do you want to know!?"

"Cause I've wanted to fuck him for like ever!"

"HEY! Un."

"Sorry but I know you want to too. It doesn't matter how much of a jerk he is, he is drop dead fucking gorgeous. Have you seen him in the shower!? I mean I've only seen his upper half but god, I love to watch him walk."

"You spy on me in the shower?" comes a voice.

They all turn and look to the entrance to see Itachi Uchiha standing there in all his Akatsuki uniformed glory. Chikara standing at his heel.

"Hi Itachi-kun."

"Um, hey Itachi-san."

The weasel walks over and sits beside Nolena and across from Sasori, who sat next to Deidara. Chikara lays at his feet.

"Sasori no Dana said he wants to fuck you! Un."

"SHHHHH!"

"Nice to know I have more fan-boys in Akatsuki…"

The sex god rolls his eyes and looks to Nolena.

"What happened to your head um, and your neck?" He looks at the dark bruises there.

"I fell. OW! SASORI-SAN!"

The girl screamed at him for slamming his heel into her foot. She then kicks him in his shin.

"Ow! Bitch." They glare at each other. Sasori silently telling her to tell the truth.

"Ok then, what really happened?"

"Why do you care?"

There is a long silence with everyone staring at Nolena.

"Come here you." Itachi grabs a fist full of her hair and begins dragging her away. All the while she is struggling to get away. Weasel boy then begins interrogating and yelling at her.

The two friends argued and yelled about the past five months and about everything with the Leader for nearly an hour on the outside of the dinning hall. Sasori and Deidara had gathered by the door to listen better. The whole episode ends up with the two hugging and Nolena crying into his shoulder.

Too emotional for Double S ranked missing Nins.

"Are you two done screaming at each other? Un."

"Yea I want to leave at some point and not through the window."

Itachi then notices they were standing in the middle of the doorway and steps aside. The other two leave.

"Will you tell me everything that happens from now on?"

She nods into his shoulder.

"And stop being so creepily obedient?"

She laughs and nods into his shoulder again.

"Let's get you cleaned up."

Itachi keeps an arm around her and leads her to their room.

**

* * *

(-Itachi's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

I have five words to describe how I feel.

I. Will. Kill. That. Bastard.

I finally am able to have some alone time with her and I discover this! Someone kill me this is stressful…

Wait…that would be stupid…SEE!!! SEE WHAT THIS GIRL HAS DONE TO ME!? I HAVE FEELINGS NOW AND I'M BECOMING STUPID!!! WTF…

I open the door to our room to walk in, but neither of us do that.

"Nolena-kun, I don't want you anywhere near The Leader. Keep away from him as much as possible."

"You want him gone right?" she asks me.

"Most people do. Why?"

I nearly freak out when I see a bloodthirsty leer jump onto her face.

"What the fuck are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that we are going to cause Leader's down fall."

I stare at her in amazement as she walks into the bedroom. What could she be thinking?

* * *

**-TBC-**

(0)Um…yea…I think Leader is the Yondami and Naruto's daddy. He is partially possessed by Kyuubi and it's his evil part. What I'm saying is that when he sealed the demon inside Naruto he probably had to seal part in himself because the soul was to large. But in this story he has the evil and enraged part of the demon inside him and also giving him power. This is why his eyes are red.

**A/N:** YAY!!!!!!! Do you like the first bit of part one? Lol… I like this one. HEY!!! I'll give a cookie to anyone who can figure out what is going to happen!!! –Smirkle-

**PLEASE REVIEW IT ONLY TAKES 60 SECONDS TO SPEAK YOUR OPINION**


	13. Insert subtitle here

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen To Us**

**A/N:** uh…chapter…13! -Smiles- Good chapter and welcome to chapter 13.

**Note:** Kisame x Itachi!!! FINALY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY! –Cough- It's really cute how it happens…I wanted some cuteness to happen lately…

**Warning:** no lemon…just a little lime…

**Warning 2:** It's a bit rushed but I want to get it out of the way

**Note 2:** I have nothing else to say.

* * *

_**Last Time: **_

_I nearly freak out when I see a bloodthirsty leer jump onto her face._

"_What the fuck are you thinking?"_

"_I'm thinking that we are going to cause Leader's down fall."_

* * *

**This Time:**

The Key:

**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech"

* * *

**Chapter THIRTEEN: -Insert subtitle here-**

**(-Akatsuki dinning hall-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)**

Two days after the Ex-Goddess had made her statement, Itachi had become on full alert as to when it would begin. He hadn't allowed her to go see the Leader and made sure he was with him at all times. While they spent time together making up the past five months, their bond reformed as strong as ever.

Now Itachi watch as she was writing calculations in an extremely foreign writing made up of odd shaped characters and numbers. What could she really be planning?

"What are you doing Nolena-kun?" Itachi asks her.

"I'm working sweetie, go back to your breakfast." She says to him with out looking up.

"Um, I'd rather know what you're doing first."

"Well- Hey look, Kisame is here."

Both look to the dinning hall door and at the tall Akatsuki cloak clad man who is looking around the room at the rest of the members except Leader. Itachi swallows hard, his body shivers momentarily in fear.

"Itachi-kun, go talk to him."

"But-"

"I need you to do this, just go make up with him and don't fight…please." She whispers.

"Nolena-kun…I don't want to!" he whispers harshly.

"I'll tell you what this says." She gestures to the large piece of paper in front of her.

"But-"

"JUST GO!" She yells at him.

"Yes ma'am…" He gets up from his seat and heads over to Kisame, his stomach churning and twisting painfully with each step. The girl's eyes follow him before focusing on her work.

**

* * *

(-Kisame's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

I watch nervously as the smaller man walks towards me from his seat and stops right in front of me with his head bowed.

When he moves his head to look up at me I am almost lost by his beauty, the beauty I hadn't been able to see in months.

"Can we talk in private?" he asks me quietly.

I nod and we go to the lounge room and flip on the light.

"I-"

"Well-"

We both try at the same time and look away from each, so I gesture for him to begin. He looks back up at me and speaks; his voice a bit shaky.

"I-I'm sorry Kisame-san." He turns his face away from me, as if he was ashamed or scared that I'll…hurt him…like last time.

"Itachi-san, you have nothing to apologize for, I should apologize. You did not deserve what I did to you." I say to him, my fist clenches on unclenches.

"I was just so jealous over something ridiculous because I didn't know when to stop teasing you. I know she is your best friend, and that you two probably fool around like some friends' do, but I could live with it now. At least now that I understand, you're not use to having so many people care for you, so you take advantage of it."

I look at my love and wait for a reply and it takes a few moments before he finally answers.

"I know I didn't deserve to be hurt by you but I shouldn't have gone off on you because I wasn't getting my way; you deserve an apology as well."

I stare at the smaller man before me. I could not believe it; he was apologizing for his wrongs and wasn't being forced. Well, maybe he was forced to speak to me over this, but it seems like his words are coming from his heart.

"Itachi…"

"I know, it is unlike me to act like this but…"

Is he reading my mind? Are my feelings so obvious?

"I could only act like this because I care about you, so much it hurts. My feelings haven't changed for you and the answer will remain the same. I…I love you and I understand if you'd rather remain as acquaintances because our relationship seems like it was a mere coincidence."

My eyes widen and I pull Itachi to me and press my lips to his, pouring my feelings into our kiss. He doesn't respond but I know he wants to. I pull away.

"There's a fine line between coincidence and fate, Koi. I think our relationship was real and meant to be. Just the way fate is."

Itachi stares up at me his eyes widen a little then close completely and he bows his head a little.

"Is that how you really feel?"

My lips curve into a smile.

"Always."

"Then it makes me want to try again."

"I am willing to make this try better."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

I lean down and claim his lips again this time he responds, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and mine around his thin waist. Our tongues dance in a passion I hadn't felt in the longest time, I carefully note to keep my sharp teeth from his delicious, delicate tongue.

When we do pull away we stare at each other then I just pull him to me and hold him close, basking in the warmth of his delicate body. I feel like crying so I let a few tears fall on top of his ebony locks.

"I've missed you so much Koi…don't leave me again. I love you too much."

There is a small silence and a gentle kiss placed on my neck.

"I promise."

**(-Nolena's and Itachi's Room-) (-Normal P.O.V.-) **

"Thank Madam Celeste that is over, I couldn't stand you two fighting! You're too cute together."

"Thank you Nolena-sama."

"It's just Nolena now, I lost the title so I don't deserve the formality."

"You're still the same evil goddess who gets into everyone's business to me."

"Love you too Kisame-kun."

"Hey! He's mine!"

"Shut up Itachi, I'm not gonna steal your boyfriend."

"Better not…"

"So I guess you wont need me anymore will you."

Nolena doesn't look up and writes down more information on her notepad as she speaks.

"What do you mean?"

"Itachi-kun, you've been completely attached to me ever since you two had that fight. I had to console you in whatever way you wanted, not that I minded it…but it seems that since you have each other now I don't need to interfere."

Itachi looks to Kisame who nods to approval. He gets up off his seat and sits beside Nolena and kisses her gently.

"You will always be special to me Nolena-kun, you were the first girl that wasn't a scary fan girl and you cared for me; you're my best friend. You will not be allowed to leave my life, do you understand?" Itachi playfully orders her.

She smiles then kisses him sweetly and hugs him.

"I love you too, Itachi-kun."

She stands up and kisses Kisame on the cheek then heads to the door. The men stare at her confused.

"Where are you going Nolena-sama?"

"To pretend to be Leader's loyal follower." She walks out closing the door behind her.

Itachi and Kisame stare at the door not sure whether to worry or not.

Chikara barks loudly and they pat attention to him.

"Itachi-koi…when did you get a pet wolf?"

"My birthday, his name is Chikara."

"How sweet."

"I know."

**

* * *

(-Leader's Office-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

"Leader-san?" The girl opens the door and peers through it. "May I come in?"

"Hm, what do you want brat?" He doesn't even look up until he hears something hit the ground.

Nolena had gotten to her knees and bowed, lowly till her forehead was lain on her arms.

"Please forgive my insubordination, I understand that you are my master and I wish to do anything for your forgiveness."

The Leader looks up and gazes at her bowed form with his crimson eyes and smirks widely.

"So you finally broke, you understand your place do you? I guess you didn't like me hurting you."

"Yes Master."

"Good girl, now come here."

A smirk places across her face briefly then fades as she stands and walks over and around the desk before standing before him.

The ex-Yondaime stands and backs her up against the wall and she doesn't resist but keeps her eyes on him with a mellow face. Leader's hand comes up and gently grasps her chin raising it to him and he leans in close.

"You are mine and I believe you know what I want." His red eyes shine brilliantly.

"Yes Master."

"Then show me like a good whore."

_I'm going to kill myself for this but it's part of the plan…I must keep him thinking what he wants to think even if it means giving it up to him. He is smart but not so much to realize **my** plans._

Nolena leans up and kisses him, parting his lips and rubbing her tongue gently against his own. Her hands in his hair as she gives him a passionate kiss, his own hands slipping under her shirt beginning to slip it off and she refrains from attacking him. His body grinds into hers as he begins stripping her and she brings one hand down to undress his own body.

The Leader takes the girl and claims her as his own…

**

* * *

(-Two weeks later-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)**

* * *

Leader twirls Nolena's hair in his hand as he continues reading the paper before him. Nolena sitting in front of him on the edge of the desk with her legs crossed and dangling over the side.

It has been two weeks since the first encounter and many had followed keeping the Leader happy. The silver haired woman would spend a good four hours in the room with him at a time; twice a day while he worked to keep him that way.

"Brat, be a good girl and get us something to eat."

"Yes Master." She gets off his desk to leave but he pulls the lock of long hair he had in his fingers gently; making her turn to face him.

"Come here." A smirk lands on his face yet again and he pulls her down for a searing kiss.

"Now you can leave." She smiles and leaves him going to the dinning hall.

The second she gets half way down the hall she stops smiling and shudders. She then mutters to herself aloud.

"Gets creepier everyday…"

"NOLENA-KUN!!!!!!! UN!" suddenly a blonde thing pounces on her taking her to the ground.

"Deidara-kun! How are you?" She is now being snuggled by the feminine blonde and a red head walks over picking the blonde up and holding him back.

"He just proved to Kisame-san that he could eat the WHOLE triple layer death by chocolate cake…"

Deidara shakes and jitters and his eyes dart everywhere at the mention of the cake.

Nolena picks her self of the ground.

"Did you Deidara?"

The blonde nods proudly and latches onto Sasori cuddling him.

"Oh dear god…Sasori you should-"

The girl stops speaking to look into a dark corner of the hall by the entrance to the main room where Itachi is hiding. He widely gestures for her to come over. So Nolena turns over to Sasori and Deidara.

"Um…I'll see you guys later…"

Sasori stares at her questionably but shakes his head and drags his boyfriend away.

When she gets near Itachi she is pulled into the main room and then a closet and the door is shut.

"What the hell Itachi!?"

"He asked me to make love with him! Two weeks since we got back together and he thinks we're okay enough to have sex!"

"Well...um do you want to?"

"YES!"

"Then why are you panicking?"

"Because what if we have another fight and then never get back together!?"

"Ok Itachi, what did you say to him when he asked?"

"Uh…I kind of just ran away…"

"Idiot."

"Sorry for freaking out! I've been so not myself ever since he and I got back together with Kisame and I stopped cutting-I mean…uh…" Itachi's eyes couldn't have gotten wider when he noticed his slip up.

Nolena's eyes were wide as well and then she was angry.

"You. Did. WHAT!?"

"I didn't say anything!" Itachi tries to escape but Nolena pounces on his pinning him to the ground.

"Don't you dare move." She then takes off his cloak and rips off his shit. Her claws quickly slice off the white bandages wrapped around both arms. Nolena gasps when she see the white scars all over both his arms and some old cuts that are still red and scabbed over. His beautiful skin marred.

"Why? Itachi, tell me why! Why would you hurt yourself!?"

"Because you weren't always there to stop the pain! It was unbearable!"

This is when her tears start falling, she was crying for him; her best friend and she felt as if she failed him.

"I-I'm so sorry Itachi-kun…I wish you told me, I could have helped you. Why'd you have to hurt yourself?"

The Uchiha lays on his back as the girl straddling his hips cried for him. He didn't move, just stared at the ceiling of the closet, his arms at his side limply. He finally sighs and pulls her down on top of him hugging her.

"Calm down, it's not your fault. This has to be the third problem we've had this week."

"I feel like I've failed you as a friend."

"You could never do that…you've done so much for me already. I have Kisame back and my brother doesn't hate me anymore. That was all you."

"But-" Itachi presses a finger to her lips.

"Sh…"

They lay there for a while before she gasps loudly and jumps up.

"I gotta go! I promised Leader-san I would get him his food and I don't him to loose trust in me!"

"God…forget him and stay here. I was just getting horny."

"You have Kisame for that!"

"That's different! It's fun with you, but with Kisame it's making love!"

**…**

"Deal with it!" She runs out of the closet to do her chore.

Itachi lays there and sighs.

"Well…that's unfair…"

**

* * *

(-Two days later-) (-Nolena's P.O.V.-)

* * *

**

I lean my body over Leader's desk and look at him as he tries to do work and smile.

"Arashi-kun…"

"I told you not to call me that brat."

"But I have a favor to ask." He sighs and looks up at me leaning his head on his hand. He has been calmer lately and hasn't been cruel to me for the past couple of days.

"What is it dear?" I find it cute when he calls me that but it is kinda creepy…

"I want to go to Konoha and make a truce with them so that we can move more freely."

"That is a big decision, when did you figure you could think up things for me to do? I'm in charge not you."

_Not for long…_ is the thought that crosses through my mind.

"But I thought you'd like my idea! That's why I asked you about it."

"Well…what did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking that if we could get into Konoha and have their trust we could steal their secrets with more ease. The alliance would help so much!"

He smiles and pets my face gently then kisses me lightly on the lips.

"My pet is brilliant, good girl. Take Itachi, Kisame, Sasori and Deidara with you. Knowing Konoha, they will want five representatives present. I'm busy here."

"Yes Master." He chuckles and then kisses me again and slips his tongue in this time. I respond as if I'm grateful to be so close to him. He tells me all the time I'm his most favorite whore that he's ever had.

If this were the real Arashi I would probably fall for him. But this is an evil demon possessing his body that sometimes sleeps so I can see the real Arashi. This man would probably be kind, sweet and loyal since he so selflessly gave his life for his people and if Kyuubi's rage and sadistic thoughts weren't sealed inside him he'd be that way.

I can only imagine how his son would have ended up if all of Kyuubi's soul were inside him.

When I remove the soul he will revert back to the way he was. I hope. Then I'm gonna smex him because he is hot, I have a thing for blondes...Dear god. I AM TURNING INTO A PERVERT HERE!

I squeak quietly into the kiss as he lifts me over the desk and into his lap. He wants sex almost as much as Itachi, but no one wanted it more than him. I might as well make him happy and be excited about it.

He is complying with my plan rather easily…does he know what I'm doing?

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **only 10 pages…but I don't wanna rush it any more than I am! I'm running out of stuff to talk about! I really hate being descriptive about it too, but I'm making it lengthy and informative. I wonder if anyone can guess what I'm going to do next, It's obvious but not. Tell me what you think.

Oh, and I was wondering. Nolena X Arashi or what? ((I never planned to kill him in the first place. I want Naruto to be with his daddy!)) I had Nolena X Arashi in my original role play and I was planning on keeping it. So what do you think?

Thanks for reading! I love my fans.

**REVIEW! IT TAKES 60 SECONDS TO VOICE YOUR OPINION!**


	14. We're Not insane I swear

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen To Us**

**A/N:** Um…hi everyone…-distracted- I'm gonna skip all the extra crap and go right to the story today…

**Note:** Ya know…I'm still shocked that I'm 16, a big pervert who writes lots of porn, watches porn and still is a virgin…-sighs- I have the hots for my own brother…gawd…I should go to church to see if the holy water will stop that last part…-frowns- Please do read the chapter…don't even ask about my sanity…

* * *

_**Last Time:**_

_He is complying with my plan rather easily…does he know what I'm doing?_

**This Time:**

The Key:

**Bold is for whatever…**

"These are for speech"

* * *

**Chapter FOURTEEN: **We're not insane, I swear.

**(-1 day later: Leaving Akatsuki-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)**

"ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!UN!" an excited blonde cheers as they walk through the forest; beginning their journey to Konoha.

"SHUT UP!" comes the reply of Sasori, Kisame and Itachi.

"DON'T YELL AT ME! UN!"

"Aw…it's ok Deidara-kun, they just jealous cause you have more energy than them." The only female in the group smiles at the blonde; consoling him. Deidara grins and runs ahead giggling.

"Nolena-san…DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!!" the blonde mans red headed partner screams at the girl.

Nolena giggles and shakes her head and runs after Deidara; playing with him. The blonde encourages her to play a game of tag.

"That girl is getting on my last nerves."

"You're the one who wants to bang her anyway." Itachi chimes in from beside Kisame, who is holding his hand.

He'd talked to Kisame with a blush on his face about how he wanted to wait before having sex. Kisame laughed at him; Itachi kicked him in the shin and made up; they lived happily ever after. If life were a fairy tail that may be true but this is a fan fiction and it shall never happen for I am the writer!

"Shut up Itachi-san! I don't even understand why Leader-sama told us to go on this trip to Konoha in the first place! What could he possibly need all five of us to do?"

"Ask the team leader over there." Itachi points at Nolena.

He himself had no clue as to why they were going either. Although he figured she suckered the Leader into some part of her plan; the one his best friend still hasn't told him about. Every time he asked her she would just smile and say, "You'll see."

"But she wont tell us anything!"

"Sasori-san…we just left ten minutes ago, we don't need to fight."

"Stuff it Kisame! I'll fight with Itachi bastard all I want!"

Deidara tags Sasori and hides behind Kisame to say something.

"But you want to fuck Itachi-san! Remember!? Un."

He runs off leaving a blushing redhead, a shocked brunet and a jealous blue-haired man.

"I thought that was a joke!"

"Sorry Itachi-san I- uh…COME HERE DEIDARA I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"NO TAG BACKS! UN!"

"I'M NOT GOING TO TAG YOU!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME!?" The blonde was so scarred about being chased by his Dana that he forgot to use his normal ending.

"I'M GOING TO RIP OUT YOUR VOICE BOX! OW!" The redhead falls to the ground on his face after the silver-haired woman had tripped him. She giggles and runs off.

"Run Deidara! He's gonna kill someone!"

"NO!!!!!! UN!"

"Dear god our team leader is an idiot." Weasel boy watches as the three "ninja" if you could even call them that; run around like idiots.

"You noticed this now Itachi-Koi?"

"No…just didn't want to admit it…"

The blue-haired man snickers agreeing and his love shoves him.

"Only I can make fun of her!"

"Jeeze…sorry." He crosses his arms and pouts.

"You better be." Suddenly Deidara tags Itachi.

"You're it! Un!"

"I refuse to play such a degrading game."

"But Itachi-san! Un!"

"No."

"Itachi-kun! Play with us!"

"You are making a fool of yourself Nolena-kun."

"I always do baka."

"Nice that you noticed."

"Bite me!"

"I already did!" Itachi smirks at the girl and Nolena flushes red and glares at him.

"Don't embarrass me you idiot!"

"You can do that very well by your self."

"SHUT UP!" Nolena tackles him and the two begin wrestling pinning one another until Itachi stops her.

"Ow! That is my hair baka! Stop pulling it!" Nolena was pinning down her best friend but he had grabbed a lock of hair and began pulling it harshly.

"No. You are being a brat."

"SCREW YOU!"

"Later."

Nolena flushes red again and jumps off dragging Itachi up with her because he still had a grip on her hair.

"Stop embarrassing me!" she begins walking away dragging Itachi with her for a moment before he lets go. He then hugs her and kisses her cheek and she smiles at him; then they keep walking forward side by side.

"I never get tired of watching those two fight Kisame-san."

"It's still weird for me…to see Itachi-koi so playful and childish."

"At least he is happy right?"

"Yea…" Kisame smiles to himself and walks with Sasori who had stopped chasing his blonde out of annoyance.

**

* * *

(-Going through Sound Village!-)

* * *

**

"I really don't wanna be here…" Itachi states

"Why not? Un."

"Orochimaru; our old member, lives in this country, he is the Kage here; remember?" The eldest Uchiha throws back.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Sasori asks.

"If you were too stupid to notice, the man kept trying to molest me up until he left the organization." Itachi shudders in remembrance.

"I remember the one time when he tried to kiss you, you kicked him in the balls."

Itachi shudders and draws his arms inside his cloak; clutching himself secretly.

"Ew…"

"Itachi-san...you're shaking, un."

"Shut up!" Itachi blushes lightly and trudges ahead, ready to unleash his deadly glare on anyone who dared to cross his path. The he walks past Orochimaru who was leaning against a tree…wait Orochimaru?

"Nice to see you so soon Uchiha-kun kukukuku…" the snake man smiles perversely at the other brunet.

Itachi prevents himself from shivering again and turns around glaring his famous Uchiha glare.

"Orochimaru."

"Lovely day isn't it?"

"What the hell do you want?"

Orochimaru pushes off the tree and approaches Itachi while sliding his long tongue out making a sucking sound.

"You of course, kukukuku."

Itachi rolls his eyes in disgust. He does not move when Orochimaru steps up a foot before him. He simply glares as the other man smirks at him with lust in his eyes.

The two other members watch in disgust trusting Itachi to stop him. Deidara and Nolena are nowhere to be seen.

Itachi forces himself not to respond when the elder man moves one more foot (his actual foot) forward and places a hand on his cheek. Orochimaru begins to lean in for a kiss, this is when Itachi begins to raises his left leg to kick him again.

"TAG, YOUR IT! UN!" All of a sudden the snake man is shoved to the ground and a smiling blonde standing above him.

"I got him Nolena-kun, un! But he isn't happy and I don't think he wants to play, un."

Nolena jumps down from the tree above giggling. She had told the clueless…blonde to tag the perverted man and see if he wants to play.

"I guess he doesn't but it was worth a shot, ne?"

"Hai, hai Un." Deidara smiles.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR YOU BLONDE FOOL!?"

The blonde becomes teary-eyed.

"Sasori no Dana! The snake man is being mean to me! Un!" He runs to Sasori and hugs him, the red head smirks and hugs him back.

"So you're the pervert Itachi-kun told me about."

Orochimaru gets to his feet glaring harshly.

"May I ask who you would be?"

"Nolena-kun! Itachi-kun's besterestest friend ever!" She hugs said man tightly.

The long tongued man raises an eyebrow.

"Really now?"

Nolena remembers something Itachi had told her and begins fawning over the older man.

"Dude you have an awesome tongue! And you have gorgeous hair! Do you have a six-pack? You are so adorable!" She hugs him; drawing him into her large bust line.

Orochimaru begins to then freak out, squirming in her grasp.

"GET HER OFF ME!!! KABUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A silver haired boy comes out of nowhere and spots the two.

"What?" he pushes his glasses up his nose like the nerd he is.

Oro-chan squirms more.

"There is a woman hugging me! Get it away!!!"

"Why?"

"Well for one reason…I am gay! And two IT BURNS!!!!!!"

"How can a woman's touch burn you?" Kabuto laughs as Oro struggles hard to get away from the girl petting his long black hair.

"Aw…does Oreo-chan no like Nolena's touch?" her hands continue to stroke his upper body in a loving way.

"Get off!"

"Nolena-sama…what are you doing?"

"Itachi-kun told me a while ago that this guy is so gay, it's as if a woman's touch would literally hurt him. I guess it is true! BUT HE IS ADORABLE!!!" Nolena hugs the snake man tighter and he cries out.

"Nolena-kun."

"Yes Itachi-kun?"

"Drop the snaky you don't know where it's been."

Nolena drops him and jumps onto Itachi again, being childish again. She snuggles his arm and he sighs.

"Orochimaru-sama."

"What Kabuto?"

"You just made a fool of yourself."

"Shut up Kabuto."

"Yes master."

Nolena starts laughing at them.

"Ok Team! Let's leave the dynamic losers to themselves and continue forward!"

"I WILL GET YOUR SEXY BODY FOR MYSELF SOMEDAY UCHIHA!" Orochimaru yells and leaves, Kabuto following.

* * *

(A/N: ok…I'm done with the ridiculous part of the chapter…moving on…)

* * *

"Look Sushi! Can we get Sushi Nolena-sama!?" the other Akatsuki members stare at the shark man and step away.

"Yes?" Kisame smiles widely and runs to the sushi bar. Nolena turns and whispers to the rest of the gang.

"Pretend like we don't know him." The others nod in agreement and stop for lunch.

**

* * *

(-In the sushi bar-) (A/N: sorry but I'm lazy and distracted today…)

* * *

**

"If we run for the rest of the day we can make it by nightfall." Sasori states before sipping his tea. The others refused to eat because of watching Kisame devour plate after plate of sushi; even Nolena refused.

"And why would we wanna do that? We would just tire ourselves." Nolena replies before sipping her sake; her mood had mellowed out and is much calmer.

"Well, if you would tell us why we are going there in the first place; I might be able to think of something! We are your "teammates" and we have the right to know what we are being involved in!" the redhead slams his now empty cup on the table.

"What are you hiding from us!?"

Nolena ignores him and sips her alcoholic beverage.

"Itachi-san! Make the wench talk!"

"I wouldn't talk like that if I were you Sasori no Dana, un."

"Why n- OW!" the "wench" had kicked him in his shin; hard.

"Your own fault." Itachi says before stealing some of his friend's sake.

"Evil bitch." He mutters under his breath.

"The Leader will not have reign for much longer." She says plainly and sips the last of the sake from the bottle.

"What is that suppose to mean?"

Nolena says nothing to that but stands saying that it was time to leave and places money on the table for the food and drinks.

Sasori glares after the girl but follows the rest of the Akatsuki members.

**

* * *

(-Whoopee for Konoha! Dawn-) (-Still the same P.O.V. as last time-)

* * *

**

"Will you tell us why we are here now!?"

Sasori was getting on the Team Leader's last nerve but she kept her cool, they were less than a mile from their destination and all of them were clueless as to why they were there. Just the way Nolena had wanted it.

"Let's see, what was my answer for the past million times you asked?"

"No?"

"Exactly."

The red head growls and screams at her.

"THE HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO!? I DON'T LIKE WAITING!"

"Sasori no Dana, please don't get Nolena-kun mad, un."

"Why are you defending her!?"

"Because you've been complaining this whole trip!" Kisame yells at the red head.

"I DIDN'T ASK YOU!"

Nolena and Itachi stare from the sidelines and watch them fight.

"Why am I always paired with idiots?"

"I wish I knew Itachi-kun."

"Let's just leave and maybe they wont follow…"

"If only we'd be that lucky…"

Weasel boy and Demon girl walk away. After five minutes the other three realize what happened and run after them.

When they arrive at the gate there is a bunch of scrambling and panic from the other side when the Jounin on duty called down that they were about to be ambushed by Akatsuki. The Akatsuki members just hang around until the elite members arrived.

A group of random ANBU steps forward preparing to attack. When a couple of the Akatsuki (except Itachi and Deidara) were about to attack they nearly fall over themselves in shock when Nolena tells them to stand down.

"If we aren't going to attack and kill them like we should, then why are we here!?" Sasori screams at the team leader.

"You know…yelling threats isn't going to help the alliance I was planning on."

Sasori and Kisame gape at her and Deidara scratches his head. Itachi eyes her questionably wondering if this was part of her plan.

"Aniki!" Itachi looks past the group of ninja's to see his little brother push through and walk over; ignoring Kakashi's order to not attack. (Which he isn't…stupid scarecrow.)

"Ototo, pleasure to see you again as always." The rest of ninja's stare in shock when the younger Uchiha stands beside his brother with out any revenge evident in his eyes.

"Enough of the reminiscing boys; we'd like to speak with the Hokage."

The blonde Hokage brings herself to the front and glares angrily.

"What do you want with us? Are you after the Nine Tails again?"

Nolena rolls her eyes.

"Does anyone listen to the words that come from my mouth? I said we were here to make an alliance."

The blonde glares.

"Fine, but you will be held under arrest in my office during our meeting. There are warrants out for all of you. ANBU arrest them."

The ANBU move into do their job but back off a bit when the rest move to attack.

"Boys, just let them." Nolena says to the Akatsuki men and they all but comply thinking her to be insane. This causes her to become angry.

"DO IT OR I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" Itachi sighs and obeys her, noting to talk to her. The others do as well but Sasori raises a fit. Nolena rolls her eyes and allows an ANBU member to link cuffs on her wrists.

"What the hell is wrong with you!? You are getting us arrested!"

"…Can someone shut him up? I had to listen to him bitch about the whole fucking trip!" The ANBU holding his chains knocks him out with out a thought and picks him up.

"Nolena-kun…if whatever is going on fails and we end up in jail, I am going to kill you."

"Shut up Itachi-kun. I don't want you to embarrass yourself in front of your brother..." A smirk sets on her face and then she nods to the Hokage and they leave.

**

* * *

(-Hokage Tower-)

* * *

**

After everyone entered the room the silver haired girl turns to the Hokage.

"Release us and tell your guards to leave."

The blonde woman nods to the ANBU and they do as told. The Akatsuki men rub their wrists after being released. Nolena mutters a spell in Latin and the walls, floor and ceiling become black like a void. The Hokage and Itachi are the only ones not freaking out about falling through the ground.

"Now that we are alone, I'd like you to read this it explains the alliance. It is from our Leader, he was busy and couldn't go. We can negotiate."

After reading the paper, the Hokage or Tsunade stares at the signature; unable to read the name.

"I do not like the terms, if we are going to be allied I believe we deserve to know of your movements and plans. I also want access to information on other countries and organizations. I would also like to have a meeting with the Leader and know his reasons and intentions personally. We also deserve to know of your hideouts whereabouts. What does he mean by "full protection and loyalty of Konoha ninjas' whenever desired"? Also why would he request to _me_ about the charges on the members to be dropped?"

"Let's see, depending on what we are planning you may know. The access to information with a written pass will be allowed as long as it is vice versa. No, you will not be meeting with our Leader unless you would like to become a member. I'll explain to you where the hideout is later. What he means is that we promise to serve you if you do the same for us. If we are to become your allies, I don't think we want to risk our lives because of some bounty."

The blonde woman sits at her desk sighing and rubbing her temples.

"How do I know we can trust this?"

Nolena walks over and leans over the desk before her whispering into her ear.

"Because it will help bring the Leader to his knees." A sadistic smirk plays across her face. The blonde stares at her in shock.

"Why would you be planning that against your own leader?" she whispered back.

"Because he is far more evil than us, even by our standards and he needs to be stopped. Do we have an agreement Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade studies the girls face for a moment searching for truth before nodding.

"Then sign." Nolena turns the paper towards her and Tsunade signs it gracefully.

"The other members need to sign as well…"

"Takahashi, Nolena."

"Takahashi-san."

The girl signs the paper and the other four men sign as well. Sasori fights it before agreeing. He had woken up not too long ago and was very angry, no one paid attention to his ranting though.

"Thank you for your cooperation Tsunade-sama, if you don't mind we'd like to request a place to stay for the rest of this week to rest before heading home."

"Fine, I will have an ANBU escort you to a hotel."

"Actually, I'd rather have Sasuke-san and Naruto-kun do it."

The blonde's eyes narrow slightly in confusion of the request.

"Fine."

"Thank you." Nolena says another spell and the room returns to the way it was. An ANBU is sent to find Naruto and Sasuke.

Tsunade eyes Nolena as she smirks to herself at how easily it was going.

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

**A/N:** Happy? It was OOC, mainly a filler chapter and shit but w/e…deal! um…I forgot to mention that Itachi _JUST_ turned 21, 5 months ago and it is nearing winter. Kyuubi is brought into the next chapter. I may be moving this quicker than I thought so the second Saga may be shorter than the first.

**Review. It makes me happy inside.**


	15. Man Hunt

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen To Us**

**A/N: **You have any idea how pissed off I am at this story? I want to kill it because it has/had a Mary-sue in the beginning making people not like it. If you want me to continue give me a lemon cookie. I'm sick of my Mary-sue and I didn't even put her like that on purpose. –Is sad- I am a hypocrite. **Why the fuck do I keep updating it?**

I also pissed at because it keeps fucking up my story and things I have put go missing. Also, who ever keeps hacking into my account and fucking with the chapters of all my stories…I would like you to stop or I will find you and upload every virus I know into your computer.

* * *

**Last Time: **

"_Fine, I will have an ANBU escort you to a hotel."_

"_Actually, I'd rather have Sasuke-san and Naruto-kun do it."_

_The blonde's eyes narrow slightly in confusion of the request._

"_Fine."_

"Thank you." _Nolena says another spell and the room returns to the way it was. An ANBU is sent to find Naruto and Sasuke._

_Tsunade eyes Nolena as she smirks to herself at how easily it was going. _

_Stage two complete._

**This Time:**

**Chapter FIFTEEN: Man Hunt**

**(-Akatsuki Hide out-) (-Leader/ Kyuubi's P.O.V.-) (The evil part)**

This wolf pup continuously watches me. Why on earth did the Uchiha leave it with me?

He just sits there at my door entrance while I work (fool around), and follows me when I leave to get food or use the restroom.

What was it's name? Cedar… Charka…Chikara!

Well he makes me paranoid. I feel as if I do anything it'll just snap at me.

Did I mention I hate wolves? I do not get along with them. They would always bite my tails, when I encountered them. Foxes may be decedents of the same animal, as wolves but it doesn't mean anything. That is why I enjoy tearing them limb from limb!

I would try it on this one but I don't have my claws or teeth because of this blasted human body. I can't even transform the body.

Why does he get to do the fun stuff anyway?

Stupid bastard, I enjoy influencing his thoughts and dreams. So enjoyable to give him such vivid and false nightmares of me tearing humans limb from limb and destroying the villages that never existed. How I wish I really could have done those things.

The most enjoyable part is being able to control his thought pattern and making him say things he normally wouldn't.

It is disgusting when he does things to my Master, how weak she has become. I miss torturing her because ever since she decided to become agreeable with my vessels wishes he stopped hurting her. It is unfair that I could not completely control his thoughts; at least he has become somewhat evil on his own. The one time when he poisoned her made my blood rush.

The magic of my influences is delicious.

Damn it, the stupid human is hungry, might as well let him take over…

**(-Training Grounds-) (-Nolena's P.O.V.-)**

I have been very depressed over the four days we've been in Konoha. Everyone is busy and I normally end up getting to know Tsunade-sama. She is quite nice, and a good drinking buddy.

Itachi is bonding with his brother by instructing him how to appropriately beat someone into the ground as apposed to yesterdays lesson of decapitating someone.

Sasori and Deidara are always either making out or debating about art.

Kisame normally just relaxes while watching Itachi and Sasuke.

Naruto watches Itachi and Sasuke with Kisame or goes off and trains with Kakashi and Sakura.

All of my friends seem to be avoiding each other and me.

A couple of ANBU always watch us; they think they could overpower us.

I am always sitting by myself lately; completely ignored. This calls for some entertainment, I'll wait till it's dark.

**(-Nightfall-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)**

When everyone was about to leave as the suns last few rays of light dimmed behind the trees; Nolena stops them.

"Who wants to play a game!?"

The Akatsuki group plus Sasuke and Naruto and minus Deidara stare at her oddly.

"Nolena-sama, it is dark; what game could we possibly play?"

A grin ascends to her lips.

"Man Hunt!"

She smirks wider when the Missing Nins' eyes light up at the name of the game.

"Is that a yes?"

They all nod.

"I'll explain then. Everyone will first draw straws to find out who will be the Seeker. Whoever gets the short straw will be 'it' and have to find everyone. The rest of us will be given a five-minute head start to hide in the ten-mile diameter limit before the Seeker goes after us. You must tag each person you find and the last person to be found is the next Seeker. Get it?"

Sounds of agreement are heard and Nolena brings out straws cutting them to different sizes and makes sure she has a 'shortest one'. Once mixed up she passes them out and they compare.

"Damn it to hell. I don't want to be it." Everyone laughs at Sasori making him snarl in response.

"Aw don't worry Dana, we'll go easy on you, un."

"Shut up Deidara! I do not need you people to go easy on me! All of you can do whatever you want and I will find you! Let's start."

Nolena shakes her head and laughs.

"You have to wait five minutes. Let the game begin!"

Everyone does one jutsu or another and vanishes; leaving Sasori standing by himself.

After a five-minute wait the red head darts of into the dark forestation in search of his comrades.

Deidara and his new friend Naruto; somehow ended up hiding together, concealed by a camouflage jutsu which causes their bodies to blend in with their surroundings. Even though they had this they sat under a bush as they quietly talked about their boyfriends.

Kisame had decided to use his water skills and hid in the lake by one of the training grounds, chasing the fish that swam by him as he waited to be found.

Mini Uchiha used his own concealing jutsu to hide in the hole of a huge oak tree and make it seem as if there was no hole.

Big Uchiha resided in high tree and lounged up there concealing his body with the shadows, not very interested in the game.

Nolena went to the edge of the boundaries and hide behind a bush.

The game was only getting started.

**(-Orochimaru's hide out-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)**

"I am going to kill that wench for ruing my chances with Itachi-kun. She even damaged my beautiful new body."

The snake man is straddling a chair, shirtless; as his assistant rubs a special ointment on his burns.

"I am sorry Orochimaru-sama; I had no idea that a woman's touch would truly burn you."

"It doesn't you fool! I just hate them, that bitch must have been performing a fire jutsu as she tried to squeeze the life out of me. Why was my beautiful Itachi with that wench? She acted so familiar with him it made me sick. I want her to suffer."

Kabuto finished with the final layer of the ointment and the burns finally faded causing his master to sigh blissfully.

"I agree sir, what should we do?" Kabuto backs away so his master could stand and face him.

"I want you to go to her disguised as Itachi-kun." Orochimaru raises a hand and strokes his assistants face fondly. The younger man leans into the touch willingly.

"And then what sir?"

"Betray her and make her hate Itachi-kun. Eventually they will fight and Itachi-kun will destroy her, I don't want to risk your body. I cannot even defeat my beloved Uchiha, so it should be no problem for him. One less obstacle for me to go through to get to Itachi-kun."

"Yes sir."

A lecherous smile plays on the Sanin's face.

"First I'd like to have some fun." Orochimaru leans in and claims his assistant's lips for his own pleasures.

**(-Three Hours Later; back with the Game Players-) (-Normal P.O.V.-) **

Sasori had found his blonde lover and Naruto, in less than an hour for they were talking when he found them.

When he found Kisame an hour and a half later, he was a little shocked to see Kisame trying to talk to the fish that he was swimming in.

The others were being rather difficult to find.

Itachi had fallen asleep while in his perch and Sasuke grew bored and moved his hiding place to somewhere more noticeable.

Nolena was still sitting behind the bush she chose, when she felt someone appear behind her. Before she could turn around several kunai we're jammed deeply into her back knocking her to the ground; the wounds gushing blood through her cloak.

"I hope you will forgive me Nolena-kun, I hope you wont be too mad but I thought it'd be fun to watch you bleed." Itachi's voice rings into her ears.

She lifts her body enough to stare at the man behind her; revealing a slightly blurred image of her best friend.

"I-Itachi-kun…why?"

"Because I want to, you are nothing to me but a whore."

'Itachi' raises his leg and kicks her in the jaw sending her backs wards into a tree forcing the kunai further into her back. Nolena would have screamed if she hadn't already been knocked out.

'Itachi' smirks to himself before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

**(-One Hour Later-) (- Normal P.O.V.-)**

"Found you Itachi!" Sasori tags the man who was sleeping on the tree branch and wake shim.

Itachi cracks an eye open and stares at Sasori.

"Only took you four hours. Who else do you have to find?"

"Nolena-san is the only one left. Naruto and Sasuke already went home because they have a mission in the morning. Feel like helping me find her?"

"I thought you'd be able to do this by yourself."

"I'm tired, just help me."

The Uchiha yawns.

"Whatever, she's probably fallen asleep by now."

**(-When they find her-) **(A/N: Laaaaazy here.)

Itachi's heart rate increase slightly when Nolena's blood reaches his nose. He dashes to his best friends body when he spots it and turns her on her side to release the pressure of the kunai.

"Nolena-kun? Wake up!" She groans in pain and stares at Itachi with cloudy eyes.

He pets her head carefully.

"What happened?"

Suddenly her eyes widen and Itachi goes flying backwards when she throws him away.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU BASTARD!"

Itachi skids backward on his feet in a crouch position.

"What the hell Nolena! It's just me!"

"Yes Nolena-san, no one else is here. Are you alright?"

Nolena winces at the pain of the kunai in her backs when she reopens the wounds by standing. There is pure fear on her face.

"He's the bastard who did this to me!"

The red head and Uchiha stare in shock, Sasori then stares at the black haired man.

"I did no such thing!"

"Yes you did! I saw you! I'm not stupid and I am not a whore!"

"I never called you a whore! And you must be stupid to think that I would hurt you!"

"Don't try to play me Uchiha! I know you attacked me, I have eyes!"

"Nolena-san, Itachi-san could not have attacked you, he was miles from you and asleep when I found him."

"Then why are his kunai embedded in my back!? I bet he is missing kunai from his pouch."

Itachi glares and pulls his kunai pouch off his leg and opens it to prove he had all his kunai and blanches.

"I-I'm missing seven kunai."

The girl bites her lip as she yanks one of the kunai out of her back and throws it on the ground before them. The Uchiha crest on the base of the kunai.

"They aren't missing! They are right here in my back you freak! How could you do this to me?" Pure anger tarnishes her features.

"They were stolen from me! I would not attack you!"

"Stay away from me, I do not commute with traitors."

The silver haired girl walks away furiously tearing the kunai from her back and throwing them to the ground. The pain silenced by her anger and hurt.

When Itachi moves to follow her Sasori stops him.

"I don't think you want to go after her, she is quite dangerous when angry."

The Uchiha stops and stares after her.

"Why did you attack her anyway?"

"I did not attack her! It would be pointless, she is my friend."

"Whatever, I'll believe you but the facts are quite obvious. I wouldn't go telling any of the others about this. I know she isn't going to say anything, her pride wont let her."

"Who could have done this; and for what reason? Breaking us apart wouldn't do anything."

"Have you angered anyone important besides everyone?"

"Not that I know of."

"Let's get back to the hotel."

Itachi and Sasori leave the area following the girl's path, in confusion.

**(-Hokage Tower-) (-Normal P.O.V.-)**

The two ANBU guarding the door, stare at Nolena as she comes down the hallway. She growls furiously at them.

"What the hell are you staring at!? Move!"

They move and she walks into the office slamming the door closed; being greeted by Tsunade who was studying a scroll she'd received earlier.

"Is it time to go already Nolena-san?" She doesn't even look up from the scroll she was reading.

"I think I'd rather have you help me with something first Tsunade-sama."

"What is it?" When Tsunade looks up her eyes widen at the black and blue bruise formed on the silver haired girl's jaw.

"What the hell happened?"

"Nothing, could you please heal me? I had a mishap with some kunai." Her angered face never changing; Nolena removes the bloodied Akatsuki cloak and tosses it to the floor.

The Medic Nin stands and goes over to her drinking partner. The two women had grown a relationship around drinking and talking about the annoyances of work. Not much of an appropriate relationship but one good enough to know what to do.

"Remove your shirt and lay on the couch."

The angry girl complies and Tsunade begins to heal the wounds on her back.

"What happened?"

"I had a mishap with some kunai."

Tsunade stays silent but knows better than to believe her.

**-§TBC§-**

**A/N:** OH ME! OH MY! How could I!? Poor, poor Nolena, being attacked so pointlessly all because of Oreo's jealousy. Now what will become of Itachi's and Nolena's friendship?

Less than 9 pages…wow…sorry.

Read the next chapter if I ever write it. (Which we all know will happen when I cave in.)

I love the game Man Hunt. So much fun, I always fall more than once, end up with zillions of cuts and bruises and become sore the next day. I know the story seems Nolena and Itachi centric but I'll stop that eventually…like after the next chapter. Anyone else notice I have a thing for making my OC suffer? I have a question…is Nolena's Mary-sueness gone? If not…kill me…just kill me please?

LOL Oro and Kabu sitting in a tree! XD I love that pairing. So kawaii.

Um…Kyuubi influences Arashi's thoughts and Arashi has become so mentally disturbed by him that he happens to be evil…sorta.

Thanks for reading another chapter…

**Review…it…forget it…just review? Please?**


	16. Note Serious face

Dear Loyal Readers:

**All stories will be on hold and not be updated for the next two weeks for the following reaons:**

1-I am physically and mentally exausted from so much typing.  
2-I have realized I have neglected my other stories and focused on TMSUTHTU only.  
3-**Harry Potter OTP Movies is in theaters.**  
4-**Harry Potter 7th book comes out.  
**5-My parents want to kill me for spending so much time on the computer.  
6-My room is messy.  
7-My social life (the small one that I have) is going down the drain.  
8-My ideas are scattered and all the stories seem to be related to each other.  
9-My interst has made a downward sprial.  
10-I hate TV.  
11-I need to exercise.  
12-Mom is pissed at me for not going to the gym which is 30 dollars a month.  
13-Has anyone else noticed I've become depressed?  
14-I just dont want to.

Sincerely,

Nico-chan

Aka. NightmareishRain

P.S.: Even though I love you guys dearly...I'm too exausted! Oh yea. If you did not notice. I remove the old A/N from slot 7 and stuff. number 15 is acctaully Chapter 15!. Enjoy the story.


	17. Assault disguised as Treachery

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen to Us**

**A/N:** I'm back lovelies!!!!! Did you miss me? I know you did! –hugs for everyone- Break is over! Back to work! Harry Potter 7 is awesome…like…6 chapters in then I stopped….I'm laaaazy.

**Note:** …this chapter troubled me, especially with the bloody fight…

Warning:…Stupid shit happens…like always.

* * *

**Last Time:**

"What happened?"

"I had a mishap with some kunai."

Tsunade stays silent but knows better than to believe her.

* * *

**Chapter SIXTEEN: Assault disguised as Treachery.**

**(-Normal P.O.V.-) (-Hotel; and hour before sleeping time-)**

After Itachi's "Attack" on Nolena, the two hadn't spoken in six days. Well…Itachi tried to talk to her; trying to convince her he didn't attack her and all she did was throw sharp objects at him, denying his word and then would leave. This left everyone except Sasori lost and confused over the two fighting ninja's, who use to be joined at the hip.

Obviously there was something wrong.

"I SAID GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Itachi dodges the kunai flying toward his head, and growls in annoyance.

"I already said it was someone else! How many times must I tell you!?"

"I don't believe you! Just leave me alone you bastard!" Nolena pushes past Itachi and storms into her room and slams the door.

The Eldest Uchiha sighs in misery, he still wishes he knew why anyone would try to separate him from his best friend. He heads to his own room and is greeted by Kisame who is smiling nervously.

"How'd it go?"

Itachi shuts the door and flops onto his bed burying his face into his pillow.

"She is still mad." Came the muffled reply.

"I wish you'd tell me what happened."

"I'd rather not."

Kisame kneels beside the bed and pets Itachi's hair, making the mattress sink when he leans on it.

"Would you like me to talk to her?"

"No…I don't want you involved…she is dangerous when like this."

Kisame chuckles and kisses the brunet hair and stands up before laying beside Itachi.

"Fine, fine. We should get some sleep."

Itachi nods into his pillow and tries to comply. Kisame waits till his boyfriend fell asleep before getting up and heading to Nolena's room.

**(-With Nolena momentarily-)**

The silver haired woman walks down the hall and out of the hotel, heading for a 24-hour store to get some comfort food.

**(-With Orochimaru and Kabuto in Konoha; in a tree near the hotel-)**

An annoyed look had settled onto the snake Sanin's face as he glared at Nolena as she walked down the street. She appeared distressed and completely oblivious to what was around her.

A green snake slitters up his arm and hisses something. Orochimaru pets it head.

"Kabuto…I'd like you to attack Itachi-kun's lover as that girl. According to Muchiutsu, he is going to her rooms right now. Go."

Kabuto bowed and transformed into the silver-haired girl and disappeared with a puff of smoke.

**(-Nolena's Room-)**

When the door opened, Kisame saw a very angry woman and was pulled inside the room and the door was slammed shut, he was then being repeatedly attacked with her fists and legs and also a kunai. He was beaten and bleeding badly and then thrown out of the room against the wall, unconscious.

**(-Morning-)**

A maid shrieks in fear and Itachi wakes up and notices his love not there and goes out to the hall looking at the maid.

"What are you- Kisame!" The Uchiha rushes to his love's side and tries to wake him but he doesn't and when Nolena opens her door to glare at the people making the noise; Itachi attacks her.

"What the fuck did you do!?" he screams. Her eyes look at Kisame's form and then at Itachi still glaring.

"I did nothing."

"You liar! Why did you draw Kisame into this!?"

"I said I didn't do anything! You're the one who attacked me in the first place!"

"I did no such thing! You attacked Kisame for no reason! His blood is on your floor, I can't believe you'd sink this low!"

The ex-Goddess' eyes narrow darkly.

"Go to hell you bastard!"

"That's it!" He punches her in the face as hard as possible and she flies to the floor skidding backward.

"What's going on? Un." A very sleepy Deidara opens his door across from Nolena's just in time to see Nolena tackle Itachi through his bedroom wall. He shrieks.

"SASORI NO DANA!!!! UN!"

Sasori stares at the people that just came through the wall and gets up off the bed as Itachi throws his opponent into the bed breaking it in half.

Nolena draws a kunai up to block Itachi's katana that he had summoned, she sweeps under Itachi's legs to knock him down but he flips back ward and then pushes off the wall flying at her. She reaches up to block and they both go through the wall into the back yard of the hotel.

The two attacked each other furiously; metal clashing, cloth ripping and blood being spilt.

Then Itachi found his opening his drove his katana through Nolena's stomach sheathing it till the hilt met her skin.

Nolena slammed her kunai into Itachi shoulder out of reflex and blood began pouring from her mouth, she groaned in horrid pain, her body trembling.

Itachi's face was void of any emotion except anger and twisted the katana in a 360-degree action and jerked it out making Nolena scream in pain.

She fell to her hands and knees one hand clutching her bloody wound before collapsing to the ground, her blood pooling around her.

"Nolena-sama! Un…" Deidara clutched his Dana fearing she did die.

A dark laugh came from the trees and then two figures landed in front of them.

"Thank you Itachi-kun, for killing the annoying bitch, now that she is dead and your lover is much more ugly than usual, will you come with me?"

Itachi's eyes widen in realization as he figures out that Orochimaru must be the cause of this. A sound comes from the bloody mess as it brings it self to it's feet clutching it's stomach. It glares at Orochimaru as his eyes widen at the fact she is alive.

"W-what I-is your problem nuh… you bastard!?" She spits up more blood and reaches into her pocket searching for something.

"H-how are you alive!? You should have died from that hole in your gut or at least bled to death by now!"

She smirks weakly.

"What part of immortality don't you get?" She turns to Itachi smiling apologetically. She looked pitiful when covered in blood and still bleeding yet standing. "I'm sorry Itachi…for…not believing you."

Itachi looks away feeling guilty for hurting her far worse than he and Kisame already was.

"D-don't worry about that…"

Orochimaru looked terrified as Sasori and Deidara were approaching him and his assistant with anger on their faces. Itachi turned to the pair as well and raised his katana again.

"Orochimaru, I will never go to you. You are going to pay for what you've done."

Orochimaru glares, feeling cornered now that he knew he wouldn't win against three members of the Akatsuki. He knew had to get out of there so he prepared to begin a transportation jutsu.

Suddenly there is a loud birdcall and then the twin shrieking of two colossal flaming red and orange phoenixes as the bomb dived to the ground and transformed into human bodies before hitting the ground.

"Freeze you idiots or I'll kill you!" Said the girl with her long black hair in a whip like ponytail.

"Quiet down Gemma, we're not here to kill the humans." The girl's identical twin sister said as she ran her fingers through her own long black hair that was left down. Both twins had ivory skin and startling dark blue eyes.

"But Arian, they attacked Master Nolena!"

"Shut up; mother doesn't like it when we fight."

"Nice entrance girls." Came Nolena's strangled reply. The twins' look at their "master" and run to her side.

"Oh dear! Are you alright!?" concern settled into Arian's features.

"What did that idiot do to you!?" Gemma growled.

"Can you please focus on the idiot trying to escape!?" Their master yelled at them. They knew better than to disobey; so they momentarily forgot about her injuries, not even reacting when Nolena fell to the ground sitting and clutching her wound.

Arian had suddenly had Orochimaru and Kabuto pinned to the ground by an invisible force with a snap of her fingers.

"Let's see if I remember the promise we made to Master Nolena…what was it again Gemma?"

"We promise to always protect-"

"-those who put our Master's life in danger.-"

"-We will fight with our whole being-"

"-until we are unable-"

"-or dead."

"Who are you people!?" Orochimaru hissed.

The twins smile at him. Both wearing royal blue cloth trench coats that have red phoenixes on the back, red t-shirts and black pants with chains on them.

"Arian Galaxervia at your service!"

"Gemma Galaxervia, her older and identical twin!"

"We're the Royal Guardians' of the Celestial Universe!" They chime in together.

"So you are the two Nolena-kun spoke so highly of." Itachi spoke.

The twins beam at the Uchiha, completely unaware that he was the one to seriously injure their master.

"What is going on here Uchiha?" The blonde Hokage asks as she enters the battle zone with a few of her ninja's including team 7 and Shizune.

"We caught Orochimaru, Tsunade-sama." Came Arian's answer.

Tsunade eyed the twins and then the ex-goddess sitting in a pool of her own blood; barely hanging on to consciousness. Their eyes meet, she silently asked Nolena what had happened and Nolena smiled. She became unnerved but shook it off and focused on the captive ninjas'.

"ANBU, arrest Orochimaru and his assistant. Put them under red watch, 24-hour surveillance."

"Yes Hokage-sama." The ANBU do their job, carrying away a struggling pair of sound ninja's.

Nolena turns to her side to throw up more blood regaining the attention of the ninja's. Tsunade and Shizune rushes to her side to try and heal her wounds; Itachi avoids looking at his friend whom he hurt and goes to his brother.

"Took you a while to get here Ototo."

Sasuke shrugs and stares at his brother seriously.

"Why is your arm drenched with her blood?"

Itachi says nothing and stares at his younger brother.

"Well?"

"That is none of your concern, Sasuke."

"To hell it's not. You put a gaping hole in her stomach. Why?"

"It doesn't matter, our problem is solved already so you have no need to know of it. Let it be Sasuke."

Sasuke stares at his brother and then turns on his heel heading to Naruto who grips him in a tight hug. Itachi watches them for a moment before heading back to his own love, who was still unconscious.

"Kisame, wake up." He shakes him gently and frowns when he doesn't wake, so he shakes a little more and waits. Kisame stirs a little in his sleep and his eyes slide open in a haze; staring at Itachi not really seeing who it is.

"Who are you?" He croaks out. Itachi smirks and kisses the other man on the lips gently and is given entrance to his mouth so he gives him a searing wake-up kiss. The blue man chuckles when they break apart.

"I'd know that kiss anywhere. Hey love, what happened?"

"Orochimaru sent his lackey to attack you. He's been captured though and no one will hurt you now."

Kisame laughs.

"Don't talk to me as if I'm a woman. I wasn't scared."

"I know, sorry love." Itachi kisses his love again; this time he gets a reaction and when they pull apart they are breathless.

"What was that for?"

"I love you Kisame."

Kisame's vision had cleared and he stared into Itachi's eyes searching for truth in his words before smiling.

"I love you more."

"Doubt it. Let's get someone to heal your wounds, ok?"

The shark man nods and they stand to go to one of the medic nins.

"Nolena-sama, what are you holding?" Gemma points at the ex-Goddess clutched hand as the twins and Tsunade and Shizune try to close up the hole in her abdomen. The women looks down and then back at the sky.

"Phoenix-Down. Why?"

"Aren't you going to use it?"

"No, I don't want to use it unless I really have a need. Someone else may need it in a more serious situation."

"Can't you just make more?" Gemma asks.

"It takes four months to make Gemma, didn't you pay attention during training?" Gemma's sister, Arian, scolds her twin.

"Shut up ugly!"

"We're identical, idiot!"

"Oh, right…"

"Girls."

"Yes?" came the twin replies.

"Shut up."

They nod and continue with their work.

Nolena rolls her eyes, the twins all ways argued.

Gemma is the more powerful one, with a horrible outlook on most things and has a short attention span; she is the brawn of the duo.

Arian, made Celtic history with her genius, was the most brilliant Guardian ever; she is the brains of the twin pair.

No one really understood why (or how) Gemma also became a Royal Guardian, and a representative at that. Most think it is because she is the High Rulers niece.

**(-Three Days Later-)**

The past few days, Nolena had been trying to ignore the faint soreness of her second abdominal wound this year. It's a wonder she hadn't died. Well actually it isn't because she can't no matter how hard she wishes it.

Things have been awkward between Itachi, Nolena and Kisame, because who'd want to hang around someone who tried to kill you?

Itachi grew much closer to his love, but was still terrified to do anything with him; for only Itachi knows why. He always ended up in awkward silences with Nolena, when they were left in the same room together.

Kisame was still trying to get Itachi to "sleep" with him, but was always told no, leaving him horny and sad. He stayed completely oblivious to Itachi sleeping with his best friend. That's perfect for his mentality.

It was the last night before the Akatsuki team would leave for Headquarters and everyone was pretty much ready to get lost.

"Itachi-" Sasori begins.

"No."

"You haven't even heard what I was going to say!"

"I don't need to. I know you're going to tell me to go talk to Nolena-san and have a long conversation about our feelings which will end up with her crying and then me trying to nail her."

"If you know then do it!"

"I'm not going to; I've been unfaithful enough behind Kisame's back."

"Then just do everything up to the nailing her part!"

"Why do you care about my relationships anyway?"

"Well…you're not the same when so…I have no idea what this mood is but I don't like it! Deidara hasn't let me bang him in two days because he is afraid of the tension!"

"Then bang someone else!"

"I'm pretty sure you wont let me."

Itachi's eyes widen and he leans away from Sasori's side of the bed.

"Keep three feet between us or I'll chop of your balls so you can't even **try** to have kids."

The red head sighs and crosses his legs pretzel style; feeling annoyed.

"Like I said, I'm pretty sure you wont let me and look at that! Your not."

"Shut up you puppet freak."

"I totally feel the love Itachi-san, thanks."

The brunette just stares at the red head, making him sigh.

"Ok…Well, you're going to talk to her whether you like it or not because she is your current partner and if you don't get along with her…well…we're screwed."

"And why does our discomfort affect Akatsuki?" Itachi asks, feeling very annoyed.

"Because you two make the strongest team, and if you include Kisame, it is invincible! Our only problem is the Leader and I'm still trying to figure out what she plans on doing."

"I have a feeling it has something to do with Kyuubi. She wont even tell me what is she is planning."

"Why do people talk about me behind my back?" Nolena is standing at the doorway in an ashen infirmary kimono, smiling at the two boys. Itachi avoids her eyes and focuses on picking at the tiny loose thread on his night pants.

"Oi, Nolena-san, what are you planning anyway?"

The girl moves forward and sits on the bed cross-legged.

"I'm not telling."

The two men glare at her.

"Give us a hint at least." Sasori yelled.

"Come on! You've been like this for weeks!" Itachi said.

"Not scared of me any more Itachi-kun?"

Itachi flushes pink on his cheeks and then forces it away.

"I am not and have not been afraid of you!"

"Well why have you been avoiding me!?"

"You've been avoiding me! Don't you dare-" Itachi is cut off by a kiss and then stares at the girl before him.

"I've already forgiven you Itachi-kun, do you forgive me?" She smiles at him kindly; hoping he'd accept.

The eldest Uchiha just stares at her before pulling her into a tight hug clutching her tightly.

"Of course I do." He whispered.

Sasori sat there smirking at the two friends before standing and leaving the room, going to his blonde lover.

* * *

**-§TBC§-**

**A/N:** …I feel as if I'm being…mushy!!! That fight was great! Trying to kill each other one moment and then all OMG FORGIVE ME five seconds later.

There is like…5 chapters to go maybe? I only wanted 20-21 chapters. Anyway. Next chapter is bringing Kyuubi back!!!

**Review? Please?**


	18. Hey Kyuubi kun

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen To Us**

**A/N:** HOLY SHIZLE!!! We are far into this retarded story!!! -Smiles-

**Note:** …I'm homosexual and I made my OC bi! The irony!!!

**Warning:** …More retardedness!!! YAY!

* * *

**Last Time:**

"Well why have you been avoiding me!?"

"You've been avoiding me! Don't you dare-" Itachi is cut off by a kiss and then stares at the girl before him.

"I've already forgiven you Itachi-kun, do you forgive me?" She smiles at him kindly; hoping he'd accept.

The eldest Uchiha just stares at her before pulling her into a tight hug clutching her tightly.

"Of course I do." He whispered.

Sasori sat there smirking at the two friends before standing and leaving the room, going to his blonde lover.

* * *

**Chapter SEVENTEEN: Hey Kyuubi-kun.**

"ITACHI!!!" Nolena screams as she runs to the brunette standing out side the training grounds where Naruto and Sasuke are battling. Sasori and Kisame turn from their studying and stare at her oddly, Itachi just watches her, not caring that she is acting like an idiot.

"What?"

Nolena stares at Kisame and Sasori until they get the point and walk away.

"Ok, why are you yelling?"

"You know how I'm one hundred and ten percent straight right?"

"Um…yes...I think…"

"Have I ever given the slightest hint that I considered being gay? I mean, even when I'm drunk! Do I appear it?"

"Well, no."

"Then why did Tsunade-sama feel the need to declare that she had feelings for me and kiss me!?"

Itachi stares at her in disbelief and starts laughing.

"Stop laughing at me!"

He stares at her again not laughing but looks it, but when he realizes that look on her face is real it vanishes.

"You're serious?"

"Yes! Why do I have to be so fucking attractive Itachi!? Why did I have to lead her on or something!? WHY!?"

"One, I wouldn't have friendly sex with you if you were ugly. Two, what did you do that may have lead her on? Three, life is just that way."

"Shut up you horny slut."

"I'm trying to help you here!"

"Grrrr. SHUT UP! I don't think I've done anything to bring out her queerness! I've gone drinking with her, talked with her like good friends, trained with her. I had her heal my wounds from when Kabuto attacked me…wait…OMG!!! She saw my chest! That pervert…"

"Nolena."

"Yes?"

"Did you think that willingly being close to her and going to her for certain things like being attacked might have lead her on?"

The girl thinks about it and then grimaces.

"Shit! You're right…gawd…I feel bad now!!! Do something Itachi! I just ran away from her! I have never had to deal with a woman who randomly decided I'd be a good girlfriend."

The look on her face was priceless; she was obviously terrified and confused. How hilarious.

Itachi laughs lightly.

"HA! I get to yell at you for running away from your problem now!" Itachi smirks and then stops. "Ok anyway…have you ever tried having a relationship with another girl?"

She stares at him.

"Do you think that would really help?"

"Well, you can't hack it until you try it. I tried dating girls but it does nothing for me…men are what I like…their firm bodies are to die for…Except you, you're the exception because well…I don't know why but sex with you is fun."

"Itachi…when did you realize you were gay?"

"When I caught myself trying to molest my best friend when I was 11…He was entirely ok with it too…hm…Maybe I shouldn't have killed him."

"Stop reminiscing and help me here! What the hell should I do!?"

"I already suggested try a relationship with her."

An anime angry vein throb appears on her head.

"What part of ONE HUNDRED AND TEN percent straight don't you get!?"

"Who says you're straight?"

"I DO!!!"

"…If I can have sex with boy men and women-"

"YOU HAVEN'T YOU MORON!!! HEY I HAVE A QUESTION! WHO SAYS YOU'RE GAY!? You haven't had sex with your boyfriend yet, but you'll bang me! Answer that!"

Itachi blanches, knowing he was in deep now.

"Fuck…You're right!!! GAWD!!! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!! STOP MAKING ME THINK ABOUT MY SEXUALITY! I AM A HOMOSEXUAL!"

"I'M HETEROSEXUAL!"

"Nolena-sama…" Arian walks up to the arguing friends.

"WHAT!?"

"Tsunade-sama asked me to call for you."

Nolena stares at her.

"Um…tell her Itachi killed me or something!"

"Didn't you teach us lying is bad and makes things worse, master?"

"Stop using your flipping photo-graphic memory on me you annoying twit!"

"At least I'm not bashing lesbians! I bet you don't know that Gemma and I are together!"

Itachi and Nolena stare at her. Did she say what they thought she did?

"You're a lesbian and…" The silver haired woman began.

"-Dating your sister." Itachi finished.

"Yes! Got a problem!?"

"Isn't incest illegal!?" Itachi yelled.

"Actually Itachi-kun…heh…In the Celestial universe it is common for people of the same family to become mates aka a couple to keep the blood line from being corrupted…"

"I thought you needed a man and a woman to reproduce…either someone taught me something wrong or you have another explanation."

"If they wish, two males or two females can reproduce…"

Itachi stares, and stares, and stares; before it clicks.

"The universe is a fucked up place."

"Hey! I've read your mind Uchiha-san! You've had dirty thoughts about your younger brother! And you, Master Nolena, have imagined both my sister and I naked before!"

The man and woman flush red.

"SHUT UP!" both ninja yell.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? I am not gay and you are not a guaranteed queer Itachi! And you need to stay out of it Arian!"

"I am sorry Master Nolena…please forgive me…"

"Whatever just go away!"

Arian nods and departs but reminds Nolena to go see Tsunade who ignores her.

"You're a little liar…like always."

"About what weasel?" she asks innocently.

"I know you are bisexual at least!"

"…Can we drop it!? I want to leave before someone decides to drag me to Tsunade herself."

"NO!"

"I need to go speak with Naruto!" The girl storms away and heads over to Naruto and Sasuke who just finished their battle. Kisame and Sasori walk back over.

"She's a closet case." Sasori comments.

"Big time." Itachi and Kisame say at the same time.

**(-With Naruto and Nolena-)**

"Are you sure it won't kill me?" Naruto asks calmly.

"Yes! Of course. I have two very eligible people to perform the soul separation. We just need you to go to the Akatsuki HQ with us so you can properly be separated and so the other portion of his soul can meet."

"But…I'm going to loose a lot of my powers from this…Kyuubi helped me out so much." The frown on the boys face was irresistibly cute.

"You will be rewarded for guarding Kyuubi-kun, we'll take care of you, so don't worry about that."

"Can I truly trust you with this?"

A bright smile graces her face as she nods.

"Yes! I have an honor to uphold and also I need Kyuubi to take my old job before some idiot tries to kill someone again… So do you agree?"

"Can I bring Sasuke?"

"Yes."

"You've got yourself a deal!"

"Alright! Now go pack we leave in a half hour."

Naruto takes off.

**(-a short time before they get to HQ-)**

"Arian, Gemma."

"Yes ma'am?" both ask.

"Once we get there I need you Gemma to hold the Leader so he can't escape while we perform the separation."

"Got it."

"Arian I need you to perform the spell."

"Yes ma'am."

"Nolena-kun…what the hell are you talking about?" Itachi had stopped his conversation with his brother to listen to the conversation, as did the others.

"Just shut up and keep walking Uchiha!"

"Well FINE!"

Nolena immaturely turns around and sticks her tongue out at him before squealing and running away from Itachi as he chases her while grinning.

"Kisame-san…"

"Why do you love my Aniki?"

"I have no idea…I guess it's just who he is. He is an amazing person and I work well with him."

"You can't catch me!!!"

"Yes I can!!! I have before!" With that said he tackles her to the ground and begins to wrestle her playfully.

"Uchiha-san stop molesting our master and let's move!" Arian says before stepping over the two.

The pair stand up blushing and walk ahead, Nolena walks beside Naruto, trying to distract herself.

**(-Dun dun dun!!!!-) (Am I getting annoying yet!?)**

The ex-Goddess walks through the Leader's office door with The twins and Naruto in tow, she smiles at him.

"Hello Arashi-kun."

The man doesn't look up from his work; he's actually working…the world shall implode now.

"Did it go well?"

Nolena nods to Gemma and she rushes to do what she was ordered before hand.

"Yes it did sir, now hold still while we perform this procedure."

Nolena nods to Arian and then looks at Naruto who nods that he is ready.

The blonde man begins struggling hard trying to break free from the older twins grasp.

"What the hell are you doing wench!? Release me!"

Arian takes out a scroll and begins reading allowed the long spell written on it. Naruto and Arashi begin glowing blue and then red the whole room lights up. As Arian continues the spell Naruto and Arashi begin to feel the tearing of the joined souls and begin squirming in pain; especially Naruto.

"Naruto-kun! Do the blood seal now! Use the hand signs I gave you!" Nolena yells to the struggling boy. Even though in pain, Naruto begins the hand seals tiger, bear, rabbit, snake…

The process takes several minutes before a glowing red silhouette of body a begins forming in the middle of the room and when it finishes a naked body falls to their knees and the glowing ceases.

"Girls, check on the vessels. I'll take care of Kyuubi."

"Hai!!!" The twins rush to take care of the people who had just undergone a painful soul separation.

"Kyuubi?"

The form looks up at the woman with blazing red eyes that are glaring at her. He has long, wild, fiery red hair. His face has black whisker marks and pointed ears on the side. Kyuubi's skin is a light tan. He has sharp fangs and claws and nine red tails twitching behind him. He snarls and begins glowing red.

"Don't you dare transform Kyuubi!"

Kyuubi stops glowing red and stands up towering over his Master by at least a foot, he was still glaring. He uses his dark voice to speak…

"You bitch! How dare you let me be captured by those disgusting humans! I was suffering with those freaks! The blonde family members were the most idiotic people I'd ever met!"

"They saved your life you ungrateful bastard! And don't try to intimidate me! I'll have you on your knees before you can do anything!"

The demon scoffs and turns his head, childishly crossing his arms.

"You are no longer a goddess so I can do as I wish."

As promised; Nolena had him on his knees with a kunai to his throat.

"You watch how you talk to me you bastard and you better clean up your act or I am changing my mind about choosing you as my successor!"

Kyuubi's eyes widen and he stares in shock; his voice softens.

"Y-your successor?"

"Yes. My successor."

All of a sudden he smiles and hugs her tightly burying his face in her stomach.

"I'm sorry Master, I promise not to disobey you again!"

Nolena sweat drops and rolls her eyes.

"You are such a suck up!" Gemma yells, ditching the Leader to walk over to the two people.

"Shut up Gemma-san! You're just jealous because Master picked me! Not you!"

"I'm already in the high ranks so ha!"

"Because you are the High Ruler's niece!"

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS!"

The two people shut their mouths and look the other way; Kyuubi brings himself to his feet and brushes himself off. Nolena takes off her Akatsuki cloak and tells him to put it on and he obeys. Now no one has to stare at his nakedness.

"Nolena-sama…can we come in now?" Calls Kisame's voice.

"Yea…"

The door opens and a group of people come in and stares. Sasuke gasps when he sees Naruto on the floor and rushes to his side to wake him.

"What did you do to him!?"

"Don't worry Sauske-kun, he's fine, we just separated his soul is all. He's resting now and he needs to get used to the power level we just gave him."

Sasuke nods and clutches his boyfriends body to his chest petting him.

"Nolena-kun…is that…"

"Yes Itachi-kun. Everyone meet Kyuubi-san, Kyuubi meet Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, and Kisame; you know Sasuke and Naruto."

Kyuubi nods and then looks to the side not wanting anything to do with them.

"Be nicer, you have a lot of work to do with these people."

"Like what!? It's not like I'm staying!"

Nolena smirks and he cowers.

"Come on! Isn't fifteen years in those brats bodies enough punishment!?"

"No, you completely disobeyed me and attacked those people for no reason."

"I apologized!"

"Shut up Kyuubi, I don't want to deal with this now…Arian, conjure him up some clothing, I want my cloak back. Gemma! Get Arashi and put him at his desk. I need some alcohol…"

Nolena walks away. This was a difficult day for her.

* * *

**-TBC-**

**A/N:** Cheese sticks…

I AM GAY!!!! OH SO GAY!!!! And I don't care but I wish I could some how tell my parents…heh….-cough-

Is it weird that I make out with my friends?

**Review**


	19. The mystery of the sexuality

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen To Us**

**A/N:** -anime angry throb- I am getting to the lemon! I have every fucking thing planned up until the god damned tri-quel! It is just a matter of forming it into words instead of a theatrical play! OK!? WE HAVE LIKE 3 CHAPTERS LEFT OK!? And then I'll throw a bloody sequel at you.

If I had no sense I would torture you guys and make the lemon not happen, but I love my readers and wont do that just because you people are perverts…even though I'm being a hypocrite.

Gawd…I'm not telling you people shit this time…just read!

**Last Time:**

"Come on! Isn't fifteen years in those brats bodies enough punishment!?"

"No, you completely disobeyed me and attacked those people for no reason."

"I apologized!"

"Shut up Kyuubi, I don't want to deal with this now…Arian, conjure him up some clothing, I want my cloak back! Gemma! Get Arashi and put him at his desk. I need some alcohol…"

Nolena walks away. This was a difficult day for her.

**This Time: **

**Chapter EIGHTEEN: The mystery of the sexuality**

Kyuubi was trying not to kill Gemma as she conjured clothing for him to try on and she watched him dress and undress; he felt so violated.

"Just, because I kill people, doesn't mean you have to watch me dress you sicko!"

"Master, told me to dress you! So I am!" The girl grins at the red haired demon.

"THAT WAS THREE HOURS AGO!"

"But it's fun playing dress up with the soon-to-be God. I mean gosh! You'd look cute in this!" Gemma holds up a female shirt she conjured, it was lime green with pink flowers on it and it had belled sleeves and the bottom flared out. It was shocking how girly she was, considering she was gothic.

"If you haven't realized, I am a guy!"

"Master was at one point but she-…wait…you weren't suppose to know that."

Every person in the room; Sasori and Itachi (who seem to always be together lately…) and Kyuubi stare at her. Arian smacks her own face.

"You moron! Master will kill us! She told us, and only us because she trusted that we could keep that a secret! You have any idea what you've done!?"

Itachi speaks up as he walks toward Arian.

"Please do explain what your sister has said, or I will be forced to cause you bodily harm."

Arian shakes her head and runs away, hiding behind her sister/mate.

Nolena then comes into the room drinking a bottle of expensive alcohol, that she found (stole) in the Leader's private booze room she appeared calmer. Everyone stares at her.

"Ok…Why am I being stared at?"

"Nolena…were you really a man at one point?" Itachi asks calmly.

"Someone is going to die…Arian, Gemma…" The woman stares at the girls evilly; promising death. Arian points at Gemma.

"She let it slip out!"

"Thanks!"

And for the next hour, Nolena chased and attacked Gemma, yelling at her for letting out her biggest secret.

**(-Later on with Sasori, Itachi and Nolena-) (Arian, Gemma and Kyuubi are hiding)**

"So technically you're gay?" is the first thing out of Sasori's mouth.

"NO! Ok, I'll explain…" The girl pauses to hold her face in her hands and then sighs deeply.

"You ok Nolena-kun?"

"I'm fine Itachi…just a little drunk…Anyway, when a Celestial being is born, they have a gender but it isn't permanent. After they receive their powers on the last day of training, they are given the choice to choose a gender, depending on their views of how one's sexuality should be. I saw that if I was a man, who liked men; it would be too difficult but I never expected you humans to be so open with the sexuality thing…I decided to become female, so I didn't have to worry about it. The whole thing was based on a random belief."

The weasel nodded in understanding.

"So…you're gay. Right?" Sasori says again.

Itachi and Nolena sigh; knowing they wont get it through his head. He is an idiot sometimes…

"If you want to think of it that way…then go ahead…deal with it. Annoying thing is, is that I am the only man in Celtic history to choose to become a woman…so I feel special. Not really. Do you understand? Do you get that I'm not bisexual?"

Itachi and Sasori share a look and then smirk at her. Itachi opens his mouth,

"We still think you are bi. You probably even liked kissing Tsunade-sama, you did say you had a think for blondes and-"

"SHUT UP! I am straight!"

"Don't deny it!" Sasori yells.

"I am denying it!"

"HAH! So you admit it! You are bi!" Sasori tricked her.

The silver haired girl flushes red and shakes her head in more denial.

"I-I-I'm going to go check on Arashi-san."

She begins to walk away and as she does, her best friend gives a signal and Naruto jumps in front of her and does his sexy jutsu. Nolena passes out with a sever nosebleed after staring at him for several moments.

Sasori and Itachi give each other a high five.

"Thanks Naruto-kun."

"Anytime! That was fun, I don't remember the last time I used that jutsu."

"Well…you can go do whatever with your boyfriend now…we'll harass her when she wakes up" Naruto waves and runs off in search of his lover.

"Itachi-san."

"What?"

"It's sad that your younger brother isn't a virgin and you are."

Itachi slaps Sasori and walks away, dragging his unconscious best friend along with him.

"Ow…bitch…" Sasori rubs his reddening cheek.

**(-1 hour later-)**

Itachi smirks as his friend wakes from her state of unconsciousness to glare at him. He brought her to their room and laid her on her bed and he was sitting at the end cross-legged.

"So Nolena-kun, you are bisexual admit it. I want you to unlock the door and walk out of that closet!"

"Itachi…if you say that one more time…I'm going to rip your balls off."

The Uchiha rolls his eyes and smirks when she rubs her head, must be a hangover.

"I know that you wont…you love them, you also-"

"Don't finish that sentence."

Itachi jumps on her, straddling her hips and he sits on her, she was still sitting up so she was able to glare directly into his eyes.

"You need to just deal with your sexuality, you are bi and you can't help it."

"Then you are too, because you say you love Kisame which I do not doubt, but then you all to willingly throw yourself at me."

"So what if I am? I'll admit to it. But you are in denial my dear."

"Oh gawd…don't even edge onto the fact that you love me that way or I'll kill myself." She changes the subject.

Itachi keeps a straight face.

"I love you, but I'm not IN love with you, that'd be…well weird. You and Kisame-koi are the only ones to ever get me to drop my guard."

"How sweet."

Itachi grins and earns a kiss. There is a sharp and loud, bark from the door way and the two friends look over to see Chikara.

"Chikara! I'm sorry I forgot about you!"

Nolena pushes Itachi off of her. He nearly falls off the bed.

"How could you forget about your own pet!?"

"I don't know…as easy as I could forget how to not show emotion."

"You really forgot?

"For the most part, at least around you two."

Chikara barks and pounces on top of Itachi, licking his face.

"Ow, he's heavy. I missed you too Chikara-kun."

Chikara barks happily and nuzzles his master, doing his best to curl up on his lap, which proved to be difficult since he grew to be the size of a full-grown male wolf in a short matter of time. Nolena squeals in delight.

"Awwwww you are so cute Itachi-kun!!!"

"We've been over this, I am cute, adorable, sexy and any other endearing word you can come up with."

"Prideful bastard."

Itachi flashes her a smile and continues to stroke his pet's fur. The girl smiles lightly as she watches them and then blinks in confusion when Itachi turns to her with his famous smirk.

"We still have to get you out of that closet."

She glares and hits him with her pillow.

"Shut up!"

Itachi laughs and continues to annoy her with questions.

**(-Dusk-)**

The eldest Uchiha snickers to himself as he watches his best friend talk to the Akatsuki Leader. She talked about what she did and what he had done with the organization since he claims to hardly even remember her (or the rest of Akatsuki); he remembers only when she would come in a do a few things for him and couple other events. She explains to him how the Kyuubi must have taken over for those parts. Now they were just having a friendly conversation.

The fun part of watching this was her blushing and acting like a lovesick schoolgirl. The better part was that the blonde man was encouraging that blush to stay on her cheeks by making comments or just touching her arm gently.

"Hey Kisame-koi…did we ever act like them? I mean gawd…they should just come out and say I love you or something."

"I kind of wish we did, that would have been fun, flirting with you." Kisame wraps his arms around the smaller man from behind and rests his head on top of Itachi's.

The smaller man smiles and leans into the embrace, soaking up the warmth.

"We would have looked ridiculous Kisa-koi…"

Kisame spun Itachi around and held him tight, staring into his eyes.

"But it wouldn't have changed the way I feel about you." Kisame leans down and kisses his love on the lips sweetly, and then pulls back. Itachi looking a bit surprised at the tenderness of the kiss.

"Kisame…"

The shark man bites his lip and grabs at something in his pocket. But doesn't bring his hand out.

"Ita-koi…we've been together for seven years and been a couple for only a few months…and even though we've fought, a lot, I still feel my love for you growing; rapidly. I always want to be with you, even if you are angry with me. I never want to leave your side..."

Itachi's eyes widen as he watches his love sink down to one knee holding his left hand; stroking it softly with his thumb.

"Kisame…what-"

Kisame cuts Itachi off by pulling his hand out of his pocket holding the item out in front of him; a simple ring with a swirled black and red crystal on a white gold band.

"Marry me Itachi, and always be mine?"

Itachi does a very un-Uchiha like thing; he cries out of happiness, falling to his knees and kisses Kisame.

"Y-yes, I will, as long as you will be mine."

Kisame kisses him again and smiles widely.

"Always."

**(-Later that night-)** (A/N: Leave me the fuck alone after this, k? lol)

Itachi was pinned under his fiancée, in the confines of Kisame's bedroom; the light of the half moon was the only supply of light.

A sharp moan escapes his lips as his lover sucks and nips at his neck, bringing blood to the surface. When a nice black hickey had formed, the seductive mouth slowly, and teasingly kissed a trail down the Uchiha's bare chest.

Cloaks, shoes, shirts and headbands are discarded among the floor, courtesy of Kisame, who took the liberty of teasing his soon to be lover.

Calloused, pale blue hands gently glide over the smooth pale skin that was illuminated by the moonlight. Kisame's fingers teased his love's nipples that had stood to attention at the first brush of cool air. Itachi's back arches partly off the bed and moans quietly as the shark man abuses his nipples with his tongue and teeth.

"Ki-kisame…you tease…" The weasel grips his lover's broad shoulders tightly and then roughly rakes his nails part way down his bare back.

"I want you to enjoy this…" Kisame whispers and leans back up to kiss the brunette lightly and then pulls away to continue his foreplay.

Kisame carefully slides Itachi's black chinos off his hips, leaving him in his black silk boxers and then those are slide down just as easily; freeing the wearer's stiffened member. The blue man sits up, Itachi's hands sliding off him and onto the bed; he gazes at his lover's naked flesh and smiles.

"Beautiful…perfect. The way I imagined it." His hand grasps the hardened length and

strokes him teasingly, causing the smaller man to arch off the bed and moan lowly.

"D-don't stop…"

The shark man came prepared for this night, and had filed his teeth lightly, so they were no longer razor sharp, knowing it would grow back in mere days. This was leaving him able to perform his actions with out the worry of harming his lover. With out a second thought, he took the head of Itachi's cock and sucked on it, his tongue teasing the slit; forcing a loud and sharp moan from Itachi's throat.

"G-god! Kisame…please…"

A smirk sets on the blue mans face and he continues to tease the blood filled organ. He uses on hand to rub the spot between Itachi's entrance and his scrotum; stimulating the prostate. Itachi's breathing became labored, and he fisted the sheets on the bed tightly; suddenly begging his lover to take him in the rest of the way.

"Kisa, suck me off!"

With a practiced move; Kisame complies with the order and soon has all of the hard cock in his mouth and down his throat. The weasel moans loudly as his partner begins to move his mouth up and down his shaft, going down his throat each time. Itachi tried repeatedly to thrust into his lover's mouth, but the man's hand held him down at his hips.

Kisame felt his lover swell inside his mouth and pulled away before he could have his release. Itachi moans in confusion and displeasure.

"Damn it! Why did you stop?"

"The longer I make you wait for your release, the more pleasurable it will be."

"Damn you, Kisame…"

The shark man chuckles and kisses him lovingly and then backs away, placing one more kiss at the base of the other man's neck. Reaching inside his own pants pocket he takes out a small tube of lubricant and places it on the bed and then backs off to remove the rest of his clothing.

Itachi stares at the other's body in fascination; he had never seen the other undressed either and he stared in awe of the shapely, muscled perfection.

The larger man kneels in front of Itachi on the bed; nudging his legs apart and opens the lube, coating his fingers.

"Just relax…"

Itachi smiles lightly at his lover and nods and the gasps as a cool, slick finger is pressed through his entrance. Slowly adding a second and third as he stretched the ring of muscle; preparing him. When his prostate is brushed lightly, a low moan erupts from the brunette's throat.

"N-nuh…Ki-same…"

Using his other hand to lubricate his own hard cock, Kisame continues to work his lover's entrance.

"This will hurt…for a moment." The he places his member at the entrance and removes his fingers but pauses. Itachi glares at him and tells him to hurry it up and then groans in a mix of pain and pleasure as Kisame slides the head of his cock inside him.

"Fuck…Kisame…move!"

Kisame smirks and holds still waiting for his lover to take it into his own hands.

Getting annoyed, Itachi wraps his legs around Kisame's hips and pulls him in as deep as he can, moaning loudly; pain vanished and was replaced with pleasure. He rocked his hips encouraging the shark man to move, but he doesn't.

"God damn it Kisame! Move!"

"No." Kisame smirks, and is glared at by Itachi.

"Fine!"

Itachi, being the stronger of the two, pushes the man away and yanks him onto the bed, forcing the blue man to lie on his back. He straddles his lover and lowers himself onto the erection and throws his head back moaning, his long hair free form his pony tail.

"God…Itachi…"

"If you won't move, I will."

Kisame watches his lover in fascination, if he didn't know any better, he'd think he had done this before. Maybe he had? All thoughts were cleared from his mind as Itachi lifted himself up until his hard cock was barely inside him and then slammed himself back down.

"Fuck!" Itachi cries out as his prostate was struck, full force. Kisame's breathing was also labored, and he moaned as the man riding him slammed down on to him over and over. It was a matter of time before he flipped the positions and began to pound into the brunette's ass, aiming for the prostate.

The Uchiha was screaming out in pleasure while his sweet spot was struck over and over again. His hands clutching his fiancée's hair, his legs wrapped around their hips and the friction between their bodies stimulated his cock, bring him over the edge.

"Kisame!" Itachi screamed out his lover's name as he had a mind numbing orgasm, spraying his stomach and Kisame's with his cum.

"Fuck! Itachi…" As the walls of Itachi's ass tightened around his engorged member he had his release and emptied himself inside his lover, moaning loudly.

The two men were panting heavily, and staring into each other's eyes. Itachi pulls his lover down into a passionate kiss, but pulled back shortly after it began for they were out of breath.

"I love you, Kisame. Thank you." He wraps his arms around his neck and nuzzles him. Kisame slides out of his lover and lays beside him; holding him close.

"I love you more…" He plants a kiss on the top of his head and Itachi sighs contently.

"I doubt it…"

The shark man chuckles and strokes his head lovingly.

"Go to sleep."

"Mh…"

Itachi did just that.

(A/N: You happy now? 4 pages of hot sex. Now continue.)

**(-After noon next day-)**

Itachi walked around the Hide out in a daze, searching for his best friend to share all the juicy details of the night before.

"Itachi-kun…you finally woke up?" Nolena stopped her conversation with Arashi to smile at her friend.

The brunette shakes his head and grins and then looks at the blonde, asking him to leave with his eyes. The blonde smiles at him and stands up.

"We can finish this conversation later, Ms. Nolena, after you spend time with your friend." He kisses her cheek and walks away smirking; Nolena blushes and waves after him.

"I think he likes me."

"No, it was only obvious. Enough about you! I have things to tell!"

Itachi grabs Arashi's chair and sits knocked out of his daze and now in excitement mode.

"Nice hickey it makes it obvious that you had sex."

Itachi nods rapidly, being very unlike himself.

"So are you bi or gay?"

"We'll have to fuck screw later to figure that out, but there is something else! It's better than sex!"

"Holy shit, if you and I mean YOU says that it's better than sex, I'm scared."

"Guess what he did!"

"Um…I'm not good with guessing games…I'm always wrong."

"He proposed!!! I'm getting married!"

"Oh My Gawd! That is so sweet! Let me see the ring!" Nolena grabbed Itachi's hand when he held it out and admired it and started crying happily.

"W-why are you crying? You should be happy for me!"

"I am happy! My little Itachi is growing up!!! I'm so proud!" With that the overly happy woman jumps over the table and hugs her best friend still sobbing with joy.

"Thank you Nolena-kun!" He hugs her back beginning to cry himself.

They didn't notice the rest of the Akatsuki member and plus the extra people and minus Kisame staring at them curiously, not knowing what happened in the conversation.

"Did…something weird…happen? Un."

The rest of them shrug, not sure if they want to know.

**-TBC-**

**A/N:** ARE YOU HAPPY!? Gawd… . Leave me be now? Wait…I have to do the wedding and Kyuubi's successoringness and then…possibly pair off Arashi and Nolena…I think that pairing wont happen till the sequel.

…Count down till final chapter. 2 more.

**REVIEW!**


	20. Let's Talk

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen to Us**

**A/N:** …I am so happy; Itachi and Kisame are getting married! I like doing wedding ficies, so much fun! I may be boyish but I love a good wedding!

**Note:** …I know I shouldn't tell people that I plan on making a sequel AND a trilogy but I cant help it! It's something to look forward to.

**Note 2:** I'm eating Nacho Cheese Doritos to think about how to finish the story…It's fun! Fuck…I'm almost out!

**Note 3:** I'm actually not describing something important in here…and if you don't like that? Then too fucking bad!

**Last Time: **

They didn't notice the rest of the Akatsuki member and plus the extra people and minus Kisame staring at them curiously, not knowing what happened in the conversation.

"Did…something weird…happen? Un."

The rest of them shrug, not sure if they want to know.

**This Time:**

**Chapter NINETEEN: Let's talk**

**(-Three Days later-)**

Kyuubi sits at his master's feet as he was trained to do when he was young; while she studies a large book she had borrowed from Arashi. He feels low for having to act this way but rather enjoys the scratching behind his ears. Not that he'll ever mention that.

"Master Nolena?"

"Hm?"

"You like that blonde guy right?"

"Obviously Kyuu."

"Why? He is just a human, not powerful like the other Celtic beings."

"I happen to enjoy the presence of some humans, some of them are intelligent and the rest are stupid. Itachi-kun is my favorite though…just like you're my favorite kitsune."

That comment brings a fox grin to his lips and he lays his head on her lap nuzzling her hand.

"Who do you like better? Me, or Itachi-san?" _It had better be me…_

Her hand begins petting his head again as she continues to read her book. He purrs quietly so only she'll hear.

"I like you both the same, I don't really care about things like that; especially since I became human. My life did a complete 180 because of that and I kind of felt like part of my life was ripped to shreds, but I got over it, it's just life I guess. I will miss my old home though…"

_Damn it…I will have to kill the Uchiha to be liked more…_

The red kitsune, frowns just now remembering why she told him he was going to be her successor. He decides to ask her about that since it came up.

"Ne, when am I receiving my title?"

"In a few days, Madam will come down with the turnover contract and I'll burn the trade mark tattoo into your arm and then you'll receive your new powers. You will be required to stay with me for about a month to learn what you must do and cannot do. It's not really difficult considering how much shit I had to go through to get where I am putting you."

"I'm sorry Master…"

"It's alright, it's not your fault."

"But, you're still mad at me…aren't you…"

Nolena sets her book down marking her place and stares at her apprentice, while stroking his hair.

"I've forgiven you already, you are still young and learning. I understand that you only fought back to defend yourself, I'm just upset so many people died during that attack. Personally, I thought I taught you to only go around humans in your humanoid form."

"I know…I don't like this form…I feel so…defenseless around so many powerful people…I normally get really angry around humans, they are so cruel to each other."

Kyuubi closes his eyes and transforms into an adult sized red fox and curls up on his master's lap. Nolena smiles and strokes his blazing red fur lovingly.

"I know Kyuubi, it bothers me too." The woman realizes her comment had fallen on deaf ears because the demon fox had fallen asleep. She smiles more and then takes up her book to begin reading again.

**(-With Kisame and Itachi-)**

"I think we should have a winter wedding outside, it's my favorite season." Itachi flips to the winter parts of the pocket calendar trying to find a date. Kisame sighs.

"One, when was the last time it snowed around here? And two, if it did snow wouldn't we freeze to death?"

"That's not the point! I will have snow at our wedding if I have to get us up to Snow Country! I don't care if it will be cold that's what coats and long sleeves are for!"

"…Are you PMSing Itachi-koi?"

"No! I'm just stressed over this."

"Uh huh…" The shark man runs a finger over his teeth; sighing in relief that they were sharp again.

"Don't get sarcastic with me! Now what should we make the color scheme?"

"…Shouldn't you talk to someone else about this? Like Nolena-sama?"

"Just answer!"

"Red and Black, duh."

"How original…" The Uchiha comments sarcastically. "But I like it, so whatever. Now…whom will we invite? Do you have any family left?"

"Um…no, I don't…and how about just the people that we know…and wont kill us?"

"…We'll make that list later. Who should we get to marry us?"

"I don't know…I'm a gay man, not a girly _and_ gay man like you. I don't plan things like this."

Itachi rolls his eyes.

"Well if only that wasn't obvious. I'm going to talk to Nolena-kun."

Kisame kisses Itachi and smiles.

"You do that. Don't go too crazy though."

The brunette nods and leaves the room carrying his notepad with the things he'd already written. The blue man smiles and watches his lover leave the room.

"Such a cute thing he is."

**(-Back where Nolena is-)**

Itachi stares at the red fox curled up in her lap.

"Nolena-kun I-…what is that?"

"Sh, Kyuu is sleeping here."

Itachi smiles and walks up to them, petting Kyuubi's fur softly.

"He looks so cute, like Chikara."

"You have been so happy lately, it's starting to scare me."

"Really?" The brunette frowns.

"I like you this way but then I remember the way you were when I first met you, you've changed so much. At first it worried me but now I'm happy too."

"I love you too!"

"And that is why I'm scared."

"Don't be mean."

"It's ok, I love you more. I think you finally fucking Kisame-kun has made you permanently high or something though."

Itachi smiles and sits on the armrest of the chair next to the girl, while leaning against her and hands her the list. She begins looking it over and he starts talking.

"What should I wear to my wedding?"

"What do _you_ want to wear? It is your wedding…"

Itachi blushes and avoids her eyes.

"Do you want to wear a…dress?"

"…"

"I think you'd look perfect in a dress." Itachi smiles at her lightly, thanking her silently for not judging his idea of the perfect outfit. "What kind of color scheme did you pick out?"

"I asked Kisame, and he said Red and Black."

"How original…" Nolena commented sarcastically.

"That's what I said!"

Kyuubi stirs and then wakes up; looking at Nolena and then Itachi, growling at him.

"Kyuu, be nice to Itachi."

The red fox sits on the other armrest and transforms into his humanoid form; still glaring at the Uchiha; who glares back just as hard.

"Can't my two favorite boys get along?"

"No." They say at the same time.

'_Back off Uchiha, I am Master's Number one favorite.'_

'_This guy is annoying…what's his problem? Wait…I'm becoming blonde…he's jealous that I'm Nolena-kun's favorite as well. He's supposed to become her successor and he's being this immature? What the fuck?'_

"Will you two grow up? Stop glaring."

Kyuubi continues to glare but the Uchiha obeys calmly, not wishing to appear idiotic.

"Nolena-kun, may I speak with you in private?"

_Going to put moves on her you freak?_

"Um, sure." Nolena looks at the red head and then follows Itachi out of the room and to the large main bathroom/shower. It was conjoined for both sexes since the Akatsuki never intended on have women part of the group. "What do you want to talk about?"

When Itachi opens the door, he does not walk in, just stares ahead at something.

"Itachi?" She pushes Itachi in and follows and then finds her self staring at the scene before them.

"N-Naruto! Fuck!" a loud moan rings through the bathroom.

Right there, Sasuke was pressed against the wall, his legs tightly wrapped around his lovers waist and Naruto was fucking him, hard. The youngest Uchiha was moaning loudly, begging his lover to go faster, harder and deeper. They were watching them from the side, having a clear view of the pleasure taking place. Both ninja find themselves blushing.

The blonde notices the two people standing in the doorway and smirks at them; continuing his dirty deed.

In moments the blonde had brought his lover to his climax and then had his own release; Sasuke was panting heavily and slumped forward clinging to his boyfriend for support, Naruto's flaccid dick sliding out of him.

"S-Sasuke?" The older Uchiha called to his brother.

Apparently the raven wasn't as tired as he appeared for with in a second he was hiding himself behind his lover; completely aware with a bright red blush on his face.

"A-Aniki? I-I can explain."

"Explain what? That you were fucking your boyfriend in a public area?"

"I-I…It was his idea!" Sasuke flushed redder.

"Hey, you enjoyed it teme."

"Shut up!"

"Ya know…I thought Naruto was uke…but it is SasUKE…so apparently all gay Uchiha's are ukes"

"Shut up!" Both Uchihas' yelled at her. Nolena snickers when she seems Itachi ogling his little brother's naked body.

"Itachi-kun, are you having incestual thoughts?"

The man in question blushes red and glares at her.

"I am not and incestual isn't a word!"

"Yes it is!"

"You mean just like ginormorousness is!?"

"Exactly!"

The two begin to argue more and more over Nolena's annoying habit of making up words. Sasuke turns to Naruto.

"Do you think they forgot about us?"

"Yea, I'm sure they have; Kyuubi once told me that his master would get distracted easily and who ever she dragged in with her would normally forget the task at hand. If she wasn't immortal I think she'd be dead by now."

"Than lets get out of here!" Sasuke quickly dresses as does his blonde lover and they sneak around the two that were arguing and go to their room; probably to have another round.

**(-5 minutes later-)**

"Wait! Shut up for a fucking minute Itachi! Didn't you have to talk to me about something?" Their argument came to a sudden halt and they stared at each other.

"Um…I forgot what it was and … wasn't there someone else here?"

"Um…maybe? Wouldn't we have seen them? You know what…who cares? Let's just go get lunch and we'll plan your wedding! I want to be the Maid of Honor! Please?"

Itachi rolls his eyes and links arms with his friend as they head to the dinning hall.

"Who else better than you?"

**(-2 weeks later-)**

Kisame, Kyuubi, the twins, Arashi, Sasuke, and Naruto watched Itachi and Nolena bicker in the middle of the bridal store they were in. Nolena had arranged a weeklong shopping trip for Itachi's wedding gown and everyone else's outfits. Anything else that they wanted was being bought too. Everyone decided to take advantage of the fact the ex-goddess was paying for EVERYTHING.

"Ok! Winter is in 3 days and the wedding is in 6 weeks! I know EXACTLY what I want but…I STILL DON'T HAVE A DRESS!"

"Itachi! It is hard to find the perfect one and we've been here for two days, so if you will calm down for a fucking minute we can look for it!"

"Um, Kisame-san…are we sure it isn't Nolena-kun and Uchiha-san getting married?" Arashi raises an eyebrow at the shark man.

"I'm never sure…when those two fight, it's like the outside world doesn't exist. Then they turn around and start making out like crazy or disappearing some where to have sex; thinking I don't know it. Damn those kids and their hormones'."

"N-Nolena-kun is Itachi's… fuck buddy!?" Arashi glares at the Uchiha.

"I thought everyone knew that, even I knew that and they were trying so hard to hide it from me. It was the most obvious thing, I'm not an idiot."

"But you allow it?"

"Hey, I think we have an open relationship, as long as he doesn't decide I'm not good enough for him, I'm happy."

"Ew! I thought your brother was totally gay!"

"I've known he was "dating" her for a while Naru-chan."

"Don't call me that!"

"I'm the one wearing a dress to the wedding jackass! Not you!"

"And it will look beautiful on you." Sasuke blushes at the complement and then is smothered by his lover's kisses.

"That bastard is making Master cry!" Kyuubi growls angrily, not liking the fact that ever since he received his rank; he could not attack humans. The tattoo that he received still hurt occasionally.

"Kyuubi-san…it's her secret weapon so she'll win a certain fight since she knows he hates it when girls or Sasuke cry."

"I do not cry Kisame!"

Everyone stares at the mini Uchiha and then laugh. He_ is_ the one wearing a dress to the wedding…

"Are you guys coming or what!?" Itachi called to the group, Nolena "crying" lightly on his shoulder.

The group of people didn't ask questions, just followed.

**(-Three hours later in the same shop-)**

"I can't wear that! It's ugly!" Itachi yells at the assistant for about the hundredth time they were in there. It was amazing that she was still helping him, even after getting over the shock that he was wearing it and not the girl who walked in with him.

"Itachi…you can't keep scaring the helpers that we get or you wont get your dress anytime soon."

"Well what is it with these women! They don't know how to pick out a dress, I need a gay man to help us that knows this store forwards and backwards and knows fashion!"

"I can help you with the first one and the last one, but I think we're screwed otherwise."

"Not helping!"

"Itachi-koi…you really don't have to wear a dress."

The brunette turns to his lover and glares harshly.

"If I want to wear a dress I bloody will! OK!?"

"Y-yes dear…" The blue man turns away to avoid his gaze incase the smaller man tried to kill him.

"Hah, he owns you Kisame, un." Deidara and Sasori had showed up a couple hours later after being sent to search for all of the places that sell dresses in the area.

"Shut up Deidara. Uuunnnn." Kisame mocked the shorter blonde, while glaring at him.

"Don't make fun of me! Un! It's a disorder! Un!" The smaller one glared back harshly. Sasori felt proud his boyfriend was standing up for himself.

"Disorder my ass, you purposely do it to annoy the fuck out of everyone."

"I do not! Un!"

"Do so!"

"SHUT UP YOU INSOLENT HUMANS!" The two people cower from the angry Kyuubi and use Sasori as a shield.

"Idiots…" Sasori rolls his eyes and moves away, Deidara clinging to his side. The fox ends up trying to wring Kisame's neck. The twins were looking at dresses for themselves and Naru and Sasu were off making-out. Arashi was busy tuning them out. Itachi and Nolena aren't aware of anything going on.

Great day for group shopping! Right?

**(-Dinner time-)**

They stopped by a semi fancy place to eat after six hours of shopping; leaving everyone exhausted, except the eldest Uchiha. While the others were shoveling down food, playing footsie under the table or being asleep on their plates; the brunette fanatically spoke about the wedding, only the silver haired girl being interested.

"I can not believe we didn't find anything…" Itachi takes a bite of white rice; he's dieting to fit his dress perfectly…if he ever finds it.

"Hey I have an idea…if I can get Arian to summon the royal seamstress, maybe you'll have an original dress for yourself."

The Uchiha grinned at the thought of being able to design exactly what he wanted.

"Perfect! I can draw it out and then the seamstress can make it! And I don't have to kill anyone for it, so easy."

The extreme happiness was radiating off his body and relatively scaring the people around him; how they hopped it would wear off soon.

"Itachi-kun…It's really nice to see you happy like this and all but…you're staring to remind me of Naruto…"

"So?"

"First you were a stoic bastard, then you were a walking suicide note and then you're…this, it is a bit scary for those who knew you from the beginning as 'I'm a bastard. Can't you see my emotionlessness?' Itachi. You understand?"

"You don't like me bouncing of the walls."

"Not really, it doesn't fit your personality."

"You are so mean Nolee-chan!" Itachi's eyes start watering and Nolena freaks out and tries to calm him.

"H-hey I didn't mean it that way! Wait! Don't cry Itachi!"

"But you are being mean to me because I'm different! Friends are supposed to be accepting!"

The girl pulls him into a hug and he nuzzles her shoulder; she pets his hair.

"I'm sorry Itachi-kun, don't be mad at me; you'll always be my favorite."

Kyuubi breaks his chopsticks in half as he glares at the Uchiha in envy. Itachi smirks at him and wraps his arms around his friend, getting as close as possible. Nolena remained oblivious to the fact Itachi was faking his crying to get her to feel bad and Itachi was happy with that.

_'If we're going to battle it out on who is her favorite, Kyuubi, I'll do whatever to win, no matter how stupid it is.'_

"Nolena-sama, may I speak with you in private?" Kyuubi stands up from his chair.

"Sure, Kyuu. I'll be back Itachi-kun."

The brunette smiles and kisses her cheek and lets go but not before giving Kyuubi a vicious glare. Kyuubi has no problem with returning it with his own.

"You two need to stop that."

Now Itachi knew that Kyuubi was just trying to get his best friend away from him; after he suspected that the fox knew he wasn't really crying. The red head was planning on trying to steal her attention as much as possible to win the title as her favorite.

This meant war.

**(-Three weeks later-) (Notice I like the number three?)**

Arian and Gemma were waiting in the lounge room for the royal seamstress to arrive; and he was an hour late. They suspected the one he would be dressing up was unhappy already.

-

Itachi was pacing his room; in his boxers since he decided he was annoyed with clothing as it is. He had asked that the man making his dress to come later but not too late so he be able to fit his dress perfectly.

The reason why he only wore boxers at the moment is because the rest of his cloths had become curiously too big for his body. Apparently all that dieting and exercising paid off, leaving him a whole size smaller and 10lbs lighter.

"Itachi-kun, you are making me dizzy."

"But the guy is late!"

"I know but-"

The door swings open and Arian walks in. She sighs and holds the door open, speaking in a bored voice.

"And now presenting from the one place no one really knows about; Reginald Hart. The Royal Seamstress."

A man with short green hair, a long orange fringe, and a sleek black cat-tail and ears, walks in. He has shocking green eyes and beautiful tanned skin. He wears shinny black leather pants and a skintight designer top; his six-pack was visible.

"Good day Ladies and Gentlemen! Forgive me for being dreadfully late but I had an appointment with a very annoying woman. So! Where is the lovely bride to be?"

Gemma comes walking in carrying the seamstress's bag and sets it on the bed. Nolena pulls Itachi to her side and smiles.

"Right here!"

"Oh! He is lovely! I can't wait to get my hands on him, look at him! I must know such a beauties name."

The Uchiha smiles proudly and walks forward.

"Itachi Uchiha, pleasure to meet you."

Nolena whispers to Arian and Gemma, "He _never_ finds it a pleasure to meet _anyone_." The twins giggle and Itachi aims his death glare at them; they shut up. Chikara barks happily from the corner of the room.

"Well, Itachi-san, do you have any ideas for you're dress? I can make anything you want!"

"Well I did draw it…"

Itachi shows the man his drawing (which Nolena cleaned up after he finished) and they begin the process of making the most beautiful dress ever.

**-TBC-**

**A/N:** 1 more chapter and it's a long one!!! YAY!!! And then guess what is next? The SEQUEL!

Oh yea…the favoritism thing between Kyuu and Ita is extremely pointless but I wanted Kyuubi and Itachi to hate each other for no reason really.

Nolee-chan was acctually the name of my imaginary friend, and then I redid it and made Nolena.

Next chapter contains; the wedding, crying, A SURPRISE, completely random shit, and POSSIBLY another lemon; no promises though.

**REVIEW!**


	21. Finally

**The Most Screwed Up Things Happen to Us**

**A/N:** OH MY GAWD, the last chapter…holy shizzel

ANYWAY!!! I LOVE YOU MY LOYAL READERS! I am so thankful for you guys –teary eyed- You have been with me to the end!

**Note:** …I'm making the Sequel…even though I really want to do the trilogy first but then the out of orderness would kill people.

**Note 2:** I'm real lazy about this chapter…I just want to move to the sequel. Sorry if you think it's short…-sweat drop-

**Note 3:** I am drawing Itachi in the dress and I want it to be perfect so please, be patient. I'll try and post it on my homepage ASAP.

Question: What comes first? The ring exchange or the vows? W/e…it's my fic.

**Chapter TWENTY: Finally **

**(-3 days before the wedding-)**

"Yes, that menu is to have enough food for about twenty people…Yes…I'll pay at the reception. No…I'd prefer an all male wait staff…Yes, the reception will begin at 3 pm and they should set up at 2. Thank you." Click. Nolena hung up the phone and walked back into the room she would be sharing with Itachi till after the wedding, he was trying on his dress. "You look beautiful Itachi-kun."

The dress was in deed magnificent; everything you'd expect Itachi to want. It was a floor length dress; from the waist down it belled out and swished with every movement. The bell was a deep red silk with an outer layer of (real) silver thread veil with many different round abstract designs sewn in, in the color black (the silver was colored). The upper half was a thick material and tight, long sleeved in the same deep red, and it did a v-neck dip to mid breast there was the same silver and black fabric that covered that up to his neck. There was a slightly darker shade of red lace doing the same round abstract designs on the arms and torso. A large silver bow wraps around the abs and pulls out nicely behind him, only slightly out of the width of his waist and the loose ends hung down the back. He truly is stunning.

The man turns around and smiles at her.

"Thank you. I'm so excited! I just can't help myself, I always want to wear it."

Nolena smiles at her friend and then draws him into a tight hug; which he returns eagerly. They sit on the bed and Nolena clasps his hands, playing with his engagement ring.

"I can not believe you are marrying someone, it's touching really, I'm so happy for you…"

They start crying again and that is how Sasori and Deidara find them; clinging to each other and crying happily.

"Sasori no Dana, if we get married I want lots of crying too! Un." the blonde clings to the red heads arm and nuzzles his shoulder.

The red head blushes.

"Er…ok…"

"I love you so much Saso-koi." The blonde leans up and kisses his boyfriend gently and the sweetness shocks the red head, but he kisses back lovingly.

"I know Dei-chan…I do too."

_Click._ The couple looks over at the other and seems Nolena holding a camera.

"That was so cute. We should like put this in extra-large size and make a bill board!"

"Eh, I was thinking like an airplane add."

"YES!"

"You two are psycho. Un."

**(-Night before wedding-)**

Itachi shivered in his cloak as the gang walked into the expensive hotel the wedding reception would be taking place in. He scurried up the stairs to his room with Nolena before his fiancé could see him. It is bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.

"Are you still sure you want the wedding outside Itachi-kun? I can always have-"

"I said I want an outside winter wedding! That is final!"

"Ok, ok. Jeeze don't bite my head off. I was just- Itachi what is wrong?!" Nolena runs to her beloved friend and holds him as he starts crying. She had no idea what was wrong.

"I'm so scared! W-what if he suddenly changes his mind?" The weeping young man buries his face in his hands and rocks back and forth slowly. "I c-couldn't imagine my life with out him!" Harsh sobs rack his body; it was worse than normal.

"Itachi…that will no happen, he loves you so much and you love him the same. I've never seen anything so filled with love when you two are just with each other. I believe that not wanting to marry you is the furthest thing from his mind."

"A-are you sure? I mean-" Nolena presses two fingers to his lips to quiet him.

"I've never been more sure."

A wide smile grasps the Uchiha's face and he clings to his best friend crying happily.

**(-2 hours before the wedding-)**

Deidara, Sasuke, Nolena, Arian and Tsunade (the one marrying them) watch the bride to be wearing a towel around his hips; his hair dripping water form his shower and now measuring his waistline. They were all confused as to why he was doing it.

"Itachi-kun…what are you doing?" Everyone jumps as he throws the measuring tape at the wall, putting a dent in it.

"I'm only a 23! I wanted to be a 22!" Everyone sweat drops.

"If you lose anymore weight Aniki you wont fit your dress."

"But I look ugly!" Itachi wraps his arms around his abdomen self-consciously.

Everyone stares at the dark haired shinobi as if he grew a second head. Surely he was joking. With his lean, hard body, gorgeous 8-pack covered by pale beautiful skin and his well shaped face and dark midnight locks and those perfect eyes…he is perfection.

"Itachi-san, you have 2 percent body fat. You body is flawless." Arian spoke up, offering some complements in hopes to cheer him up.

"I shouldn't have any body fat!"

"Itachi-kun…I'm gonna smack you. Just in case if you haven't noticed already…_you_ are a **WALKING**. _ORGASMIC_. SEX. _**GOD**_."

Everyone blushes at the silver-haired girls words, they are in deed 100 percent true. Itachi looks up and stares, his arms loosen and he sets his hands on his well-defined hips.

"Really?" Everyone nods and he turns to look in the 3-way mirror, admiring his beautiful body. "I am, aren't I?" Everyone sighs in relief; an unhappy Itachi was hell on legs and usually death.

"Ok, if you plan on helping Itachi get ready stay if not, leave."

Tsunade left the room saying she had to go review the wedding ceremony sequence. Everyone else stayed.

"Ok then…Arian please get Itachi's dress and make sure it is perfect. Sasuke uh…get me my cosmetic bag. Deidara, get the hair stuffs. Itachi, sit at the vanity."

Nolena took a towel and began drying her friend's hair once he sat down. When Deidara came over she took the blow dryer, plugged it in and began the process of treating the Uchiha's hair.

"Nolena-san, may I help? Un." The blonde places the purple hairbrush into the waiting hand.

"You touch my head I'll kill you." Itachi winces as the ex-goddess smoothes out a knot. Deidara pouts.

"But you let Nolena-san touch you, un."

"You're point?"

"I don't have one, un."

"Good."

"Dei-chan, pass me the tamer." The blonde follows the command and does everything as told.

Everyone was helping the Uchiha to become the vision of the perfect Bride, even though he is male. It appears that

**(-With Kisame-)**

"Sasori-san…what if he says no!?" Kisame shook his red headed friend harshly out of panic.

"He'll say yes."

"How the fuck do you know!?"

The red head twitches, and resists punching the man in front of him.

"Because he loves you. Now let me go, and go take your shower and get dressed, the rest of us are trying to do that!"

"FINE!" The blue groom goes to the suite bathroom and proceeds to take his shower. The nerves were getting to him and he couldn't almost bear it. He loved the man he is to wed with his whole heart and he was terrified that he'd say no. He smiled to himself as he realized that no matter how bad things got between himself and his lover, they always solved it and their bond became more powerful.

They are inseparable.

**(-Wedding time-)**

A handsome blue haired man stands on the snow-covered ground under an arch of black and red flowers, his heart pounds in his chest as he waits for his soon to be bride to arrive.

The man folded his hands behind himself, feeling more nervous as he began wrinkling the sleeve of his white and light blue marital kimono with a deep blue sash on it. The cold wasn't even bothering him because his shaking kept him warm.

His eyes pan the small gathering of people. For reasons unknown to him, Itachi wanted people he knew there so he just invited random people whilst Kisame said all he need was his lover there and the rest didn't matter.

Kakashi Hatake and Iruka Umino were sitting in the crowd as well, as a couple. This stuck Kisame as odd for he remembered they tried to kill Itachi and himself a few years back. There was also Jiraiya, and a chained up Orochimaru and Kabuto, surrounded by ANBU. Apparently Itachi wanted to shove it in the snake's face that he had a husband (almost) and a best friend still.

The Leader, Toby, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, the twins and Kyuubi all sat scattered amongst the bride and groom sides; not knowing who to sit for.

Kisame looks at Sasuke, Sasori and Nolena who are all wearing simple black and white winter dresses, he turned to the men; Naruto and Sasori were there in white kimonos'. Sasori is his best man and Nolena is Itachi's maid of honor.

Seeing them standing there made the feeling all more real; and then he saw Itachi preparing to walk down the rose petal covered ground. He smiled widely and chuckled when the wolf Chikara trotted down the aisle first and sat beside Nolena; he was wearing a kimono as well.

Everyone stood as the beautiful man carrying black roses began walking down the aisle to the slow wedding music being played. Kisame's heart swells with passion as he takes his lover's hand and brings him beside him and they turn to the Hokage. Tsunade smiles at them; and the guests' reseat themselves; Iruka was dabbing his eyes.

The blonde woman opens her Wedding ceremony book and begins reading…

-----

Kisame lifts the white veil covering Itachi's face and drapes it backwards; revealing the smiling face of his lover. He lowers his hands and takes the shorter mans own hands, clutching them tightly.

"The Bride and Groom will now exchange the rings. Kisame, please present your husband with his wedding band."

Sasori hands over two white gold rings to his friend and Itachi takes one and let's his lover slide his own onto his left finger.

"And now Itachi, if you will present your husband with his wedding band."

Itachi slides the ring onto Kisame's blue ring finger and holds it even tighter than before.

This is really happening… 

"Do you Kisame Hoshigaki, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." Itachi's eyes water at his words.

"Do you Itachi Uchiha, take this man to also be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." Happy tears begin sliding down his face. Kisame wipes it away; smiling still. Tsunade has to wipe her own tears before moving on. Nearly everyone is crying.

"I now present you husband and husband, you may now kiss one another."

Kisame dives in and latches his mouth onto Itachi's and is greeted by a willing tongue and he massages it with his own. As they kiss the wind picks up swirling around the light snow and some rose petals from the ground.

Everyone begins clapping and the Akatsuki members give hoots of encouragement. Sasuke tries to hide it but he begins sobbing in happiness for his brother; thankful he was now close to his brother and able to witness this amazing event.

Orochimaru was trying to kill someone but we all don't care. Kabuto was crying but not because of the wedding because the ANBU had chained him too tightly. After the pairing stopped kissing the ANBU carried them away; back to Konoha.

-

Itachi and Kisame both hold the silver knife as they both cut their white wedding cake. More cheering erupts as they both feed each other the cake and then they begin to tongue each other again.

The cake is taken away, dismantled and then cut up and served to the guests.

Sasori stands up tapping his glass.

"I have a crazed feeling that I have no idea what I'm doing as Kisame's best man…but I am so who cares!" everyone chuckles. "Anyway I'd like to say that of the eight years plus I've know both these people not too well. Itachi was my violent best friend and Kisame was…there. They have been good to me sort of and we were all together for the longest time. Now that the insane Leader is gone, we can all separate into better lives of being retired criminals. Which is depressing! I'm 45 years old but my lover is like…19…and Kisame is 29 and Itachi is 21…but…screw it! Here to the newly weds; may they have long happy lives and many children!"

The red head raises his glass and everyone follows; while laughing and then drinks down the alcohol.

"Ok enough of the formalities! Let's party!" Sasori shouted and he grabbed Deidara and dragged him to the dance floor, the DJ Nolena hired put on some hard rock fast dance music. Kisame and Itachi smirk at each other and are also on the dance floor being insane. Naruto and Sasuke were probably the worst because it seemed like dry sex more than dirty dancing.

"Oh no Kakashi, I'll need more alcohol before I make a fool of myself."

"…Nah I can't wait that long…" Five seconds later they are also on the dance floor. Iruka blushing like a tomato but still, they dance.

Nolena giggles as the others set foot on the dance floor, she rolls her eyes at the dirtiness, and really doesn't want to be involved with such things. She starts when someone taps her on the shoulder, and then sits beside her.

"T-Tsunade-sama…"

"I miss my drinking nights you Nolena-kun, how come you never came to see me before you left?"

The appointed girl pales visibly and the flushes red while looking at her lap.

"I-uh…"

"It's because I kissed you…and said those things, isn't it." It was more of a statement than anything, and she has a serious face on but drinks down an entire glass of sake.

Nolena nods slowly; feeling embarrassed.

"Here." Tsunade offers a large glass of sake, which Nolena drank half of in one go.

The two women begin a random conversation about random things while drinking, eventually both becoming partly drunk by consuming so much in less than an hour.

"Tsunade…I do admit, you are quite the looker." I dazed expression had settled onto the girls features and she smiles lazily at the blonde.

A smirk dances on he face as the blonde Hokage sips more of her drink.

"Of course I am, I am the most amazing woman to cross this earth. After you of course, you and that body, it had to be given to you by the gods."

"You are exactly right, dear." Nolena reaches out and plays with one of Tsunade's blonde locks. "I've always had a thing for blondes they are so beautiful, especially the intelligent ones." Tsunade laughs lightly, feeling proud she got her "crush" to loosen up.

"Are you making a move on me?"

"I have no idea, am I?"

"Would you like to dance?" A quick nod comes from the woman she asked and she sets both of their drinks down then brings her to the dance floor and they begin to move with one another, sensually.

Itachi laughs to himself as he sees this. "Hey Koibito…look at that, our little Nolena finally opened the closet and marched right out. And look! The Leader is jealous…how I wish I had a camera…"

Kisame stops sucking his husband's neck and looks up. "I think Nolena-sama is drunk…and of course Leader is jealous he has a thing for her."

"Eh, you know what they say…when drunk; the truth comes out."

"Heh…I don't care about anything but you at the moment…Let's forget about all of those people and ditch this party, what do you say?" A perverted smile lands on his face and Itachi smirks.

"I say why are you saying this now instead of like after Sasori stopped talking."

"Good question." Kisame kisses his partner and then they run off sneaking away.

-

After about two minutes of dancing Tsunade finally made her move and kissed the girl again who responded this time, which made the blonde ecstatic.

She pulled away and began sucking on her neck, really in need of something more than kissing.

"A-Arashi-kun…" are the words that escape her victims lips and she stops and looks at her in the eyes.

"W-what?"

"I've always liked you Arashi-kun…" Tsunade steps away, frowning.

"You could have said you liked him and not me!" she walks away wiping a couple tears as she leaves the room. Nolena sighs and shakes off her hangover, annoyed that alcohol didn't have much effect on her for more than a few minutes.

Suddenly coming to her senses in the middle of a heated gay kiss wasn't pleasant; since she denies being bisexual. Nolena hated having to fake being drunk to get the woman away from her; it must have hurt. The girl goes and sits back at the table and takes a fresh bottle of hard liquor and begins drinking it.

"So, you get in a fight with your girlfriend Nolena-san?"

Said girl looks up at her own crush and smiles.

"I may have a thing for blondes but last I checked they were all male." She winks at him and sips more of the beverage.

"Well I'm blonde, do you want to dance?" A beautiful smile graces his lips.

"What a cheesy pick up line, but sure." She takes his offered hand and stands with him.

"But it worked so it wasn't that bad."

"Yes but it was still cheesy."

The DJ slowed the music down for the wedded couple but they weren't there so it didn't matter. Arashi pulls his dance partner to him and she wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face in his chest sighing contently; he smiles and rests his hands on her waist as they dance slowly. The other couples around them were glued to each other but they just danced for the sake of it, considering they weren't even together.

-

Itachi takes off his gown and places it over a chair and then jumps on his already half naked partner; forcing him onto the large bed.

"How many days has it been since we've had sex Itachi?"

"Four."

"I think you are a nymphomaniac." An I-know-something-you-don't-want-me-to-know look was on his face as he stroked his lover's cheek. Itachi pouts a little.

"What's that look for?"

"You are really the biggest nympho I know." Kisame flips the position and pins his lover underneath him; his hands over his head and his legs parted with his knees forcing them apart. The shark's mouth begins attacking his neck with his yet again filed down teeth.

"W-what do you mean-ah…mh…"

"You've been screwing around with a certain little silver haired girl…" Itachi arches his backing pleasure as he feels his sensitive spot being attacked.

"K-Kisame…I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner…"

"As long as you're with me forever I don't care…enough talk, more sex."

Kisame begins rubbing his husbands erect penis through his boxers and smirks at the reaction; he begins teasing his body more.

"K-k…mh Kisame…" His mouth is covered by the shark mans and they are drawn into a passionate kiss. A loud moan erupts from his throat as the same hand slides into his boxers and grips his rock hard length, massaging it sensuously.

Eventually the annoying cloth barrier is ripped from his body and his lover moves to start him orally but he stops him, earning a confused look.

Itachi breaks from his hold and flips the positions again; and literally rips his lover's clothing off of his body.

"It's my turn to please you, koi." Itachi slowly licks the head of the engorged man flesh before him and slides the tip of his tongue over the slit, sending waves of pleasure through the mans body.

"Fuck…Itachi…"

In a matter of seconds Itachi had swallowed his entire cock down his throat and he moaned out in ecstasy. Itachi began stroking skin beneath the scrotum and slide his mouth all over his lovers hard dick and brought him to the edge and stopped, and smiled at his lover whimper in need for release.

"You bastard…please Itachi…"

The weasel didn't need to be told anyway for he was already positioning his body over his lovers and sank down onto the stiff member.

"Fuuuuck…oh Kisame…" Itachi's black nails dug into the blue mans hips as he rested on the dick, fully sheathing it. It felt as if he was one with his lover, it was so tight and a mix of pain and pleasure, it was the first time he hadn't been prepared for such a large intrusion.

"M-move…please."

Kisame's hand gripped Itachi as he made him move a little but the weasel began moving slowly as well, sliding up till he was almost out of him and sliding back down just as slowly till fully re-sheathed. His prostate was struck on one of his slow strokes and he moved up quicker and slammed back down in that same angle.

"I-Itachi!"

Kisame's hand grabs the back of his lovers neck and forces him down into a kiss as he then moves both hands to grip Itachi's hips and slam him back down onto his hard dick.

The kissing became more heated and the sex became feral as they reach climax, and Kisame then came hard, and broke form the kiss to shout his lover's name.

Itachi refused his climax and slowed down with his lover, panting heavily at the excitement.

"Itachi…I love you so much…I've waited so long for this day."

"I can a only say it finally happened, and it was real…it still is; and I'm so happy." The brunette nuzzles his lovers smooth chest, his hard dick aching.

"Koi…you're still hard…"

"That's because I wanted to have a go at being your seme; if you don't mind submitting to me."

Kisame raised a dark eyebrow. Honestly he was surprised at the idea, he had never been toped, in any relationship; he is always seme."

"You; my seme?"

"First time for everything, right love?"

A grin settles onto the blue mans features; he kisses his lover again.

"For you, I'll do anything; I love you so much."

"But I love you more."

"I doubt it, this time I really do."

Itachi's heart swelled with happiness as he gave his lover a passionate kiss; he was finally home, finally with the one he loved. He finally was where he belonged; in the arms of his husband; who loved him as much as he loved him back and more.

**Fin**

**A/N: **Ah…finished finally. I cried writing it. I'm proud; I finished it! I was up till 6:30 this morning but no biggy. The sequel wont be out till Wednesday August 8th at the earliest. If anyone can guess what it's about you'll get a sneak peak at the first chappy! –smiles-

I AM SO SORRY FOR ANY ERRORS IN HERE! I was really tired and I coudl bear myself to reread it 4 tiems like normal...-cries

I love my dear reviewers you are the reason why I continued this story in the first place, it was so hard! The support and ideas made me feel important and I worked hard! THANK YOU! A MILLION THANK YOUS! Wait…not enough…A gazillion and a half plus an infinity thank yous'!

-**If anyone who figures out the story idea can you help me with a title? I need it. **

**-I'm on vacation to Niagara Falls August second to August fifth of 2007. **

-…I really hate car rides…

-I LOVE YOU!!!!

Nico-chan is out of here. Please leave a message and beg for her to return with a sequel BEEP.


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